Why?

I see people all around me with some kind of love in their life. A person, a passion, a light of joy that makes me turn away. I turn away because I know that I'll just keep staring at them in a very odd and offensive way. I'll just be very intrusive if I do.

A lot of thoughts are flying through my head. All of them in the form of a question that I know has no answer. At least no answer that I can come up with.

Why is it that I have dreams that feel so real? Why are those dreams always involving death, either my own or someone else's? Why do all the sex dreams feature things and events I wish could happen but I know realistically they never will?

Why do I am so tired with reality? Why, even now, do I feel like falling asleep in the dark room instead of doing my work? Why do I feel like I cannot do several important things by myself? Why do I feel like I know I lack a responsibility level others say I already have and display rather well? Why can't I see my own potential when others clearly can?

Why do I constantly day dream? Why do all my day dreams involve events that I fear will actually happen? Why do I imagine myself in a rut instead of a happy place the majority of the time? Why is it so hard for me to just imagine my ideal guy now when it was so easy before?

Why do I ask these questions?

I don't know.