Yesterday was the last day of classes for this semester. I start back at the theatre Monday morning. Nothing interesting happened in the grand scheme of things, except for Jack pulling me to the side on my way to class and asking about my self-evaluation for Seminar. Remember, I said that I would fail myself given what he said about how he grades the class.
In so many words and talking in so many circles, I pretty much told him the class didn't help me as much as I was told it would. I even told him about the outside help I got in preparing for the final panel, relaying questions that were answered here on my blog but never once came up in the panel. I had all the ammo ready; I was confident in myself, my piece, and the conceptual backing. Now? I'm not too sure anymore.
Jack tried to re-inflate my ego by saying that I'm smart enough to figure out a better way of execution. I told him that my intelligence isn't the issue. I know I'm smart, too smart for my own good sometimes. What I'm having doubts about now is my level of craft. I mean, the idea may be great in my head and may hit all the points I want, but apparently I'm the only one that sees it that way even when I put my audience into consideration.
I even told him about what I experienced at the Frist when they had the Masterworks show in town. About how a man approached me and asked what the big deal was and about how he didn't see why the paintings were so important. I didn't want that from my work, and since then I've produced everything with a duel intent. At the very base, I want Joe Blow to walk away liking something on an aesthetic level. I want him to leave saying "I liked how cute that character looked" or "that was very entertaining to watch." The second intent is the conceptual artistic intent. The thing I apparently suck at communicating on a visual level.
I told Jack about where I felt I fit into the whole communications bracket using two other students as my points of extreme. I told him that I felt I didn't fit into the spectrum at all. Apparently, I'm an anomaly.
I don't know where to go anymore. I've lost my sense of direction simply because of the reaction of the panel. I lost my confidence in my craft because of the realization that what confidence I had in my skills are vastly compromised by my own intelligence. Whatever idea I have will fail on the visual level.
I left Jack's office saying he would like to see 400 drawings, 100 each week, after break. Same style, same idea as what I presented for my final. We can then figure out my Senior show then, or so is his hope. I'm sitting here wondering what's the point? I'm just going to get the same reaction from the student body as I did from the panel.
5 comments:
Jon,
I don't know any of those commenting on you blog except Jason but he and I and others who are not students at Watkins have a different point of view because we are not your competitors for grades. Hopefully there are other reasons why we have different points of view as well.
Once I had students for three years (mathematics and physics) and I had some students that I liked more than others. I worried about giving them better grades so I would do a simple statistical analysis from time to time to make sure that was not happening.
The big problem that you have introduced into your artistic pursuit, you have now mentioned -- having a duel intent. That is ruining everything for you. No one, as your story points out, is going to appreciate everything. Some people just look at paintings, drawings, photographs, and the like, and their only response is whether or not it corresponds to their own interpretation of reality. They see no light behind the surface.
There has to be the idea in the head and the execution for an audience (even if that audience is an imagined one). But to ask that every idea, every execution, and every audience are all going to come together in blazing epiphanies is to ask too much.
That word spectrum caught my attention. The more common expression is "on the spectrum" and less common "along the spectrum." It made me wonder if your "into the spectrum," was a hint at something I don't yet know.
Robert
How many drawings did you end up presenting? Was it an overwhelming amount or a mere handful? As we discussed a few weeks ago, quantity makes an enormous difference in how people are going to approach your idea. Drawing the parallel to your blog, you have over five years of entries. How does that compare to someone who has five days of entries? Or five weeks? Quantity will make more evident your intentions, your process, the repetitive and obsessive nature of your "escape." It will transform the piece from a small cluster of sketches to an overwhelming installation. This is why Jack wants to see 400 drawings in January. And this is why it's imperative that you give him 1,000 drawings. When you first described your idea you were talking about hundreds of drawings covering the wall of a gallery. The idea still excites me as much as it did originally. If you were to let the panel see what you originally described to all of us here on your blog, and if you would include more adequate research on drawing theory and other artists in your thesis, they would have more to talk about, and less of the old "I don't know what to say," or "How are we supposed to approach this piece?"
Robert is totally right. You have to throw that dual intent right out the window. It is impossible to bring everyone to a common understanding. Everyone has different backgrounds, different experiences, different values, different levels of education that prohibit them from having the same point of view, especially about something like a work of art. Figure out who is your audience. Who are the people that share your experiences and values? Who are the people to whom you are addressing with your art? Are they the nerdy sci-fi gamers? Is it the skater culture? Is it specifically gay culture? Are you making work for atheletes and art collectors? Is your work for the painting community? Or the sculpting community? Is it intended to reach international audiences or are you concerned with handfuls of local people at a time? Is it for people of all age groups or are people age 14 to 20 more likely to relate to what you're showing?
The panel can tell if your work effectively addresses certain groups/cultures/etc. Don't be scared to limit your audience. If you try and please everyone you'll end up pleasing no one. It's like that old saying, "You can please some of the people all the time, and you can please all of people some of the time, but you can't please all the people all the time."
Don't throw this project out. And don't you dare screenprint whiney art making phrases on the gallery wall. There's few things worse than art about Art - especially art that complains about Art.
Stick with your idea. You love these drawings - they are your sanctuary. Persist with the notion of filling the gallery with your sanctuary. Continue with the notion of turning your imagination inside out.
Most importantly consider some of the panel's concerns and use this criticism to make your work stronger. Jack questions whether 400 drawings is enough. Give him 1000. Someone questions the drawing fundamentals from Drawing 1 class. Boost the quality of these sketches to reflect your training and skill. A few people suggested that you need to open up more and stop being a closed door. So infuse these drawings with some personal content that gives insight to your own experiences.
Some of the panel's concerns might not need to be addressed in the artwork, but in your thesis statement. Did you mention Cy Twombly in your paper? Find artists with whom your work has relevence. Other artists who share the same field. If most of your drawings are cute, then find other paintings/drawings that are in the field of "cute." Since you are going for massive quantities of drawings find other artists who do repetitive/obsessive amounts of work. You're putting these drawings up as an installation - find other artists who are doing drawing installations (painting directly on walls, drawing on walls, hanging drawings up and connecting them with string, thread, or lines drawn directly on the wall. Find artists and cite them so that Jack and Company can see that you are plugged into what you are doing, and that you aren't just blindly, uneducatedly making ignorant work. Because you ARE NOT making ignorant work. I know this. And you know this. And for the sake of your graduation we just have to make sure that THEY know this.
You can do this. I am completely confident that you can pull this off. In doing so you will prove to yourself that you're stronger than you expected, and that you have more to offer as an artist then you expected.
Don't let this keep you down. It feels devastating but you are not devastated. Let me pull you back on your feet and get you back on track.
Hey can you forward a copy of that weird Dianetics comment from yesterday? I want to post a copy of it on my blog.
Jason, I have sent this to you. Robert
Thanks Robert! I posted it on my blog for posterity. I've read it several times now and think it's hysterical. Especially considering a couple months ago I had a blog entry about Dianetics and their goofy sidewalk "Free Stress Tests."
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