"You're in one of your moods again..."

I haven't done this in a while, but that is because I'm trying to stop. I guess I can't.

I just sat there trying to play one of my Pokemon games (one of the older ones, I might add) when I started to reflect again. It's Friday. The Friday of Spring Break. I'm 21 and a single gay male. I should be out partying, getting drunk, getting laid. I should be doing something other than what I am doing.

But I'm not.

I'm not social. People scare me. Asking people a question I have no objection towards, but hanging out with total strangers takes a long time for me to grow comfortable with. I want what other people have, but I know I can't have it.

So, here I am, sitting in front of the computer trying to get my depression out on words while listening to The Blues Brothers. Something I haven't done in months. Complaining about how my life sucks, how I haven't been laid in I-don't-know-how-long-anymore. You know, the boring stuff. It's a wonder why I changed formats to an even more boring blog.

I, technically, don't have a life worth writing about. I probably came to that realization a few weeks into the whole news and trivia angle, but I wouldn't know. I'm too lazy and depressed to search back how far it has been since I started doing this.

When was the last time I was happy? When things actually went my way. When was that? Before life started throwing problems at me. Can I be more specific? Yes, but what good would that do? I discovered in sculpture that my problems in life come out in art and vice versa. When something I didn't see comes along, I get frustrated and depressed and have a hard time seeing the light at the end of that very long and dark tunnel. The only difference is that I can experiment in art and not in life. In my classes, I have the support of my teachers and the grades of encouragement they give me. I don't really have anyone like that following me around saying that I get a score of 80 out of 100 for handling a social situation given my skill level. I don't really have anyone I can turn to for advice as to how to tackle a problem or even help me with it.

I need a life teacher.