Every time this time of year, I feel horrible. I hate Valentine’s Day for various reasons. Some are really good reasons. Some are not. But this year in particular is very frustrating due to the pent up sexual frustration of the last three to four years.
Today, I cannot help but think about all the things wrong with this holiday. The fact that they imply that it is required to shower your significant other with material goods in order to solidify the intangible feeling of love. The fact that the media is saying that only beautiful people are worth the trouble of love and the gifts they bring at a time like this. And the fact that because of that I found myself finding out that Jeremy Lory guy is actually a porn star now, complete with his own website. (Apparently, I have this thing where I swoon from one porn star to another. Before this, it was with Matthew Rush.)
I was surprised that with all these frustrations I was able to even get some work done on my avatar sculpture. (Sorry, no pictures this time as the camera is MIA, and you guys deserve better than cell phone quality photos.) Maybe it is the frustration of this so-called holiday being channeled productively for once.
Anyone that knows anything about me knows that I don’t have a fondness of this time of year anyway, but that whole thing about fifth grade and the kids ripping up my rinky-dink Valentine’s Day card and box and showering me with the pieces of it while they laughed mockingly at me is pretty much trivial. At least in comparison to the general angst now towards this.
Maybe it is because I’ve been single for too damn long, never been on a date, and pretty much forgot what sex is like. Then again, I never had good sex to begin with, so maybe it’s a good thing I forgot what it is like.
2 comments:
Jon,
I've been in the haiku business today. I think the three I wrote can be related to your feelings about Valentine's Day.
First, a response to a line in a MySpace blog by Michael Smith:
"If I am not truly happy with myself, you should never be happy with me!"
Nature does not waste
because nature does not ask
if something should be.
Second, a response to an email sermon that I received (posted as a MySpace bulletin):
Spring will come again --
let your heart shout out your love --
no "what if"s today.
Third, a rather stark view of dark possibilities:
Tough touch or tender --
either is better than none --
soon enough we die.
Finally, it is a hard lesson to learn but in the end we can only give our true selves to others.
I wrote to one young guy about what he could give his significant other:
"Just be yourself -- that is enough for him."
Jon, you aren't all that bad. You just have to start thinking positive thoughts -- whether you feel like it or not.
Robert
Jon,
The title "I Loathe You" is so pessimistic and negative, it scares me away. Any chance you can balance this post with a new one that offers a more hopeful outlook? I know Valentine's Day isn't the best day for single people, but you're better than that kind of self-depreciation.
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