Another Vice, Another Night of Sexual Frustration

It's bad enough that one of the porn blogs I follow had a video featuring well-built college frat boys wrestling in the nude. But even without that, the athletes I've been seeing on my sister's campus (We're here for her birthday as well as deliver presents from her boyfriend.) have just been making me very insecure.

I worked on my Warrior avatar last night, which features a frontal image of an underwear model whose torso I cut out and pasted my head on top of. I even went out of the way to match skin tones, something I haven't done since my pirate days. And as disproportionate the image is, I couldn't help but wonder how my sex life would be if I actually looked like that.

Supposedly your metabolism slows down around my age. Then again, they say a lot of things become stagnated at my age, but who really knows when you have thirty year olds that look like they are no older than 24 (JASON!). It may no be impossible for me to look as hot as a 18-year-old porn model in the twink genre, but it will increasingly difficult to get and maintain that look long enough to perform the contemporary gay mating ritual our culture calls dating.

My parents are now watching a replay of a college football game, and naturally they are showing fitness equipment ads during the commercial breaks. Knowing that some of those attractive athletes are somewhat real and not the result of set lighting and photo tricks is just making me... well, if anything, it is making me realize how little of a sex life I have. The only thing I have going for me is my porn viewing.

I like athletes, but I hate watching sports. It just makes me and my pants uncomfortable.