Swim Away!

Insecurity is mounting as of late. It's hard to believe, but I'm back to where I was the last time around. Only this time, the panic is self-produced. I keep telling myself that it's no big deal. After all, I've done this before. But even that isn't helping me. I can see my mistakes before I make them, and trying to fix them is like trying to patch a pair of perfectly fine jeans before they get worn down. In one respect, it's nice to have those patches on the inside where the knees are suppose to line up at. But the majority of the time, you're asking yourself why those patches are even there in the first place.

Either way, I'm at a point now where not only do I have to face my fears all over again, but I have to do so with some kind of acknowledgement of my mistakes from the last round. But it doesn't look like I learned much other than what not to do. From where I stand, everything is exactly how it was the last time. And in a week's time, the rest of the world will also see that. It doesn't matter how many drafts and revisions I turn over and show; the fact still remains that I am back to where I was with the only difference being that I actually have something to show instead of an intangible idea nobody understands or is interested in.

If only I could live more carefree and not be so scared of living life...