I just got back from the dentist. The only bad thing is that I have decay that is right at the gum line on a tooth so far back in my mouth the dentist isn't looking forward to filling it. He put in a filling the last time back in April, but the filling fell out, and since then I can't drink water without that tooth being really sensitive. If this next filling that will be done cannot hold, I may have to crown the tooth. However, I'm told that even with a crown, that won't stop the decay.
Damn you, Coca-Cola and all your products!!
In other news: Today is day 10 in Shin's 37 day challenge.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Sunday, June 27, 2004
What did I get myself into?
I asked a simple question on Gaia. Was not masturbating until I went on an official date a stupid or insane goal? The masses pretty much said they admire the fact that I made it to a week, but other than that, the goal was insane.
Enter Shinsuke.
Now, I've known Shin for a while now on AIM. He and I are good Gaia friends for the most part. Well, he went evil on me now.
Because of the fact that his Gaia boyfriend (and real-life love) was in the hospital for 36 days, he didn't masturbate. In fact, he was too worried about his boyfriend to do so.
You saw where this is going, didn't you?
He betted against me saying that if I lasted 37 days, he'd give me something special. He didn't say what, but I know it's got to be a Gaia item of some kind, which may or may not be on my wish list that I have in my signature.
I accepted it. I had nothing else better to do, despite what other people may think (like my mother).
I'll keep you loyal blog readers of mine posted. In the meantime, you can see how this whole thing delevoped here.
God, I'm an insane one.
Enter Shinsuke.
Now, I've known Shin for a while now on AIM. He and I are good Gaia friends for the most part. Well, he went evil on me now.
Because of the fact that his Gaia boyfriend (and real-life love) was in the hospital for 36 days, he didn't masturbate. In fact, he was too worried about his boyfriend to do so.
You saw where this is going, didn't you?
He betted against me saying that if I lasted 37 days, he'd give me something special. He didn't say what, but I know it's got to be a Gaia item of some kind, which may or may not be on my wish list that I have in my signature.
I accepted it. I had nothing else better to do, despite what other people may think (like my mother).
I'll keep you loyal blog readers of mine posted. In the meantime, you can see how this whole thing delevoped here.
God, I'm an insane one.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Yes, I'm insane.
It's been a whole week since I last masturbated. That's right, 7 days.
Okay, so it's no big accomplishment like Shem not smoking for a week, but I have nothing else to blog about.
Okay, so it's no big accomplishment like Shem not smoking for a week, but I have nothing else to blog about.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Enneagram Type Test Results
THE INDIVIDUALIST
Enneagram Type Four
The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type:
Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental
Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)
Enneagram Four with a Three-Wing: "The Aristocrat"
Enneagram Four with a Five-Wing: "The Bohemian"*
Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Four
Healthy: Self-aware, introspective, on the "search for self," aware of feelings and inner impulses. Sensitive and intuitive both to self and others: gentle, tactful, compassionate. / Highly personal, individualistic, "true to self." Self-revealing, emotionally honest, humane. Ironic view of self and life: can be serious and funny, vulnerable and emotionally strong.
At Their Best: Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative.
Average: Take an artistic, romantic orientation to life, creating a beautiful, aesthetic environment to cultivate and prolong personal feelings. Heighten reality through fantasy, passionate feelings, and the imagination. / To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings. / Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious.
Unhealthy: When dreams fail, become self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed. Ashamed of self, fatigued and unable to function. / Tormented by delusional self-contempt, self-reproaches, self-hatred, and morbid thoughts: everything is a source of torment. Blaming others, they drive away anyone who tries to help them. / Despairing, feel hopeless and become self-destructive, possibly abusing alcohol or drugs to escape. In the extreme: emotional breakdown or suicide is likely. Generally corresponds to the Avoidant, Depressive, and Narcissistic personality disorders.
Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer".
Examples: Ingmar Bergman, Alan Watts, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morrisette, Paul Simon, Jeremy Irons, Patrick Stewart, Joseph Fiennes, Martha Graham, Bob Dylan, Miles Davis, Johnny Depp, Anne Rice, Rudolph Nureyev, J.D. Salinger, Anaîs Nin, Marcel Proust, Maria Callas, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Allan Poe, Annie Lennox, Prince, Michael Jackson, Virginia Woolf, Judy Garland, "Blanche DuBois" (Streetcar Named Desire).
* = Basically, that means whichever number has the higher result possibility on the chart, you tend to lean more towards that given your base personality. Five was higher than three, so I am "The Bohemian."
Anyway, I find it funny that my personality is exactly like Johnny Depp, Prince, Edgar Allan Poe, and Bob Dylan. Who knew?
When I first heard about this test being extremely accurate, I was very skeptical, but I figured I might as well entertain myself with something other than pornography. (I found out from Zero that my asexuality is really just my hormones going on vacation.) After I read that this was just a sample of the actual (longer) version of the test, I didn't think that it was going to be as accurate.
Boy, was I wrong. It's still pretty accurate. And if it is any indication of my state of mind as of late, I'm definitely see-sawing between average and unhealthy. The only time I was healthy, but this test's results, was when I was in school apparently. Guess that means that I may not drop out to help save my sanity even if it is going to hurt my wallet in the end.
Maybe I should put this as my blogger profile. Too bad it is too big, and I bet there is a character limit.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Price Hike, Loans, and Money Problems
Dinner was depressing, even though it only lasted 10 minutes.
I learned that apparently Watkins raised their tuition cost yet again! The new cost is $490 per credit hour. When I got the book with the schedule, they said the price was only $420 per hour for the fall. Now that the summer semester is nearly over, the price went up apparently. I'll be taking a full load of 12 credit hours this fall. You do the math.
My mother wonders if we even qualify for financial aid since my sister is going off to college out of state. Last we heard, we didn't qualify for anything. Neither me or my sister, who is scholastically better than me on all fronts, will be getting tax dollars to help make ourselves smarter. As such, mom is thinking about going the loan route.
Right now, I'm seriously considering dropping out. My registration date isn't until July 14, so I have time to mull it over. However, given the financial situation as well as the obvious fact as to who the better one of us between myself and my sister as far as higher education goes, I might as well drop out of college.
My parents and everyone always tells me that certain sacrifices have to be made in life like doing things you don't want to. They love to use that line when I bitch about how I don't want to find a job because whatever reason I can think of at the time. My logic right now is that I might as well sacrifice my higher learning in exchange for my sister. One less kid to worry about graduating a second time.
Besides, my goal is to be an artist, one of the poorest paid professions this side of the Great Depression. My sister wants to teach English now on the high school level. With all these cuts being made to the arts and music in schools nation wide, I can't help but feel like I am unimportant in the bigger picture. At least she has job security. I won't have anything short of a fancy license plate that says I'm a resident artist and get government money because I'm poor but yet "important" to those that can't read... or so I'm told.
Terry was right. He told me in advising that he's seen it before. Kids first lower the number of hours they take and then slowly drop out for one reason or another. I guess he's seen it so many times that he knew I was the it child this year or something.
All of a sudden, my education doesn't seem all that important anymore. Then again, a lot of things have been starting to lose their priority status.
We'll see what I do come July 14 if I drop out or not.
I learned that apparently Watkins raised their tuition cost yet again! The new cost is $490 per credit hour. When I got the book with the schedule, they said the price was only $420 per hour for the fall. Now that the summer semester is nearly over, the price went up apparently. I'll be taking a full load of 12 credit hours this fall. You do the math.
My mother wonders if we even qualify for financial aid since my sister is going off to college out of state. Last we heard, we didn't qualify for anything. Neither me or my sister, who is scholastically better than me on all fronts, will be getting tax dollars to help make ourselves smarter. As such, mom is thinking about going the loan route.
Right now, I'm seriously considering dropping out. My registration date isn't until July 14, so I have time to mull it over. However, given the financial situation as well as the obvious fact as to who the better one of us between myself and my sister as far as higher education goes, I might as well drop out of college.
My parents and everyone always tells me that certain sacrifices have to be made in life like doing things you don't want to. They love to use that line when I bitch about how I don't want to find a job because whatever reason I can think of at the time. My logic right now is that I might as well sacrifice my higher learning in exchange for my sister. One less kid to worry about graduating a second time.
Besides, my goal is to be an artist, one of the poorest paid professions this side of the Great Depression. My sister wants to teach English now on the high school level. With all these cuts being made to the arts and music in schools nation wide, I can't help but feel like I am unimportant in the bigger picture. At least she has job security. I won't have anything short of a fancy license plate that says I'm a resident artist and get government money because I'm poor but yet "important" to those that can't read... or so I'm told.
Terry was right. He told me in advising that he's seen it before. Kids first lower the number of hours they take and then slowly drop out for one reason or another. I guess he's seen it so many times that he knew I was the it child this year or something.
All of a sudden, my education doesn't seem all that important anymore. Then again, a lot of things have been starting to lose their priority status.
We'll see what I do come July 14 if I drop out or not.
Asexuality?
Something's been bothering me to the point where I can't sleep.
Today, we went to the mall in hopes of getting a belated Father's Day dinner at the new Aquarium restaurant. It is suppose to be an under-the-sea version of Rainforest Cafe. Mom couldn't wait an hour max for a table, so we went to the other side of the mall to eat at--you guess it--Rainforest Cafe.
On the way there, I couldn't help but notice that the mall was filled with the type of guy I am physically drawn to. There were no short supply of cute blond skater and preppie twinks today, as well as no short supply of the usual teenie bopper model girls that could get away with anything from the Old Navy outlet in the mall.
I then noticed something rather bizarre. While people watching, I found myself not acting like I normally do when I see a really hot twink. I wasn't feeling weird or silly. I didn't feel shy or acted like it. On top of it, I gave none of them a second glance or the look over.
I then realized that I was no longer attracted to these types of guys. In fact, before blogging this, I went to all the gay sites I could think of that are either linked or that happen to come up in Google, and I found not even Mr. Perfect on my blog attractive!
I then thought that maybe I really wasn't gay and that I was going through some kind of idiotic phase like my mother had hoped. While still people watching, I still found none of the girls attractive. (And, quite honestly, I still find the vagina a disgusting area, visually.) Like I said, most of these girls in the mall could model with little problem at all, but I found none physically attractive.
Before it went down for repairs, I started a thread about it in Gaia's Sociology and Psychology Chat Board. I was very blunt about it explaining my situation in no more than ten sentences. I got two replies. The first of which is that I need to see a doctor to check my hormones. Chances are I'm not getting enough testosterone, which to me doesn't make sense because women of both the straight and lesbian verity have very little of it as it is and have no trouble being attracted to what they like.
The second response I got was news to me. Apparently, some people think I've been blessed with being antisexual, or asexual. This confused me at first, because I thought being asexual means that if I break off my arm, there would be two of me thanks to the regeneration process that would soon happen afterwards. Apparently, when talking about sexuality, being asexual means you are not attracted to anyone or anything.
Now, why do people say that this is a blessing? Well, you don't have to deal with the pressures of trying to be in a relationship, sex, love, romance, trying to please the other person, the life-long compromise that is marriage (not that it is legal in the state of Tennessee), and all that which comes with being attracted to someone.
So what? Have I gone from thinking I was straight to gay to now nothing at all?
It would appear that the problems just keep stacking up no matter how I try to get over them.
Today, we went to the mall in hopes of getting a belated Father's Day dinner at the new Aquarium restaurant. It is suppose to be an under-the-sea version of Rainforest Cafe. Mom couldn't wait an hour max for a table, so we went to the other side of the mall to eat at--you guess it--Rainforest Cafe.
On the way there, I couldn't help but notice that the mall was filled with the type of guy I am physically drawn to. There were no short supply of cute blond skater and preppie twinks today, as well as no short supply of the usual teenie bopper model girls that could get away with anything from the Old Navy outlet in the mall.
I then noticed something rather bizarre. While people watching, I found myself not acting like I normally do when I see a really hot twink. I wasn't feeling weird or silly. I didn't feel shy or acted like it. On top of it, I gave none of them a second glance or the look over.
I then realized that I was no longer attracted to these types of guys. In fact, before blogging this, I went to all the gay sites I could think of that are either linked or that happen to come up in Google, and I found not even Mr. Perfect on my blog attractive!
I then thought that maybe I really wasn't gay and that I was going through some kind of idiotic phase like my mother had hoped. While still people watching, I still found none of the girls attractive. (And, quite honestly, I still find the vagina a disgusting area, visually.) Like I said, most of these girls in the mall could model with little problem at all, but I found none physically attractive.
Before it went down for repairs, I started a thread about it in Gaia's Sociology and Psychology Chat Board. I was very blunt about it explaining my situation in no more than ten sentences. I got two replies. The first of which is that I need to see a doctor to check my hormones. Chances are I'm not getting enough testosterone, which to me doesn't make sense because women of both the straight and lesbian verity have very little of it as it is and have no trouble being attracted to what they like.
The second response I got was news to me. Apparently, some people think I've been blessed with being antisexual, or asexual. This confused me at first, because I thought being asexual means that if I break off my arm, there would be two of me thanks to the regeneration process that would soon happen afterwards. Apparently, when talking about sexuality, being asexual means you are not attracted to anyone or anything.
Now, why do people say that this is a blessing? Well, you don't have to deal with the pressures of trying to be in a relationship, sex, love, romance, trying to please the other person, the life-long compromise that is marriage (not that it is legal in the state of Tennessee), and all that which comes with being attracted to someone.
So what? Have I gone from thinking I was straight to gay to now nothing at all?
It would appear that the problems just keep stacking up no matter how I try to get over them.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Back and Back
After a good few days without them, the rest of the family came back from Virginia no more than a few hours ago.
And just as soon as they unpacked, everyone got back to what they were doing before. My sister went back to being the responsible favorite of the two of us. My mom went back to being the man of the house. My dad went off to Sam's to get supplies for the family business.
No one said anything that wasn't worth saying about their trip. There was really no need for it. After all, it was just a college sleep over at the dorm for my sister so she would know what it would be like.
I have this odd feeling I'm missing out on a very important part of college life since Watkins has no dorms as of now.
And just as soon as they unpacked, everyone got back to what they were doing before. My sister went back to being the responsible favorite of the two of us. My mom went back to being the man of the house. My dad went off to Sam's to get supplies for the family business.
No one said anything that wasn't worth saying about their trip. There was really no need for it. After all, it was just a college sleep over at the dorm for my sister so she would know what it would be like.
I have this odd feeling I'm missing out on a very important part of college life since Watkins has no dorms as of now.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Dream On
I have seen perfection, and yet I know that it is unobtainable in every level.
Yes, I know, I'm a sad case. I wish the gay boys down here looked like this. Then again, I wish I looked like this, but I know that's too late.
Don't mind me. I'm just lusting away at what I will never have.
Yes, I know, I'm a sad case. I wish the gay boys down here looked like this. Then again, I wish I looked like this, but I know that's too late.
Don't mind me. I'm just lusting away at what I will never have.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Red Grooms at The Frist
I just got back from a day at the Frist Center where they are holding a gallery of the works of Red Grooms.
There was something about his work that I really did not appreciate until I saw them for the first time in person during the Art of Tennessee gallery. Since then, Red Grooms have always stuck in my mind as a favorite artist, if ever there was one.
And now I see why.
His pieces have a whimsy about them that I love. Kind of childlike in nature, the ones in the gallery, yet full of detail that goes unnoticed by the casual viewer. The kind of things like including a reflection in the hot dog cart that we just take for granted. It is those little details that make the piece so enjoyable. I loved hunting for little things that you couldn't see with your naked eye. In fact, there's one piece that was in the gallery that pleased this side of me to no end.
It was a small box of a piece called Tarzan's Theater, I think. It was pretty much the front and side of a normal theater, but if you looked in the window pass the ticket booth, you saw the movie the people were watching inside the theater! Draw on a small square sheet of toilet paper was a cartoon picture of Tarzan and Jane from the old black-and-white days lit only by the reflecting light of the wall on the other side.
Now, most of the viewers that I saw in the gallery today never saw what was inside. In fact, the little write up never even said to look inside the piece. I just found it simply because I like to look inside those kind of things, and it was a reward I was happy to receive.
Speaking of the other viewers, I found it odd that most of the people going to the gallery today were kids in the single digits. They were being corralled like small versions of cattle by babysitters and day care workers that obviously didn't know how to teach them art let alone handle them in a museum setting. In other words, they were loud. Really loud. And if anyone knows about the acoustics in a gallery, that volume does travel at an amplified rate. It almost made some parts of the gallery unbearable to be in.
Overall, though, the gallery was amazing! I don't remember feeling so giddy looking at any art before. Just seeing some of Red Grooms pieces made me feel very much carefree and childish. Kind of like going to Disneyland for the first time, where you are so happy you just want to do everything all at once.
Ah, the power of art.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Popular Media Runs the Government? As if!
I just finished getting into a heated argument over gay people in North America and their acceptance in this country on Gaia.
Let me tell you something first off. This is why I lost faith in society in general.
This person started off by saying that gay people have come a long way because T.A.T.U. became popular because they are lesbians, Christina Aguleria and Justin Timberlake hinted that they wouldn't mind being gay, and because Will & Grace is a top-rated show featuring gay people.
I replied back saying that T.A.T.U. is not made up of lesbians because they told everyone it was just an act before last year ended. Christina and Justin, even if they are gay or bisexual, wouldn't come out publicly and say this because of how damaging it would be to their career. Furthermore, Will & Grace are no longer the top-rated show because sit-coms, in general, are falling in the Nelson ratings.
He still stood by his claim. I told him that the only reason T.A.T.U. got famous is because they gave what every teenage boy wanted. Cheap lesbian porn on MTV. I also said that his view of getting tons of publication for implying that they are gay was nothing more than a cut away from the Madonna kiss to Britney (she did kiss Christina afterwards when the camera was on Justin), and one article in The Advocate. I also told him that sit-coms where falling in ratings, not because of "gayness," but do to the fact that they are not holding their audience, thank you Reality TV.
However he still said that gayness is changing America for the better.
That's a bunch of bullshit. I told him that he was talking about gayness in American popular media. Gayness in North America hasn't really changed since Matthew Shepherd's death. We are still treated as second class citizens by denying us the right to marry in the majority of the states in this country. It is legal to fire someone in the majority of the states in this country simply because the worker is gay, no matter how well a job they do. There are still gay bashing going on in big urban cities, but they don't make the news unless someone dies if even then! On top of that, we have Bible thumpers toting around saying that they can reprogram us, that we have a mental illness that can be cursed, and saying that we are going to hell if we do not change! Gayness in North America hasn't changed anything!! If anything, it is causing more problems that no one in the government wants to deal with!
He then accused me of being a homophobe, to which I laughed at like a million people at a Robin Williams stand up gig. He also claimed that the media is more powerful than the government. His logic was that if gay people are shown in a good light, than gay people are good people.
Not true.
He claimed that more people care about what Beyonce said in an interview more than what Bush said in a press conference.
Also, not true.
He also said that the only reason that Arnold is now "mayor or whatever" is because of his fan base.
Once again, not true. I told him that the only reason Arnold is Gov. of California is because of politics. The last governor was running the state badly, and Arnold promised the people what they wanted to hear. He got elected the same way everyone else gets elected (which the natural exception of Bush Jr.).
The one comment of his that made things swing in my favor is when he claimed that everyone cares more about popular media than they do about politics. That was when someone else in the chat board that I was at popped up and said that if popular media ran the government, we'd be in a hell of a lot of shit and chaos. After all, if the media is so powerful, then why doesn't Justin Timberlake sign the laws? Why doesn't Britney Spears deal with what to do with Iraq? Why doesn't Orlando Bloom figure out what to do about the economy? On top of that, why doesn't Jude Law make gay marriages legal? I'll tell you why. It is because they don't know how to do it! They are entertainers! They may have political views, but they are, at heart, entertainers! They are not politicians!
He then tried to back peddle saying that popular media helps influence the majority. I seriously doubt the majority leader watches MTV. Then again, I doubt anyone in D.C. watches MTV. Those in politics, at least. If it did, Bush would have legalized gay marriages not on the grounds that is the right thing to do in a country that brags about being equal to all its citizens, but on the ground that he likes Will & Grace. But we all know that Bush has better things to do than watch The Fabulous Life of Britney Spears.
He then said in a failed attempt to be right that more people voted in American Idol than in the election.
American Idol doesn't have a one-vote-per-person rule like the national elections do, so that was farce if there ever was one.
Then, in another attempt to save his ass, he claimed that when he said majority, he meant the youth of the nation.
I shot that down by saying that no one in this country has rights unless they are 18 or older, with the exception being free speech. Think about it. You can't buy porn in some states until you are 18. You can't drive in the state of Tennessee, as well as many others, without a licensed driver until you are 18. You normally do not enter college, an adult education facility, until you are 18 or older. On top of that, you are not trialed in a court of law as an adult for adult crimes unless you are 18 or older when you committed the crime. To say that the youth of the country is the majority is ridiculous!
He then left saying he doesn't want to argue any more hoping that I'll realize that people care more about popular media than politics.
For those of you that can't read between the lines, that means he knows he is wrong but he is too proud to admit it because he still feels he is right.
It's a good thing I didn't catch this guy's age. All I know is that if this person is still in his teens, then he has a lot of learning to go through. If he is older than me, well, there's no excuse for that. He's just plain stupid.
One final note about this subject. The only thing popular media has on the government as far as an effect is awareness. That's the only thing popular media can hold over Bush's head. Yes, more people watch TV and admire celebrities, but I seriously doubt they care less about the politics in this country. Those that only care about what type of bread Lance Bass likes to have with his sandwich are in for a shock when they hear news that there is draft talk and they may have to go to war against their will. That's where popular media comes in to aware these people before hand. If interviews with celebrities were less about "So, do you have a girlfriend, Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliff?" and more about "So, what do you think about the war in Iraq, Mr. Speilburg? And please, don't hold back.", then these types of people that only listen to those in popular media would have the same awareness as Larry King's viewers!
Of course, then again, I wouldn't have anything as easily entertaining as these stupid people, but hell, there's always a village idiot somewhere in the world.
Let me tell you something first off. This is why I lost faith in society in general.
This person started off by saying that gay people have come a long way because T.A.T.U. became popular because they are lesbians, Christina Aguleria and Justin Timberlake hinted that they wouldn't mind being gay, and because Will & Grace is a top-rated show featuring gay people.
I replied back saying that T.A.T.U. is not made up of lesbians because they told everyone it was just an act before last year ended. Christina and Justin, even if they are gay or bisexual, wouldn't come out publicly and say this because of how damaging it would be to their career. Furthermore, Will & Grace are no longer the top-rated show because sit-coms, in general, are falling in the Nelson ratings.
He still stood by his claim. I told him that the only reason T.A.T.U. got famous is because they gave what every teenage boy wanted. Cheap lesbian porn on MTV. I also said that his view of getting tons of publication for implying that they are gay was nothing more than a cut away from the Madonna kiss to Britney (she did kiss Christina afterwards when the camera was on Justin), and one article in The Advocate. I also told him that sit-coms where falling in ratings, not because of "gayness," but do to the fact that they are not holding their audience, thank you Reality TV.
However he still said that gayness is changing America for the better.
That's a bunch of bullshit. I told him that he was talking about gayness in American popular media. Gayness in North America hasn't really changed since Matthew Shepherd's death. We are still treated as second class citizens by denying us the right to marry in the majority of the states in this country. It is legal to fire someone in the majority of the states in this country simply because the worker is gay, no matter how well a job they do. There are still gay bashing going on in big urban cities, but they don't make the news unless someone dies if even then! On top of that, we have Bible thumpers toting around saying that they can reprogram us, that we have a mental illness that can be cursed, and saying that we are going to hell if we do not change! Gayness in North America hasn't changed anything!! If anything, it is causing more problems that no one in the government wants to deal with!
He then accused me of being a homophobe, to which I laughed at like a million people at a Robin Williams stand up gig. He also claimed that the media is more powerful than the government. His logic was that if gay people are shown in a good light, than gay people are good people.
Not true.
He claimed that more people care about what Beyonce said in an interview more than what Bush said in a press conference.
Also, not true.
He also said that the only reason that Arnold is now "mayor or whatever" is because of his fan base.
Once again, not true. I told him that the only reason Arnold is Gov. of California is because of politics. The last governor was running the state badly, and Arnold promised the people what they wanted to hear. He got elected the same way everyone else gets elected (which the natural exception of Bush Jr.).
The one comment of his that made things swing in my favor is when he claimed that everyone cares more about popular media than they do about politics. That was when someone else in the chat board that I was at popped up and said that if popular media ran the government, we'd be in a hell of a lot of shit and chaos. After all, if the media is so powerful, then why doesn't Justin Timberlake sign the laws? Why doesn't Britney Spears deal with what to do with Iraq? Why doesn't Orlando Bloom figure out what to do about the economy? On top of that, why doesn't Jude Law make gay marriages legal? I'll tell you why. It is because they don't know how to do it! They are entertainers! They may have political views, but they are, at heart, entertainers! They are not politicians!
He then tried to back peddle saying that popular media helps influence the majority. I seriously doubt the majority leader watches MTV. Then again, I doubt anyone in D.C. watches MTV. Those in politics, at least. If it did, Bush would have legalized gay marriages not on the grounds that is the right thing to do in a country that brags about being equal to all its citizens, but on the ground that he likes Will & Grace. But we all know that Bush has better things to do than watch The Fabulous Life of Britney Spears.
He then said in a failed attempt to be right that more people voted in American Idol than in the election.
American Idol doesn't have a one-vote-per-person rule like the national elections do, so that was farce if there ever was one.
Then, in another attempt to save his ass, he claimed that when he said majority, he meant the youth of the nation.
I shot that down by saying that no one in this country has rights unless they are 18 or older, with the exception being free speech. Think about it. You can't buy porn in some states until you are 18. You can't drive in the state of Tennessee, as well as many others, without a licensed driver until you are 18. You normally do not enter college, an adult education facility, until you are 18 or older. On top of that, you are not trialed in a court of law as an adult for adult crimes unless you are 18 or older when you committed the crime. To say that the youth of the country is the majority is ridiculous!
He then left saying he doesn't want to argue any more hoping that I'll realize that people care more about popular media than politics.
For those of you that can't read between the lines, that means he knows he is wrong but he is too proud to admit it because he still feels he is right.
It's a good thing I didn't catch this guy's age. All I know is that if this person is still in his teens, then he has a lot of learning to go through. If he is older than me, well, there's no excuse for that. He's just plain stupid.
One final note about this subject. The only thing popular media has on the government as far as an effect is awareness. That's the only thing popular media can hold over Bush's head. Yes, more people watch TV and admire celebrities, but I seriously doubt they care less about the politics in this country. Those that only care about what type of bread Lance Bass likes to have with his sandwich are in for a shock when they hear news that there is draft talk and they may have to go to war against their will. That's where popular media comes in to aware these people before hand. If interviews with celebrities were less about "So, do you have a girlfriend, Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliff?" and more about "So, what do you think about the war in Iraq, Mr. Speilburg? And please, don't hold back.", then these types of people that only listen to those in popular media would have the same awareness as Larry King's viewers!
Of course, then again, I wouldn't have anything as easily entertaining as these stupid people, but hell, there's always a village idiot somewhere in the world.
I'm a Servant, Not a Son
The only reason I'm up this early is because of the fact that my mother came into my room and woke me up saying that they were leaving for my sister's college orientation day. The last words she said was to take care of my sister's dog.
I then went back to sleep only to have a dream that I'm not to happy about.
I heard Shadow, the dog, come up the stairs. I assumed that they let her out for some little exercise, so I got up and was going to put her back in her pen. When I got to the main area of my room, I noticed that it was clean. Everything that could be thrown out was. The only things left were my wood piece from 3-D design and my drawing board, which was missing a piece of left over canvas paper. A sense of overwhelming rage came over me as I knew the truth for the first time.
I then woke up a second time to find my room just as I have left it.
Shadow and I have a lot in common. We are both overweight, we both have something wrong with our hearts (Shadow has heart worms, whatever those are.), we both are cut off from the rest of the world thanks to isolation, we are both depressed in one form or another, and we both are not considered a member of the family except by one naive person who just happens to be my sister.
The only big difference is that Shadow can find a new family, if given the chance, while I can't.
In retrospect, I never really was a member of this family. I was more like a servant that got occasional awards for doing things. Kind of like the kid that always had to be bribed with a Happy Meal just so they can do their homework when they got home from school. (Yes, that was me as well.) Recently, however, it's been more along the lines of "Jon, do this" and "Jon, do that" and "Jon, why don't you do this for me because I'm too lazy to do it myself."
I had to be a pack mule and load up the Highlander with my sister's new computer confirming that I was denied one, and subsequently taking over "the family computer." I had to cook at one point after getting back from my failure in Seattle, which fell out of habit due to a lack of enjoyment. I became the family IT whenever something happened to this computer or my sister's computer just because I happen to be on it a lot, therefore I should know how to fix it by their logic.
Not once can I remember right now a time where they asked me what I wanted to do or how my day was, especially if I had a good day. I cannot remember a time where I had a conversation with them at the same length and attention as my sister. On top of that, the only thing I can think of right now that comes close to me being a part of this family is the fact that they came to everything a parent is obligated to go to. Graduation, First Communion, Open House at Watkins. All the bringing me free food and giving me cash seems more like payment for being here and doing little things than actual little bits of when they were actually thinking about me, unless it came from my sister or my aunt.
Wow, I really have gone insane. I'm comparing my life to that of the dog. Like there is a difference.
I then went back to sleep only to have a dream that I'm not to happy about.
I heard Shadow, the dog, come up the stairs. I assumed that they let her out for some little exercise, so I got up and was going to put her back in her pen. When I got to the main area of my room, I noticed that it was clean. Everything that could be thrown out was. The only things left were my wood piece from 3-D design and my drawing board, which was missing a piece of left over canvas paper. A sense of overwhelming rage came over me as I knew the truth for the first time.
I then woke up a second time to find my room just as I have left it.
Shadow and I have a lot in common. We are both overweight, we both have something wrong with our hearts (Shadow has heart worms, whatever those are.), we both are cut off from the rest of the world thanks to isolation, we are both depressed in one form or another, and we both are not considered a member of the family except by one naive person who just happens to be my sister.
The only big difference is that Shadow can find a new family, if given the chance, while I can't.
In retrospect, I never really was a member of this family. I was more like a servant that got occasional awards for doing things. Kind of like the kid that always had to be bribed with a Happy Meal just so they can do their homework when they got home from school. (Yes, that was me as well.) Recently, however, it's been more along the lines of "Jon, do this" and "Jon, do that" and "Jon, why don't you do this for me because I'm too lazy to do it myself."
I had to be a pack mule and load up the Highlander with my sister's new computer confirming that I was denied one, and subsequently taking over "the family computer." I had to cook at one point after getting back from my failure in Seattle, which fell out of habit due to a lack of enjoyment. I became the family IT whenever something happened to this computer or my sister's computer just because I happen to be on it a lot, therefore I should know how to fix it by their logic.
Not once can I remember right now a time where they asked me what I wanted to do or how my day was, especially if I had a good day. I cannot remember a time where I had a conversation with them at the same length and attention as my sister. On top of that, the only thing I can think of right now that comes close to me being a part of this family is the fact that they came to everything a parent is obligated to go to. Graduation, First Communion, Open House at Watkins. All the bringing me free food and giving me cash seems more like payment for being here and doing little things than actual little bits of when they were actually thinking about me, unless it came from my sister or my aunt.
Wow, I really have gone insane. I'm comparing my life to that of the dog. Like there is a difference.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Because I Am Bored
The Free 900 Number
Theory
Use a calling card to call up a 900 number or any number that bills you. Since you are calling a switching network which charges you already in the form of minutes on a pre-paid calling card, if you call a 900 number or any number that bills you, you are connected for free! The reasoning is because numbers that bill you directly require a form of caller-ID in which, when calling directly, they use to bill you. They find your number in a computer database, find your address and phone service company, and then charge you via notifying your phone service. If you use a calling card, because you are calling from a switching network which has its own number, they will be unable to trace the call back to you and charge you.
Reality
Calling Card companies make it impossible to call 900 numbers via calling cards. They will simply play that little recording that says "This service is unavailable."
Theory
Use a calling card to call up a 900 number or any number that bills you. Since you are calling a switching network which charges you already in the form of minutes on a pre-paid calling card, if you call a 900 number or any number that bills you, you are connected for free! The reasoning is because numbers that bill you directly require a form of caller-ID in which, when calling directly, they use to bill you. They find your number in a computer database, find your address and phone service company, and then charge you via notifying your phone service. If you use a calling card, because you are calling from a switching network which has its own number, they will be unable to trace the call back to you and charge you.
Reality
Calling Card companies make it impossible to call 900 numbers via calling cards. They will simply play that little recording that says "This service is unavailable."
It's Impossible!
Just when I think that things couldn't get any worst, the computer starts acting up yet again. Let's go down the list of problems, shall we?
The first thing that came up was this pair of weird errors saying that Windows Media Player can't be loaded in a file directory that shouldn't even have Windows Media Player in it. I tried to remove it from the register file that is responsible for this, but since I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't bother.
Second error occurred just now. A bunch of numbers and letters popped up saying that the system couldn't write that file for MSN Messenger. As such, Messenger cannot load.
Finally, AIM is unable to load after one session of use after my reinstallation. It will let me enter in my password, but after that, the window that is suppose to tell you your connection status to the AIM network disappears. The little icon in the system tray would also disappear when I would put my mouse on it, which signals the fact that the program crashed without warning.
On top of that, I'm still getting pop-ups when I'm doing nothing (I nuked about three just typing this entry alone!), and I cannot get rid of whatever shit-ware is on here!
It's times like these I really wish I was a nerd instead of labeled one.
The first thing that came up was this pair of weird errors saying that Windows Media Player can't be loaded in a file directory that shouldn't even have Windows Media Player in it. I tried to remove it from the register file that is responsible for this, but since I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't bother.
Second error occurred just now. A bunch of numbers and letters popped up saying that the system couldn't write that file for MSN Messenger. As such, Messenger cannot load.
Finally, AIM is unable to load after one session of use after my reinstallation. It will let me enter in my password, but after that, the window that is suppose to tell you your connection status to the AIM network disappears. The little icon in the system tray would also disappear when I would put my mouse on it, which signals the fact that the program crashed without warning.
On top of that, I'm still getting pop-ups when I'm doing nothing (I nuked about three just typing this entry alone!), and I cannot get rid of whatever shit-ware is on here!
It's times like these I really wish I was a nerd instead of labeled one.
It's Unavoidable
No matter where I go, no matter how hard I try to forget, I can't do it.
Andrew and Bill and Dan and Leo and David and James and just about everyone else I can remember having put some kind of emotional effort into keeps coming back from the farthest reaches of my mind thanks to something that I find that reminds me of them.
Case in point, this guy.
Chance, Exclusive model for Club2001
He only did one porno film for Bel Ami, and damn is it a hot one.
So why does this bother me so much? What is it about him that just makes me kick myself in the ass mentally?
Well, he looks like Bill last time I saw him. It's kind of creepy in a way, but sexy too.
Bill was always the little brother I never had, but for some reason I ended up treating him like shit. I blame whatever mental illness I have that causes my emotions to go all out-of-control. Then again, some big brothers do treat their little brothers like shit, but they still love them. I guess the later applies to me right now.
God, I miss him. If I miss anyone out of that entire group of blond twinks, I miss Bill most of all. Just thinking about him and what I did to him makes me want to die.
I hate being this way.
Andrew and Bill and Dan and Leo and David and James and just about everyone else I can remember having put some kind of emotional effort into keeps coming back from the farthest reaches of my mind thanks to something that I find that reminds me of them.
Case in point, this guy.
Chance, Exclusive model for Club2001
He only did one porno film for Bel Ami, and damn is it a hot one.
So why does this bother me so much? What is it about him that just makes me kick myself in the ass mentally?
Well, he looks like Bill last time I saw him. It's kind of creepy in a way, but sexy too.
Bill was always the little brother I never had, but for some reason I ended up treating him like shit. I blame whatever mental illness I have that causes my emotions to go all out-of-control. Then again, some big brothers do treat their little brothers like shit, but they still love them. I guess the later applies to me right now.
God, I miss him. If I miss anyone out of that entire group of blond twinks, I miss Bill most of all. Just thinking about him and what I did to him makes me want to die.
I hate being this way.
It was a mistake... as usual.
I reinstalled all the things I uninstalled, partly out of the fact that I missed it (like AIM) and partly out of the fact that it's better than nothing (like AdAware).
Feel free to gonk me on the head with a squeaky mallet in the comments.
Feel free to gonk me on the head with a squeaky mallet in the comments.
Monday, June 14, 2004
This is starting to scare me.
It's happening again.
Sometime between 23:00 and now, I came to the realization that nothing interests me anymore. I don't feel like producing art. I don't feel like playing games of any kind. I don't want to do much of anything short of sleep all the time and eat cheap fast food.
The remission is over. I'm back to where I was before I started college.
The one thing missing from my life is never going to come back. I'm never going to have a close friend who is so close to me that they would feel this shocking realization before I do! (Yes, some people are that close to each other. I've seen it before.) I'm never going to have that kind of person ever again in my life because I can't have that kind of person. I'm not socially capable nor am I likeable enough to warrant one.
I feel alone. Cold. It is as if there is nothing in the world right now that could make this better short of what I lost. Not my art, not any of my games, not even sleep can help me. It's a strange feeling, like being lost in a mall the size of one of the Walt Disney World theme parks. It's a new hurt that I didn't think could surpass the pain I feel right now in my heart. That feeling that there is a hole in there.
What's going to happen to me now? I'm very much afraid of what will happen to me.
Sometime between 23:00 and now, I came to the realization that nothing interests me anymore. I don't feel like producing art. I don't feel like playing games of any kind. I don't want to do much of anything short of sleep all the time and eat cheap fast food.
The remission is over. I'm back to where I was before I started college.
The one thing missing from my life is never going to come back. I'm never going to have a close friend who is so close to me that they would feel this shocking realization before I do! (Yes, some people are that close to each other. I've seen it before.) I'm never going to have that kind of person ever again in my life because I can't have that kind of person. I'm not socially capable nor am I likeable enough to warrant one.
I feel alone. Cold. It is as if there is nothing in the world right now that could make this better short of what I lost. Not my art, not any of my games, not even sleep can help me. It's a strange feeling, like being lost in a mall the size of one of the Walt Disney World theme parks. It's a new hurt that I didn't think could surpass the pain I feel right now in my heart. That feeling that there is a hole in there.
What's going to happen to me now? I'm very much afraid of what will happen to me.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Reset the Six Year Emotional Recovery... YET AGAIN!
I blame this movie that's coming out.
I hope you smart readers out there are putting two and two together. Those that don't already know that is.
Not that you would believe me.
I need to avoid any and all popular media in any shape and form at this rate just to get better.
I hope you smart readers out there are putting two and two together. Those that don't already know that is.
Not that you would believe me.
I need to avoid any and all popular media in any shape and form at this rate just to get better.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Fighting Pop-Ups with Pop-Ups
I conducted another experiment yesterday with the pop-up ads I've been so angry about to where I want to put the person responsible for the coding into space without any protection of any kind.
I ran Live365, an internet radio service, and found that their pop-up ads that appear because I'm not a paying member actually override whatever is on my system that gives me pop-up ads out the ass. As long as I have one of my three preset stations playing, my pop-up count is cut by at least half!
Now I know what they mean by fighting fire with fire.
I ran Live365, an internet radio service, and found that their pop-up ads that appear because I'm not a paying member actually override whatever is on my system that gives me pop-up ads out the ass. As long as I have one of my three preset stations playing, my pop-up count is cut by at least half!
Now I know what they mean by fighting fire with fire.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Internet Capitalism
Yes, this blog has been brought about by my recent defeat in the war against pop-ups.
The internet is no longer what I remember it to be. Sadly, I am the last generation that knows what life was like before the internet was made publicly available. I've seen many wonderful things come out of the internet. Flash animation good enough for television broadcast, online gaming, worlds of different people from different social backgrounds and educations.
I've also seen a lot of bad things come out of the internet. In fact, I've seen more bad things among the good things, as you probably can already tell.
The "dot com" at the end of my blog means that I am a part of a commercial website. If this was a "dot org," then I would be a part of an organization. If this was a "dot gov," I would be associated with the government.
The thing is about having a dot-com is the fact that it has now translated into a site used for commercial reasons. Having a dot-com means having a business of some kind. Neopets is a dot-com, but they don't run a business. They run a game site who's target audience are the kids between 10 and 14. While on their own, these children don't have enough money to support the services of the site, and they shouldn't. They are just kids. Therefore, the site is free to use. The only reason that it is free is thanks in part to sponsorship from McDonald's and Disney's Motion Pictures. Oh, and of course the products found in Limited Too.
See what I mean? That entire last paragraph is an example of what has happened to the internet. What started out as a good idea turns into a corporation hell-bent on making money. Call me anti-capitalism, but I don't think that's right. While I do support internet shopping, I don't like how most every well-meaning site has to put out some kind of product just to keep their servers online and their bandwidth stable. I don't like how even the most simple and non-profitable site on the internet has to have banners and pop-up ads just so they can stay online without charging their users, thereby pissing them off.
The internet, as I see it, was originally designed as a way to communicate with people over great distances instantly. It still is, but now we have to wad through porn ads, spyware, RealArcade games, viruses sent through e-mails like it was anthrax, money scams, lag time, Shockwave and Java only sites as if it was some kind of racist club, and so on. We can still communicate with each other, but several thousand of people with money choose to communicate to the masses in the most annoying way of all!
I was told once that advertising on the television and radio was nothing new and people accepted it. When they started advertising in the movie theaters, people hated it. Now, people are used to it. Hell, when I went to see Harry Potter and Shrek 2, they had a commercial-only show running in front of the previews called TheTwenty! Society, as a whole, has generally accepted this kind of advertisement. Does that mean that eventually, banners and pop-up ads will be accepted as the norm even though some ads are evil and install software in your computer you didn't ask?
How would you like it if you went to the grocery store and a General Mills representative snuck in a box of one of their cereals into your cart as the check-out guy was scanning your milk? Okay, that example is a bit extreme since you will end up paying for it, but you get the idea. You didn't want that box of cereal, so you didn't buy it. Someone put it in there. The same deal with some of these ads I've come across. I don't want to make them my homepage, but yet they do so anyway. I don't want to download their program, but yet they do so anyway.
All this in the name of advertisement, the very backbone of how capitalism works in some cases. Get the product out there so you can make money. Supply and demand.
Well, guess what? I demand you stop supplying me. I demand that you stop supplying anyone else that doesn't demand a supply from you! Get your ad out of my face, get your product off my computer, and get the hell out of my sight!
The internet is no longer what I remember it to be. Sadly, I am the last generation that knows what life was like before the internet was made publicly available. I've seen many wonderful things come out of the internet. Flash animation good enough for television broadcast, online gaming, worlds of different people from different social backgrounds and educations.
I've also seen a lot of bad things come out of the internet. In fact, I've seen more bad things among the good things, as you probably can already tell.
The "dot com" at the end of my blog means that I am a part of a commercial website. If this was a "dot org," then I would be a part of an organization. If this was a "dot gov," I would be associated with the government.
The thing is about having a dot-com is the fact that it has now translated into a site used for commercial reasons. Having a dot-com means having a business of some kind. Neopets is a dot-com, but they don't run a business. They run a game site who's target audience are the kids between 10 and 14. While on their own, these children don't have enough money to support the services of the site, and they shouldn't. They are just kids. Therefore, the site is free to use. The only reason that it is free is thanks in part to sponsorship from McDonald's and Disney's Motion Pictures. Oh, and of course the products found in Limited Too.
See what I mean? That entire last paragraph is an example of what has happened to the internet. What started out as a good idea turns into a corporation hell-bent on making money. Call me anti-capitalism, but I don't think that's right. While I do support internet shopping, I don't like how most every well-meaning site has to put out some kind of product just to keep their servers online and their bandwidth stable. I don't like how even the most simple and non-profitable site on the internet has to have banners and pop-up ads just so they can stay online without charging their users, thereby pissing them off.
The internet, as I see it, was originally designed as a way to communicate with people over great distances instantly. It still is, but now we have to wad through porn ads, spyware, RealArcade games, viruses sent through e-mails like it was anthrax, money scams, lag time, Shockwave and Java only sites as if it was some kind of racist club, and so on. We can still communicate with each other, but several thousand of people with money choose to communicate to the masses in the most annoying way of all!
I was told once that advertising on the television and radio was nothing new and people accepted it. When they started advertising in the movie theaters, people hated it. Now, people are used to it. Hell, when I went to see Harry Potter and Shrek 2, they had a commercial-only show running in front of the previews called TheTwenty! Society, as a whole, has generally accepted this kind of advertisement. Does that mean that eventually, banners and pop-up ads will be accepted as the norm even though some ads are evil and install software in your computer you didn't ask?
How would you like it if you went to the grocery store and a General Mills representative snuck in a box of one of their cereals into your cart as the check-out guy was scanning your milk? Okay, that example is a bit extreme since you will end up paying for it, but you get the idea. You didn't want that box of cereal, so you didn't buy it. Someone put it in there. The same deal with some of these ads I've come across. I don't want to make them my homepage, but yet they do so anyway. I don't want to download their program, but yet they do so anyway.
All this in the name of advertisement, the very backbone of how capitalism works in some cases. Get the product out there so you can make money. Supply and demand.
Well, guess what? I demand you stop supplying me. I demand that you stop supplying anyone else that doesn't demand a supply from you! Get your ad out of my face, get your product off my computer, and get the hell out of my sight!
Open Target
Yes, I've officially given up on trying to get rid of spyware.
I have uninstalled AdAware. It no longer works like it should, and I still get ads out the ass even after I run it for no reason at all.
You hear that, you evil advertisers! You won! Happy now? Feel free to send all those stupid ads and spyware my way, because they will be nicely hosted and kept all warm and comfortable in my stupid computer.
One of these days I'm going to get really pissed off at something as little as this and disappear off the face of the planet.
I have uninstalled AdAware. It no longer works like it should, and I still get ads out the ass even after I run it for no reason at all.
You hear that, you evil advertisers! You won! Happy now? Feel free to send all those stupid ads and spyware my way, because they will be nicely hosted and kept all warm and comfortable in my stupid computer.
One of these days I'm going to get really pissed off at something as little as this and disappear off the face of the planet.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
An Experiment With Spam
I have already given up in trying to get rid of spyware and all that crap. This morning, I decided to do a little test to see what would happen if I just ignored the ads entirely and let them stay open.
Well, after being greeted with a glitch in Neopets preventing me from logging in, I counted a total of 20 windows outside of the one browser I was on to type this and do my usual morning run.
That's right. Twenty windows were open in the background, most of which came from MouseInfo.com. That's excusable since the owner is trying to cut costs down, but I did find it ridiculous that a new pop-up ad came up every time I clicked on a new page. The only thing that could top those are the ads that just appear when you are doing nothing but reading an e-mail or a message board post. You don't even hear the clicking sound the computer makes when the page refreshes or any kind of fair warning! It just appears!
A note to any advertisers that are spying on me right now, because I know one of you installed a key recognizer for all those night I Google in something. First off, don't bother reading my passwords. I have nothing of value to you unless you want to get approximately half-a-million in fake money. Secondly, when you advertise like this (using pop-ups), you make your potential buyer angry. When they are angry at your product, they won't buy it. They don't care if it works or not. If you annoy them into trying to buy it, they won't. People like to buy things when they are happy, not when they are forced to. I know my computer has spyware and I should do this and that, but honestly, I wouldn't have the damn spyware if you, Mr. Advertiser, didn't secretly put it on my machine with your ads saying how your software is the best or how I should use some stupid patch to lose ten pounds without changing my diet! You are stupider than the people that actually click on the "You are the 1,000,000th visitor to this site! Claim your prize!" ad if you think that this tactic of advertising works! It only aggravates your target audience to no end. That's why instead of buying your software, they go for the ones that are passed by word-of-mouth. Oh, and get this! The software they are downloading and using are the ones designed to stop your advertising! Now, I would assume that you would hire your own programmer to get around these programs, and some do. But that's an overhead, a cost, something to eat away at your little profits. Don't do it if you love making money so much.
If I had my way, pop-up ads would be illegal. Advertising on the web should be strictly banner based just like on my blog. No pop-up advertising. The only pop-up windows I want to see are when I want to watch a Flash animation on Newgrounds, play a game on Neopets, or get a rare gift event on Gaia. Other than that, to hell with all pop-up ads!!
Well, after being greeted with a glitch in Neopets preventing me from logging in, I counted a total of 20 windows outside of the one browser I was on to type this and do my usual morning run.
That's right. Twenty windows were open in the background, most of which came from MouseInfo.com. That's excusable since the owner is trying to cut costs down, but I did find it ridiculous that a new pop-up ad came up every time I clicked on a new page. The only thing that could top those are the ads that just appear when you are doing nothing but reading an e-mail or a message board post. You don't even hear the clicking sound the computer makes when the page refreshes or any kind of fair warning! It just appears!
A note to any advertisers that are spying on me right now, because I know one of you installed a key recognizer for all those night I Google in something. First off, don't bother reading my passwords. I have nothing of value to you unless you want to get approximately half-a-million in fake money. Secondly, when you advertise like this (using pop-ups), you make your potential buyer angry. When they are angry at your product, they won't buy it. They don't care if it works or not. If you annoy them into trying to buy it, they won't. People like to buy things when they are happy, not when they are forced to. I know my computer has spyware and I should do this and that, but honestly, I wouldn't have the damn spyware if you, Mr. Advertiser, didn't secretly put it on my machine with your ads saying how your software is the best or how I should use some stupid patch to lose ten pounds without changing my diet! You are stupider than the people that actually click on the "You are the 1,000,000th visitor to this site! Claim your prize!" ad if you think that this tactic of advertising works! It only aggravates your target audience to no end. That's why instead of buying your software, they go for the ones that are passed by word-of-mouth. Oh, and get this! The software they are downloading and using are the ones designed to stop your advertising! Now, I would assume that you would hire your own programmer to get around these programs, and some do. But that's an overhead, a cost, something to eat away at your little profits. Don't do it if you love making money so much.
If I had my way, pop-up ads would be illegal. Advertising on the web should be strictly banner based just like on my blog. No pop-up advertising. The only pop-up windows I want to see are when I want to watch a Flash animation on Newgrounds, play a game on Neopets, or get a rare gift event on Gaia. Other than that, to hell with all pop-up ads!!
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Fragments and Trojans and Spam! Oh my!
I hate technology. It is one of those things that I wish I never got into. Kind of like a drug. I love it when I can enjoy it, but when I can't I hate it.
After finally having it with all the pop-ups and spam that came my way, made it a point to run AdAware. I ran it five fucking times, and I still could not get rid of any of them. Someone told me that it may be a virus, so I signed out of everything and ran a virus scan. You can find the program I used in the links. I found and deleted 14 viruses. All if which had the letters "AD" in them.
I remembered being told that AIM and all of the other instant messaging programs have a hole in it that people can use to send you evil things like spyware and viruses. I didn't want to deal with all these pop ups again, so I nuked what IM programs I have. I have no real use for them anymore since I only talk to one or two people on them at a time. Besides, it will help me better distance myself and any chance of running into "them."
Then I ran a system defrag just to make this machine run better.
So, the computer has been on for the last two hours and a half doing nothing more but maintenance work. I'm tired and bitter, and really don't want to deal with any more of this shit. It's bad enough that I had to go all that emotional shit the other day with my aunt's DVD. The last thing I need is for my escape to be an asshole to me.
So, just for the record, the only way that you (all three of you) can get in contact is with the following methods listed from greatest chance of reply: any of my e-mails, Gaia's, MouseInfo.com's, Superdude.net's, or Neopet's private message system, RuneScape's live chat provided you can find me, and this blog.
I need a vacation.
After finally having it with all the pop-ups and spam that came my way, made it a point to run AdAware. I ran it five fucking times, and I still could not get rid of any of them. Someone told me that it may be a virus, so I signed out of everything and ran a virus scan. You can find the program I used in the links. I found and deleted 14 viruses. All if which had the letters "AD" in them.
I remembered being told that AIM and all of the other instant messaging programs have a hole in it that people can use to send you evil things like spyware and viruses. I didn't want to deal with all these pop ups again, so I nuked what IM programs I have. I have no real use for them anymore since I only talk to one or two people on them at a time. Besides, it will help me better distance myself and any chance of running into "them."
Then I ran a system defrag just to make this machine run better.
So, the computer has been on for the last two hours and a half doing nothing more but maintenance work. I'm tired and bitter, and really don't want to deal with any more of this shit. It's bad enough that I had to go all that emotional shit the other day with my aunt's DVD. The last thing I need is for my escape to be an asshole to me.
So, just for the record, the only way that you (all three of you) can get in contact is with the following methods listed from greatest chance of reply: any of my e-mails, Gaia's, MouseInfo.com's, Superdude.net's, or Neopet's private message system, RuneScape's live chat provided you can find me, and this blog.
I need a vacation.
Monday, June 07, 2004
The Man with the Steel Blue Eyes
I watched a DVD of my aunt's that I never saw before. It was the first movie that I couldn't finish all the way through because I could not handle it. I could not handle watching one of the actors.
Hearing his voice this time sent in me a sting in my ears. The kind of familiar sting you get when someone calls your name, someone you know but have not seen or heard from in a long time.
As I looked at him, my eyes began to scan his entire body. I saw things of beauty that made me sad. The kind of beauty that one knows is either temporary in nature or unobtainable.
But it was his eyes. Those steel-blue eyes. His eyes made my blood run cold, as if fear and death were right behind me. His eyes made my heart sting and hurt once again with the paint that I've grown familiar with. A pain so familiar that I hate it with every fiber of my being as I type this. His beautiful eyes. So gentle, so expressive.
I could not watch as his fellow actors began to tell him what they were going to do with him, practically giving away the rest of the movie. His eyes read fear, confusion, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that the world would be alright. His voice was frail and innocent, and I fell in love again despite the fact that I did not want to!
Why?
Tell me. Why is it you affect me this way so much now? Why is it that I can no longer be a fan of your great talent knowing what I know about you and how I feel about you? Why does it hurt so much knowing that this will be the only way I will ever see you? Why did it have to be this way?
Why did I make it this way?
The pain is great, but I must swallow my pride and endure it. I have no choice but to try and get over this "Everest of Emotion"... or die in the torture from which my heart gives out.
Hearing his voice this time sent in me a sting in my ears. The kind of familiar sting you get when someone calls your name, someone you know but have not seen or heard from in a long time.
As I looked at him, my eyes began to scan his entire body. I saw things of beauty that made me sad. The kind of beauty that one knows is either temporary in nature or unobtainable.
But it was his eyes. Those steel-blue eyes. His eyes made my blood run cold, as if fear and death were right behind me. His eyes made my heart sting and hurt once again with the paint that I've grown familiar with. A pain so familiar that I hate it with every fiber of my being as I type this. His beautiful eyes. So gentle, so expressive.
I could not watch as his fellow actors began to tell him what they were going to do with him, practically giving away the rest of the movie. His eyes read fear, confusion, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that the world would be alright. His voice was frail and innocent, and I fell in love again despite the fact that I did not want to!
Why?
Tell me. Why is it you affect me this way so much now? Why is it that I can no longer be a fan of your great talent knowing what I know about you and how I feel about you? Why does it hurt so much knowing that this will be the only way I will ever see you? Why did it have to be this way?
Why did I make it this way?
The pain is great, but I must swallow my pride and endure it. I have no choice but to try and get over this "Everest of Emotion"... or die in the torture from which my heart gives out.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Seen Twice, Just As Nice
I saw the new Harry Potter movie... twice.
The first time I saw it was with my sister, her best friend, and the kids that she was babysitting. I loved it the first time around, and several things from it stayed with me, mostly the darker scenes involving the Dementors.
The second time around, my family was hoping to get into the IMAX format version of the film. Little did we know that it would cost us about $5 more than the normal ticket. So, we opted for the normal screen. The thing is, we didn't get normal audio. We were in a digital theater with DTS Surround Sound. Not quite the same bass as the IMAX, but just as good.
The audio was something that always impressed me with movies that involved special effects. I think the foley artists (the people that make and invent sound from common sounds) are the most under appreciated team of the special effects department. There were several times where I found myself in awe at some of the sounds. The high-pitch shrieks of the Dementors, the popping sound during the Expeliamous spell, and the voice of the Hippogriff. I also noticed a ticking sound during the last portion of the film that I didn't hear the first time, as well as several lines I missed my first viewing for one reason or another.
The next movie I'll end up seeing twice is going to be Shrek 2. You know what that means. Time to break out and force my mom to watch my Shrek 1 DVD!
The first time I saw it was with my sister, her best friend, and the kids that she was babysitting. I loved it the first time around, and several things from it stayed with me, mostly the darker scenes involving the Dementors.
The second time around, my family was hoping to get into the IMAX format version of the film. Little did we know that it would cost us about $5 more than the normal ticket. So, we opted for the normal screen. The thing is, we didn't get normal audio. We were in a digital theater with DTS Surround Sound. Not quite the same bass as the IMAX, but just as good.
The audio was something that always impressed me with movies that involved special effects. I think the foley artists (the people that make and invent sound from common sounds) are the most under appreciated team of the special effects department. There were several times where I found myself in awe at some of the sounds. The high-pitch shrieks of the Dementors, the popping sound during the Expeliamous spell, and the voice of the Hippogriff. I also noticed a ticking sound during the last portion of the film that I didn't hear the first time, as well as several lines I missed my first viewing for one reason or another.
The next movie I'll end up seeing twice is going to be Shrek 2. You know what that means. Time to break out and force my mom to watch my Shrek 1 DVD!
Thursday, June 03, 2004
How To Be A Fuck Friend
- Rule #1 - Both players need to agree that at no time will they have or aspire to have a "real" relationship together.
- * Clause - Friends who have been in a relationship together in the past should not attempt to have a "FF" relationship with each other until at least two years have passed. And both must agree that at no time will they ever want to be in a relationship with each other again.
- Rule #2 - Both players need to agree that they hot for each other, but can also be hot for a series of other people.
- Rule #3 - Novelty and variety. The basis of a "FF" relationship is the option to sleep with other people - guilt free. Neither party should feel any obligation to make the "FF" a priority.
- Example: Just because the "FFs" are out together at the same bar...?doesn't imply they are going to go home with each other that night. (That is the obligation of people "in" a relationship). However, "FF" etiquette advises that if the "FFs" are not leaving together, they should try and get each others rock's off prior to leaving the bar.
- Rule #4 - (very important one) -There are no certainties in the "FF" relationship, e.g. just because one of the players is in the mood that night the other player has no responsibility to fulfill their desires. Otherwise, the issue of dependency starts, and well, THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR DEPENDANCY IN A FUCK FRIEND RELATIONSHIP!!!
- Rule #5 - "FFs" are not expected to sleep over. This should be decided upon prior to the sexual act - each time - so plans can be made and no one feels "kicked out".
- *Clause- If a sleepover is agreed upon, the issue of cuddling needs to be discussed. Cuddles do not mean intimacy in this case - they should only be looked upon as creature comforts.
- Rule #6 - Frequency of sexual encounters should be kept to a once a week maximum. This is to avoid getting used to a pattern. The days of the week of the sexual encounters should also vary, so that players don't come to expect sex every Friday, for example.
- Rule #7- Don't forget the FRIEND in "Fuck Friend". Both players need to keep each other informed of other sexual encounters or interests in each others lives (like friends do). This is to make sure that at no time does one party feel they are being "kept in the dark" or obligated to protect the feelings of the other. The only feelings that should come into play are those of friendship.
- Rule #8 - If one of the players starts a relationship with someone else, the "FF" dynamic should be immediately terminated, without any pressure from either side. This is where Rule #7 saves the "FFs" because they can go back to just remaining Friends without the Fuck!
- Rule #9 - Confidentiality! Establish an agreement on whether the "FF" relationship will be open or private.
- Rule #10 - And the most important rule... Is to PLAY SAFE PEOPLE!!!!
I'm sorry, but this was too funny not to post. Here I am looking up any chance for a fuck friend finder site, and I fiinformative guess it's a start, and a rather imformative one as well.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Heaven's Music on Earth
I just got back from the Ryman. Why was I at such a historic place as far as music goes?
That's why! Yup, I went to none other than Jason Mraz himself.
The title of this entry should say it all to you.
I was in heaven. Music and talent that I feel bless to actually see and hear live, despite all the drunks and hoochies. I am for real on this one! If Heaven has background music playing, I want what I heard tonight to be playing for me.
What blew me away was how unified the artists were. Opening acts and headliners were non-existent. Everyone performing was equal to each other, and everyone was great. Makana has such a beautiful voice to match his youthful face. If I had gotten into sports and had a fast metabolism, I could have looked like him, I swear. A hot Hawaiian and a beautiful singer. I'm in love! The one guy that really blew me away every-freaking-time was a very talented man named Raul Midon. He was able to make an acoustic guitar sound like a three piece band! On top of that, he used his own voice to mimic the sound of a trumpet to a fault! And on top of all that, the man is blind!! A very talented man whom I hope goes a long way in the music industry.
Jason Mraz himself was excellent. He was everything he was on the live CD I got my sister for Christmas. He was funny, goofy, sweet, loving, caring, and above all else, a great and talented performer. His version of The Rainbow Connection was so beautiful, it made me cry. He even wrote a love song for the guys as well as performed a song meant for his sister's wedding, but unfortunately wasn't performed at the reception. His on-the-spot ad-libing still amazes me.
Like I said, everyone on the program were treated like equals, and this could be no farther from the truth than the songs they did as a group. Each one was so magical and so beautiful, words cannot describe it. Every last song they sang together I wish I had a copy of. Every song they say together I wish I could relive all over again. My personal favorite was a song Jason Mraz described as "a song that has a little bit of this and a little bit of that to make a big picture." Dare I say it was a song so beautiful, it had to be the song of world peace. Hearing it made me feel so secure in who I am and what I am. I just wish I had someone to cuddle with during that song like all the couples to my right.
After the show, we bolted straight to the tour merchandise table. I spent $20 on a trucker hat that reads "Curbside Prophet" and a wrist band. (What? My watch broke off, and my left wrist was feeling naked!) My sister got a poster for mom and a T-shirt which surprisingly fits her small frame.
If I may have a moment to rant (like I haven't done that already on my blog), I want to say just one thing about tonight.
This is how a concert should be. It should be entertaining. It should be fun. It should be very much about the music and not about the performance. If more concerts in popular music were like this, I would love to attend them all. This is how music should be presented in concerts. Not some flashy pyro show with stadium size stages and dance moves that would make strippers jealous. It should be just about the music, the person playing the music, and the fan who loves the music that is playing.
This was the perfect concert. End of discussion.
That's why! Yup, I went to none other than Jason Mraz himself.
The title of this entry should say it all to you.
I was in heaven. Music and talent that I feel bless to actually see and hear live, despite all the drunks and hoochies. I am for real on this one! If Heaven has background music playing, I want what I heard tonight to be playing for me.
What blew me away was how unified the artists were. Opening acts and headliners were non-existent. Everyone performing was equal to each other, and everyone was great. Makana has such a beautiful voice to match his youthful face. If I had gotten into sports and had a fast metabolism, I could have looked like him, I swear. A hot Hawaiian and a beautiful singer. I'm in love! The one guy that really blew me away every-freaking-time was a very talented man named Raul Midon. He was able to make an acoustic guitar sound like a three piece band! On top of that, he used his own voice to mimic the sound of a trumpet to a fault! And on top of all that, the man is blind!! A very talented man whom I hope goes a long way in the music industry.
Jason Mraz himself was excellent. He was everything he was on the live CD I got my sister for Christmas. He was funny, goofy, sweet, loving, caring, and above all else, a great and talented performer. His version of The Rainbow Connection was so beautiful, it made me cry. He even wrote a love song for the guys as well as performed a song meant for his sister's wedding, but unfortunately wasn't performed at the reception. His on-the-spot ad-libing still amazes me.
Like I said, everyone on the program were treated like equals, and this could be no farther from the truth than the songs they did as a group. Each one was so magical and so beautiful, words cannot describe it. Every last song they sang together I wish I had a copy of. Every song they say together I wish I could relive all over again. My personal favorite was a song Jason Mraz described as "a song that has a little bit of this and a little bit of that to make a big picture." Dare I say it was a song so beautiful, it had to be the song of world peace. Hearing it made me feel so secure in who I am and what I am. I just wish I had someone to cuddle with during that song like all the couples to my right.
After the show, we bolted straight to the tour merchandise table. I spent $20 on a trucker hat that reads "Curbside Prophet" and a wrist band. (What? My watch broke off, and my left wrist was feeling naked!) My sister got a poster for mom and a T-shirt which surprisingly fits her small frame.
If I may have a moment to rant (like I haven't done that already on my blog), I want to say just one thing about tonight.
This is how a concert should be. It should be entertaining. It should be fun. It should be very much about the music and not about the performance. If more concerts in popular music were like this, I would love to attend them all. This is how music should be presented in concerts. Not some flashy pyro show with stadium size stages and dance moves that would make strippers jealous. It should be just about the music, the person playing the music, and the fan who loves the music that is playing.
This was the perfect concert. End of discussion.
