Is it recess yet?

It's that time of year again.

Orientation. First day jitters. The excitement of seeing friends you haven't seen all summer long. The fear of not being able to get through the day for one reason or another. The strange first impressions from people you may or may not have heard about.

But for me? It's round two in my graduating class. A new group of peers to, silently it would seem, compete with and learn from. A new teacher to oversee the creative process.

What do I have to show for it going in? Shattered preparation and abandoned summer projects. Second thoughts on ideas that came out of stress and panic. Not even one epiphany in the last three months I've been out of the studio. Just a collection of 230 (and grown) creatures I've thrown together in the starter kit for a god game coming this September that will, no doubt, be my ultimate distraction.

What will I be doing in preparation for the class? Some time this week, I'll be biting the bullet and making a sales appointment at the Apple Store so I can buy the best iBook for me and what I want to do. That's pretty much it. After securing that purchase, it's all a matter of find my old equipment from Time Base Media.

What should I have been doing? Oh, where to begin this long list! Driving and transportation has been moved to the front burners, so I'll be hearing a lot of that in the coming months. The abandoned Muppet project, which I'm still looking at with second guesses luring in the back of my mind on if it was a good idea or not. The lack of thesis adjustments, or for that matter continuing the research I already started. Entries into juried shows. Registrations with art sites that help exhibit new artists. And so on and so on and down the line we go like a bottle in a soda factory.

What have I done? Spend about one paycheck on entertainment, another on fast food, and yet another paying off the monthly fees on my outstanding loans. Not including the hours of violent masturbation watching porn in between playing video games which feature tools that amplify my creativity rather than my creative thinking.

Can I relate these things to art? There is a way, but I'm blind to it right now. Hell, I don't even remember what my original thesis was. All I know is that my current one involves the idea of self-created avatars in a culture heavily influenced by popular media.

Needless to say and as dangerous as it is to admit this, I'd rather be doing other things than thinking about my thesis and producing gallery worthy art.