Monday, March 24, 2003
I have got to find a better way to sleep. For some reason, I keep injuring myself whenever I sleep. I think I move in my sleep when I dream or something. Either that, or my bed has lost its fluff. Oh well, it's nothing that's bad. Just the minor cramps that are caused by sleeping weird.
Speacking of weird, I got to talk to last night possibly the smartest 13-year-old I have ever had the pleasure to come across. And, man, did I burn. The guy is just too smart for me! Way too smart. He-makes-me-feel-dumb smart, you know? And James wants me to help him be a normal boy because I was able to get along so well with Sam and Bill?? Because I'm so good with kids? What is he talking about?! He's the one that's making all the balloon animals! I just play Pokemon. I don't know, maybe because I play a game with a target audiance of 6+ years old (I'm not kidding! Look at the appropriate age range on any description of Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire!) I have some kind of advantage. Or maybe it's because I like Disney so much that I feel a few years younger whenever I step in the park or watch their movies.
Maybe I can do a better job in person.
Speacking of weird, I got to talk to last night possibly the smartest 13-year-old I have ever had the pleasure to come across. And, man, did I burn. The guy is just too smart for me! Way too smart. He-makes-me-feel-dumb smart, you know? And James wants me to help him be a normal boy because I was able to get along so well with Sam and Bill?? Because I'm so good with kids? What is he talking about?! He's the one that's making all the balloon animals! I just play Pokemon. I don't know, maybe because I play a game with a target audiance of 6+ years old (I'm not kidding! Look at the appropriate age range on any description of Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire!) I have some kind of advantage. Or maybe it's because I like Disney so much that I feel a few years younger whenever I step in the park or watch their movies.
Maybe I can do a better job in person.
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Today was a nice trip down memory lane. A psudo-escape. Why? Cause I went to OpryMills (or, as my sister calls it, ShOpryland)!
Seeing how it's been ages since we last went, I went around the different parts to see what's still around and what left and what relocated. Not much has changed.
For old time sakes, I went to Jillian's and dropped five bucks into their game machines. Now, my once empty card has 120 points left. After playing DDR and not getting any kind of crowd, I walked back to the food court. On the way, I did some math. Well, what I was trying to figure out was how much I got ripped off. Hey, I know Jillian's Game Room is nothing but a big rip off! But, damn, they got great foot traffic. So in my mind, I found out that since every dollar I used gave me 600 game points, that would mean for every penny I would get about 6 point. Having 120 points left, that would mean that I would have really 20 cents since I would have to divide the 120 by 6 to find out how much money I would have left. So, since I dropped five bucks in, I technically spent the equivalent to $4.80 at their arcade. I only played DDR three times, since the max I could play it was three times on five bucks. So divided that up and the game was worth $1.60 a pop!! The one at Tilt is only 75 cents a play! To make sure my math was right, I multiplied the amount spent per play by 6 since that is the number of game points per penny. The number ended up being 960, the number of points you need to have on your card to play! And the idiot behind the counter said that there is no way to find out how much how many points I can get from change.
Problem: 5.00-x=y/3=z
Check: z*a=b*100=960
Given: 120/a=d*0.01=x; a=600/100
120/6=20*0.01=0.20=x
5.00-0.20=4.80/3=1.60=z
1.60*6=9.60*100=960
So, even though I was grilling my brain with that lovely equation, I was bored when I arrived at the food court an hour before I was suppose to. So, being bored, I decided to people watch. Hey, it's an interesting past time of mine. So I watched and observed what was going on around me.
Apparently someone was recording a demo on the Make-your-own-CD booth. How could I tell? Well, the guy that was with the lady was very well dressed and was always on his cell.
Kiosk workers but have the most boring job. The one at the Zoomcopters (a boomerange-like helicopter that you lauch from a pull-string launcher) was so bored that he let passing kids try their hand making the toys come back around. The one selling New York style sunglasses was checking for zits one moment and then playing a GBA game the next! Both had looks of boredom that were screaming that they want to just go home.
A bunch of teenie boppers apparently decided to make the Centripicle Force Coin Well (you know the kind, the one where they ask what coin rolls faster down the well to make you drop your loose change into it?) a meeting place. I have never seen such a collection of pink tops, pastel-colored shopping bags, and hot air in one location since the Balloon Fair in Oregon. For those of you that don't know what I"m talking about, it's kind of like a fair with food, cheap goods, and hot-air balloons.
Three Asian girls walked by, two in hats. All three could look like my sister.
When I was about to fall asleep, my chair was kicked by my sister who was out looking for a prom date with her friend. While she was talking about how she failed in her quest, the Kiosk guy at the sunglasses stand took a break for lunch. He walked by our table we were sitting at and nodded at me! Not my cute-as-a-button sister. Me! What was that about? Now, I'm not complaining. They guy was cute in that tall and lankey prep kind of way. I'm just surprized that it happened. As my sister's conversation with me went on, she became distracted with the fact that the guy sat at the table next to us and had steak fries. I think it was more the steak fries, because my sister wanted to go over there and mooch some off. Oddly enough, the guy was looking our way every so often. Interesting, huh?
However, that didn't make my day. You want to know what made it? Well, Monday I wrote and submitted an article about the Adventure Generator that Neopets has up. I got into this weeks issue by Wednesday. What made my day is that when the issue went public, my article was on the front page of the Neopian Times. Who knew I was front page material?
Seeing how it's been ages since we last went, I went around the different parts to see what's still around and what left and what relocated. Not much has changed.
For old time sakes, I went to Jillian's and dropped five bucks into their game machines. Now, my once empty card has 120 points left. After playing DDR and not getting any kind of crowd, I walked back to the food court. On the way, I did some math. Well, what I was trying to figure out was how much I got ripped off. Hey, I know Jillian's Game Room is nothing but a big rip off! But, damn, they got great foot traffic. So in my mind, I found out that since every dollar I used gave me 600 game points, that would mean for every penny I would get about 6 point. Having 120 points left, that would mean that I would have really 20 cents since I would have to divide the 120 by 6 to find out how much money I would have left. So, since I dropped five bucks in, I technically spent the equivalent to $4.80 at their arcade. I only played DDR three times, since the max I could play it was three times on five bucks. So divided that up and the game was worth $1.60 a pop!! The one at Tilt is only 75 cents a play! To make sure my math was right, I multiplied the amount spent per play by 6 since that is the number of game points per penny. The number ended up being 960, the number of points you need to have on your card to play! And the idiot behind the counter said that there is no way to find out how much how many points I can get from change.
Problem: 5.00-x=y/3=z
Check: z*a=b*100=960
Given: 120/a=d*0.01=x; a=600/100
120/6=20*0.01=0.20=x
5.00-0.20=4.80/3=1.60=z
1.60*6=9.60*100=960
So, even though I was grilling my brain with that lovely equation, I was bored when I arrived at the food court an hour before I was suppose to. So, being bored, I decided to people watch. Hey, it's an interesting past time of mine. So I watched and observed what was going on around me.
Apparently someone was recording a demo on the Make-your-own-CD booth. How could I tell? Well, the guy that was with the lady was very well dressed and was always on his cell.
Kiosk workers but have the most boring job. The one at the Zoomcopters (a boomerange-like helicopter that you lauch from a pull-string launcher) was so bored that he let passing kids try their hand making the toys come back around. The one selling New York style sunglasses was checking for zits one moment and then playing a GBA game the next! Both had looks of boredom that were screaming that they want to just go home.
A bunch of teenie boppers apparently decided to make the Centripicle Force Coin Well (you know the kind, the one where they ask what coin rolls faster down the well to make you drop your loose change into it?) a meeting place. I have never seen such a collection of pink tops, pastel-colored shopping bags, and hot air in one location since the Balloon Fair in Oregon. For those of you that don't know what I"m talking about, it's kind of like a fair with food, cheap goods, and hot-air balloons.
Three Asian girls walked by, two in hats. All three could look like my sister.
When I was about to fall asleep, my chair was kicked by my sister who was out looking for a prom date with her friend. While she was talking about how she failed in her quest, the Kiosk guy at the sunglasses stand took a break for lunch. He walked by our table we were sitting at and nodded at me! Not my cute-as-a-button sister. Me! What was that about? Now, I'm not complaining. They guy was cute in that tall and lankey prep kind of way. I'm just surprized that it happened. As my sister's conversation with me went on, she became distracted with the fact that the guy sat at the table next to us and had steak fries. I think it was more the steak fries, because my sister wanted to go over there and mooch some off. Oddly enough, the guy was looking our way every so often. Interesting, huh?
However, that didn't make my day. You want to know what made it? Well, Monday I wrote and submitted an article about the Adventure Generator that Neopets has up. I got into this weeks issue by Wednesday. What made my day is that when the issue went public, my article was on the front page of the Neopian Times. Who knew I was front page material?
Saturday, March 22, 2003
Okay, life update.
For some stupid reason, this war is like a car wreck. I can't take my eyes off it! Why? How the hell should I know!? All I want is for it to end.
It turns out that James's new love interest was a compleate butthead. Accroding to "the moose" himself, he left the butthead with barely any words to get him to stay. In short, nothing happened. God still loves me, I see. Okay, God loves everyone, but that's not the point. I feel good at the fact that I still have a shot with James when I meet him.
Speeking of meeting James, I really can't wait till I get out of here and over there. Dan said that he'd give me a date soon so I can start packing up my stuff and get ready to head out. I'm only bringing my duffle bag. While it may be big, it's the only thing I have that will fit most of my clothes.... although I have this odd feeling like I'm going to end up getting a new set of clothes when I get there. In any event, with my current taste in fashion that it is, it would be a welcome change even if all the guys did was hand me whatever it was they don't wear anymore.
All and all, I just want to get over there and away from here!
Mom and Dad are still on my butt as usual about admissions. I really didn't want to talk to the Finacial Aids lady, but they did. In their mind, I bet they are thinking that she's head of admissions or something like that. I really wish I could tell them that now is not the time given what is going on, but my "other life" is something that I can't talk to them about. It's not that it's not allowed. It's just really hard to tell them these things I blog about without them acting like they don't give a fuck or if they even have a clue as to what I mean. All they care about is me getting into college. All I want to do is meet up with the guys, my first really close friends in a long time.
I'm so hard-headed it's not funny. A true Aries Ram if there ever was one. A major butt-head.
On the pluse side, whenever I have something I want so badly I can't think of anything else but it, I don't let up until I know I am defeated. Oh wait, that's a bad thing, isn't it?
I don't know. I just wish my parents were easier to talk to instead of feeling so distant. I also wish they would just quit pushing me like their constant annoying will work on me. I want to do things on my own time and do what I want to do with my own priorities set my own way. Priority number one right now is the guys and hopefully getting up there.
My birthday is about 9 days away. Maybe if I'm lucky, I will be able to celebrate it with my friends that know me better than I know myself than with a family that barely knows my diet and thinks all I do is play video games all day.
For some stupid reason, this war is like a car wreck. I can't take my eyes off it! Why? How the hell should I know!? All I want is for it to end.
It turns out that James's new love interest was a compleate butthead. Accroding to "the moose" himself, he left the butthead with barely any words to get him to stay. In short, nothing happened. God still loves me, I see. Okay, God loves everyone, but that's not the point. I feel good at the fact that I still have a shot with James when I meet him.
Speeking of meeting James, I really can't wait till I get out of here and over there. Dan said that he'd give me a date soon so I can start packing up my stuff and get ready to head out. I'm only bringing my duffle bag. While it may be big, it's the only thing I have that will fit most of my clothes.... although I have this odd feeling like I'm going to end up getting a new set of clothes when I get there. In any event, with my current taste in fashion that it is, it would be a welcome change even if all the guys did was hand me whatever it was they don't wear anymore.
All and all, I just want to get over there and away from here!
Mom and Dad are still on my butt as usual about admissions. I really didn't want to talk to the Finacial Aids lady, but they did. In their mind, I bet they are thinking that she's head of admissions or something like that. I really wish I could tell them that now is not the time given what is going on, but my "other life" is something that I can't talk to them about. It's not that it's not allowed. It's just really hard to tell them these things I blog about without them acting like they don't give a fuck or if they even have a clue as to what I mean. All they care about is me getting into college. All I want to do is meet up with the guys, my first really close friends in a long time.
I'm so hard-headed it's not funny. A true Aries Ram if there ever was one. A major butt-head.
On the pluse side, whenever I have something I want so badly I can't think of anything else but it, I don't let up until I know I am defeated. Oh wait, that's a bad thing, isn't it?
I don't know. I just wish my parents were easier to talk to instead of feeling so distant. I also wish they would just quit pushing me like their constant annoying will work on me. I want to do things on my own time and do what I want to do with my own priorities set my own way. Priority number one right now is the guys and hopefully getting up there.
My birthday is about 9 days away. Maybe if I'm lucky, I will be able to celebrate it with my friends that know me better than I know myself than with a family that barely knows my diet and thinks all I do is play video games all day.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
I haven't really blogged anything long as of late, and since my emotions are in a bit of a spin cycle, I might as well.
It looks like war is upon us. I don't like wars. I don't really care much for fighting anyways. Call me a wuss. Call me weak. Call be whatever you want. I just feel there are other ways to deal with things other than going at it with fists balled and guns a-blazing. I will say this, however. If this is the only option left, so be it. I don't like not having a choice, but even one option is better than none.
Still, my biggest fear is that the draft will be reinstated. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, I'm as good as dead. Sure, there is that chance that I'll end up failing the physical or even the pyschological tests, but if things get desprate? I can't fight! It would take a long time for me to even get into fighting shape with army training or whatever.
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I'm weak. So what? There isn't anything bad about being weak....
... is there?
Now that I got all this war talk out of my system, there's another matter that's bothering me just as much. James.
I really screwed things up with him. I know I did. I'm so maniplative. What ended up happening (because I'm not sure if I blogged it or not) is that Bill got inside my head. Andrew's relationship didn't work out, and he was taking it really hard. Like the good friend I am, I was there and will continue to always be there for him whenever he needs someone to cry on. Bill thought, in his good nature, that maybe he and I should be boyfriends again. It almost worked. I say almost because one night Andrew called me and cleared things up. He help me see that my heart is with someone else. James. He said that he and I would be buddies for life, which is really cool in my book. I finally have a really nice life long friend, and I couldn't have such a better guy than Andrew. He also said that he'd help me out any way he can. Knowing him, that means alot! So how did he help me? He told me to go ahead and contact James right away. I did so and got to talk to him the following day. The thing is, it went sour fast. James appears to have a new interest. Knowing my luck, it someone perfect. Someone I can't compeate with. But that's not what's bothering me about James. He said something to me that made me confuse and rethink what I've been told. He said that neither one of us was commited to each other ever. He said that he could look around just like how I can. Yeah, right, in this city? I have about as much chance of finding my type here as I do as finding a car on my own that I like and want to drive. He is in Gay Mecca, and has a luxury that I don't. Envy boiled to the surface, and i just totally blew him off. Wrong thing to do, Zeek. Still, how could he say that?! He was never commited to me, but he sure acted like he was. Dan says that he has all my pictures in his room. Kevin let me in on a secret about a little nickname he's given me. Andrew also said that he really loves be, but doesn't want to say it! He had Bill hack into James's laptop only to find him looking at pictures of me! ME!! If he was never commited to me, he sure was obcessed with me. So how could he just stop? I know the answer to that. I messed up going to Andrew after Bill's brainwashing. I hurt him more than I will ever know, and the way he's dealing with it is that he's going off to meet up with another cute face that he can, this time, meet in person.
I suck at the game of love. Whoever wrote the book of love, I need the cliff-notes.... BADLY!
Remember how a few weeks ago I walked to the mall and met this really cool guy named Josh and how I gave him my number? Well, I wasn't expecting him to call, and I was right. So why do I bring him up? Well, I was hoping that maybe I could just hang out with him or something. Do whatever he wants to do. I mean, it would be a hell of a lot better than what I have going for me right now. A nice little escape.
So what do I have going for me right now? Well, I still have everyone breathing down my neck about applying for college. I still don't want to do that just yet. I have alot bigger fish to fry right now. Still, with all the recent developments going on in my "other life," maybe I should. I want something better than what I have going for me right now. If I have nothing once again, what do I have to lose applying to Watkins? About $35? So? I've lost more than that before. It's called mindless spending and quarter-dropping into DDR. I really have nothing to lose. Actually, I never had anything to lose to begin with.
I hate when I get this way. Ranty and dark. Depressed and stupid. It's because I can't cope. I want that shoulder to cry on. That buddy to put his arm around me and make sure I'm okay.
Oddly enough, I need Andrew now just like he needed me. I need him to help me get my mind off of things just like how I can help him get his mind off of all the bad things in his life.
But I still want my muscle boy James. I want him with all my heart.
I want alot of things. Most of which I'll never get. I'm better off not getting my hopes all that high. I'm better off nothing thinking that I can do anything I want and can get anything I want if I only believe. I've done that before, and it's gotten me nowhere.
I need a way to let go. I need a way to just cut loose from all this. I need a way to be me again. I need a way to find who I am. I need to enjoy life again instead of hating it.
I need help no one can really give me.
It looks like war is upon us. I don't like wars. I don't really care much for fighting anyways. Call me a wuss. Call me weak. Call be whatever you want. I just feel there are other ways to deal with things other than going at it with fists balled and guns a-blazing. I will say this, however. If this is the only option left, so be it. I don't like not having a choice, but even one option is better than none.
Still, my biggest fear is that the draft will be reinstated. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, I'm as good as dead. Sure, there is that chance that I'll end up failing the physical or even the pyschological tests, but if things get desprate? I can't fight! It would take a long time for me to even get into fighting shape with army training or whatever.
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I'm weak. So what? There isn't anything bad about being weak....
... is there?
Now that I got all this war talk out of my system, there's another matter that's bothering me just as much. James.
I really screwed things up with him. I know I did. I'm so maniplative. What ended up happening (because I'm not sure if I blogged it or not) is that Bill got inside my head. Andrew's relationship didn't work out, and he was taking it really hard. Like the good friend I am, I was there and will continue to always be there for him whenever he needs someone to cry on. Bill thought, in his good nature, that maybe he and I should be boyfriends again. It almost worked. I say almost because one night Andrew called me and cleared things up. He help me see that my heart is with someone else. James. He said that he and I would be buddies for life, which is really cool in my book. I finally have a really nice life long friend, and I couldn't have such a better guy than Andrew. He also said that he'd help me out any way he can. Knowing him, that means alot! So how did he help me? He told me to go ahead and contact James right away. I did so and got to talk to him the following day. The thing is, it went sour fast. James appears to have a new interest. Knowing my luck, it someone perfect. Someone I can't compeate with. But that's not what's bothering me about James. He said something to me that made me confuse and rethink what I've been told. He said that neither one of us was commited to each other ever. He said that he could look around just like how I can. Yeah, right, in this city? I have about as much chance of finding my type here as I do as finding a car on my own that I like and want to drive. He is in Gay Mecca, and has a luxury that I don't. Envy boiled to the surface, and i just totally blew him off. Wrong thing to do, Zeek. Still, how could he say that?! He was never commited to me, but he sure acted like he was. Dan says that he has all my pictures in his room. Kevin let me in on a secret about a little nickname he's given me. Andrew also said that he really loves be, but doesn't want to say it! He had Bill hack into James's laptop only to find him looking at pictures of me! ME!! If he was never commited to me, he sure was obcessed with me. So how could he just stop? I know the answer to that. I messed up going to Andrew after Bill's brainwashing. I hurt him more than I will ever know, and the way he's dealing with it is that he's going off to meet up with another cute face that he can, this time, meet in person.
I suck at the game of love. Whoever wrote the book of love, I need the cliff-notes.... BADLY!
Remember how a few weeks ago I walked to the mall and met this really cool guy named Josh and how I gave him my number? Well, I wasn't expecting him to call, and I was right. So why do I bring him up? Well, I was hoping that maybe I could just hang out with him or something. Do whatever he wants to do. I mean, it would be a hell of a lot better than what I have going for me right now. A nice little escape.
So what do I have going for me right now? Well, I still have everyone breathing down my neck about applying for college. I still don't want to do that just yet. I have alot bigger fish to fry right now. Still, with all the recent developments going on in my "other life," maybe I should. I want something better than what I have going for me right now. If I have nothing once again, what do I have to lose applying to Watkins? About $35? So? I've lost more than that before. It's called mindless spending and quarter-dropping into DDR. I really have nothing to lose. Actually, I never had anything to lose to begin with.
I hate when I get this way. Ranty and dark. Depressed and stupid. It's because I can't cope. I want that shoulder to cry on. That buddy to put his arm around me and make sure I'm okay.
Oddly enough, I need Andrew now just like he needed me. I need him to help me get my mind off of things just like how I can help him get his mind off of all the bad things in his life.
But I still want my muscle boy James. I want him with all my heart.
I want alot of things. Most of which I'll never get. I'm better off not getting my hopes all that high. I'm better off nothing thinking that I can do anything I want and can get anything I want if I only believe. I've done that before, and it's gotten me nowhere.
I need a way to let go. I need a way to just cut loose from all this. I need a way to be me again. I need a way to find who I am. I need to enjoy life again instead of hating it.
I need help no one can really give me.
Monday, March 17, 2003
I had my first ever movie-moment-in-real-life moment.
We went out to dinner. The reason was to trap me, really, to do something I don't want to, but no one got around to doing that. The reason was the TVs were all on CNN. War talk and nothing but. Then the President came on. A silance filled the entire resturant that scared me. The President began to talk and adress the Iraqi people about Sadam and all the other stuff that has been recently going on. It was hard to eat for those long moments. Not because the speach was the main distraction. It was because of the fact that this could be it. This time, it's going to hit home with me. The last Bush and the last war didn't really click. Hell, I didn't even know what was going on at the time! Now I do.
And now I'm scared for my life.
We went out to dinner. The reason was to trap me, really, to do something I don't want to, but no one got around to doing that. The reason was the TVs were all on CNN. War talk and nothing but. Then the President came on. A silance filled the entire resturant that scared me. The President began to talk and adress the Iraqi people about Sadam and all the other stuff that has been recently going on. It was hard to eat for those long moments. Not because the speach was the main distraction. It was because of the fact that this could be it. This time, it's going to hit home with me. The last Bush and the last war didn't really click. Hell, I didn't even know what was going on at the time! Now I do.
And now I'm scared for my life.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
Well, after three days of toying with Neopets Adventure Generator, I have created The Mole: Neopia. It was a crazy idea I had. It turns out that all my hard work is paying off. Everyone that plays the game loves it! One person even said that I practically mimiced the show. The funny thing about that is the fact that I've only watched once season of the show!
Still, I feel rather special right now. When the Adventure Spotlight comes out, I'm definately entering.
Still, I feel rather special right now. When the Adventure Spotlight comes out, I'm definately entering.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
You know those Choose-you-own-adventure books that you used to read when you were a child? You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind where you'd have to flip to page 48 if you wanted to know what would happen if this happened or flip to page 55 to take the other path. Well, Neopets has created a game based off of that where you can not only create your own adventure, you can play ones that others created. And strangely enough, I'm rather addicted to it.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
"I will now ask a question that will forever change your life. The question is not 'Are you or are you not going to apply to Watkins School of Art and Design?' No, this question is much easier than that and will answer that and any other question you will have after you answer it. The question is 'Are you passionate, dedicated, do you want to be an artist?'"
Uh, yeah! I've known it my whole life? I look at the world in a different way than most do. I see art in the strangest places. I'm even convinced that I may have discovered a new art form! And this guy, the President of Admissions, is asking me if I'm passionate?!
In case you are wondering, I went to their open house at Watkins more so to get a confirmation on something rather than to take a tour. I got what I wanted to find out rather readily when I asked. I have a feeling that I've made the right choice this time in picking this college to do my art. I actually did something right it seems.
Now if only my mom didn't talk to the damn Finacial Aids woman. I knew that if she talked to her, my mom would be pushing me towards signing up like... oh, NOW!
News flash Mom, I don't want to sign up just yet. I think I may have a chance to save something I lost that's more important than school right now.
Uh, yeah! I've known it my whole life? I look at the world in a different way than most do. I see art in the strangest places. I'm even convinced that I may have discovered a new art form! And this guy, the President of Admissions, is asking me if I'm passionate?!
In case you are wondering, I went to their open house at Watkins more so to get a confirmation on something rather than to take a tour. I got what I wanted to find out rather readily when I asked. I have a feeling that I've made the right choice this time in picking this college to do my art. I actually did something right it seems.
Now if only my mom didn't talk to the damn Finacial Aids woman. I knew that if she talked to her, my mom would be pushing me towards signing up like... oh, NOW!
News flash Mom, I don't want to sign up just yet. I think I may have a chance to save something I lost that's more important than school right now.
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Today was a semi-good day for a walk.
For some reason, I walked to the mall. Two hours of dodging interstate on- and off-ramp traffic among other things. Once there, I made a bee-line to Tilt, the only place with decent AC. There was a new DDR crew over there now. Ken and Holly are no longer there, but I met someone that was just a little bit cooler and really laid back. His name is Josh. That makes two that I've had the pleasure to come across. He's surprisingly very open about his life. He told me things that I wouldn't think you would tell a total stranger. It was kind of comforting and helped me easy up some. He was dressed all goth/punk with the dog collar, black shirt, baggy pants, bandanda. Blond hair, gentle features, nice voice. Too bad he's streight. He's really cool, though. He spotted me two games on DDR out of his own pocket! I tried to give his money back, but he wouldn't take it. I have this weird feeling like I owe him somehow. Who these days just hands money out to people? He said he does that because he doesn't know what will happen between now and going home and you can't take cash to the grave. I wish I had his kind of additude about life.
Just before we went our separate ways, I gave him the URL to my blog and my phone number. I told him that if he has the patiants to read all of this to learn more things about me that you probibly don't want to know. He assured me he has plenty of patients to spare. I hope he can put up with my stupidity that is apparent here.
I then just when around hitting up my normal stores in the mall. Nothing new in Suncoast, but they don't have the fourth DVD of Cowboy Bebop. EB is having a special sale where if you pre-order either Ruby or Shapphire you can get 25% off the new GameBoy Advance SP when it comes out. Toys R Us is selling Yu-Gi-Oh: Forbidden Duels for $30 for the Playstation. After that, I headed home.
Walking those seven miles (Yes, you read that right. I walked 7 miles to and back.) I saw several things that makes me wonder about this city. Some white guy laughed at me because I was walking. A van full of church youths was waving at me like they have never seen a pedestrian before! A car full of black guys were all whooping and hollering because I was able to sprint the intersection at the same speed of their car which was going only 5 miles-an-hour. And countless people cut me off as I try to cross the street because they think they have the right of way!!
So what was the reason for this? To escape. Escape from what? From all that crap that I've gone through. To get away from the other Josh I know and how I totally botched last night up. To find out if I'm even alive or if my life is dead. Okay, so that last one was a bit of an streatch, but I really wanted to know why I'm so stupid.
Josh (the one I met today) said something interesting. He likes it better to talk to people face to face than over the phone. He likes it because he can read people better and find out if they are lying and all that. I've learned that the hard way, I have to agree with him whole-heartedly. Andrew and James can't see me when I get hurt or when I realize that I did something stupid or, more importantly, when I'm happy. That's the one thing that I hate about IMing with the guys for four years. They never really saw my face. The only one that has is Dan.
When I got home, I wasn't greeted the way I was thinking I would be. It turned out that I caused a small panic. Everyone thought I ran away. If I ran away, I would have at least packed some clothes and food and stunk out at night!!! Besides, where would I run away to? And how long would I last? Really. I wish my family knew me better. Still, they have a valid reason. Only my aunt knew what I was doing. Where is another matter. Hell, I didn't even know where I was going! I just started walking and ended up at the mall!! Still, I'm glad that they didn't put my name on an Amber Alert with the cops. That would just make me wonder if they are really my parents or not.
I really need a car.
For some reason, I walked to the mall. Two hours of dodging interstate on- and off-ramp traffic among other things. Once there, I made a bee-line to Tilt, the only place with decent AC. There was a new DDR crew over there now. Ken and Holly are no longer there, but I met someone that was just a little bit cooler and really laid back. His name is Josh. That makes two that I've had the pleasure to come across. He's surprisingly very open about his life. He told me things that I wouldn't think you would tell a total stranger. It was kind of comforting and helped me easy up some. He was dressed all goth/punk with the dog collar, black shirt, baggy pants, bandanda. Blond hair, gentle features, nice voice. Too bad he's streight. He's really cool, though. He spotted me two games on DDR out of his own pocket! I tried to give his money back, but he wouldn't take it. I have this weird feeling like I owe him somehow. Who these days just hands money out to people? He said he does that because he doesn't know what will happen between now and going home and you can't take cash to the grave. I wish I had his kind of additude about life.
Just before we went our separate ways, I gave him the URL to my blog and my phone number. I told him that if he has the patiants to read all of this to learn more things about me that you probibly don't want to know. He assured me he has plenty of patients to spare. I hope he can put up with my stupidity that is apparent here.
I then just when around hitting up my normal stores in the mall. Nothing new in Suncoast, but they don't have the fourth DVD of Cowboy Bebop. EB is having a special sale where if you pre-order either Ruby or Shapphire you can get 25% off the new GameBoy Advance SP when it comes out. Toys R Us is selling Yu-Gi-Oh: Forbidden Duels for $30 for the Playstation. After that, I headed home.
Walking those seven miles (Yes, you read that right. I walked 7 miles to and back.) I saw several things that makes me wonder about this city. Some white guy laughed at me because I was walking. A van full of church youths was waving at me like they have never seen a pedestrian before! A car full of black guys were all whooping and hollering because I was able to sprint the intersection at the same speed of their car which was going only 5 miles-an-hour. And countless people cut me off as I try to cross the street because they think they have the right of way!!
So what was the reason for this? To escape. Escape from what? From all that crap that I've gone through. To get away from the other Josh I know and how I totally botched last night up. To find out if I'm even alive or if my life is dead. Okay, so that last one was a bit of an streatch, but I really wanted to know why I'm so stupid.
Josh (the one I met today) said something interesting. He likes it better to talk to people face to face than over the phone. He likes it because he can read people better and find out if they are lying and all that. I've learned that the hard way, I have to agree with him whole-heartedly. Andrew and James can't see me when I get hurt or when I realize that I did something stupid or, more importantly, when I'm happy. That's the one thing that I hate about IMing with the guys for four years. They never really saw my face. The only one that has is Dan.
When I got home, I wasn't greeted the way I was thinking I would be. It turned out that I caused a small panic. Everyone thought I ran away. If I ran away, I would have at least packed some clothes and food and stunk out at night!!! Besides, where would I run away to? And how long would I last? Really. I wish my family knew me better. Still, they have a valid reason. Only my aunt knew what I was doing. Where is another matter. Hell, I didn't even know where I was going! I just started walking and ended up at the mall!! Still, I'm glad that they didn't put my name on an Amber Alert with the cops. That would just make me wonder if they are really my parents or not.
I really need a car.
