Dreams of the Imaginary

I had a dream last night. And even though it involved the usual sexual repression angst as well as images from the past that were being sorted out by my subconscious (which ended up producing a very strange concept of a Gay Nudist Bar), the more memorable aspect of the dream had to go to one part that lasted not even a minute of dream time.

There was a scene, a strangely casual conversation really, involving me and a shirtless young blond whom I perceived to be none other than Bill. Not Clinton, but the one from several years back who may or may not exist. As much of a mistake this may be, I have no qualms about saying that "Bill" was said to be the youngest of the Kennedy boys (as in PRESIDENT Kennedy) from this current generation. Now the "Bill" I interacted with over the Internet was, by all accounts, a fun-loving yet rude ass of a boy who eventually began grooming himself for the White House. The "Bill" in my dream was nothing like him. If anything, he was nice, shy, and socially reserved as if he never talked to anyone normal in his life. Or at the very least outside of this social circle.

Why this part sticks out the most, even more so than the Gay Nudist Bar? I've been questioning their legitimacy for a while. At this point, all signs are pointing that they are not real. They never were real. I was just a part of Dan's elaborate plot to get his fuck on with someone who may or may not help clean up around the house if not use the house as a stepping stone to get away from whatever else that was possibly worse than they could think of. If that makes any sane sense to you as a reader.

The stupid thing is, I willingly became a part of this. Meaning, those of you reading this that are angry and should suggest I seek legal action four or five years after this has happened are just going to have to deal with this simple fact. I can't claim anything because I willingly went along with this deal knowing full well what was going on.

Anyway, since having that dream, I've been debating on seeing if AIM still has my old screen name I used to talk to them/him/whoever and contact them. Finally confronting them and telling them all this. But, truth be know, if they are real, they've forgotten about me. I don't even know how long it's been since I last contacted them, but I know that people tend to forget people whom they have no attachment to.

And I tend to be one of those forgettable people unless I leave a nice first impression on folks. That's how my managers remembered me after four months and several employee firings.