You kind of fell into Watkins by default. You're a fine arts major because you don't really know what else to do - also a default decision. You worked at Regal because you're parents made you and you didn't know many other places you could get hired. You only did Sunday driving lessons with me because I insisted on it and you didn't have to make any effort. You've applied to shows because it's required by your classes. You don't seem to go after things that you WANT or feel like they'll be good for you. Well no wonder you're depressed! Why would you see a doctor about that? She'll only urge you to start making aggressive choices toward personal independence.
Taken out of context, but the message and its point is still there for what I am going to be writing about.
I found myself sitting in the cafe at school thinking about this for the better part of my two hour break between classes. I then questioned what it is that I want. If something shallow and/or unrealistic came about as my answer, I immediately threw it out. I wanted to know for myself and my own self worth what it is that I truly want that would better myself.
The scary thing is I came up blank. Every time, I couldn't figure out what it is that I absolutely want that could be good for me. And by that, I mean something that I can benefit from and grow as a person as a direct result of whatever it was to be.
It's a scary thing when you sit down and think about what you want out of life only to come up with nothing.
3 comments:
Don't be discouraged. The blank that you're presently drawing is nothing to worry about. It's simply an indication that you need to get out and try some new things. It's hard to know what you want if you haven't sampled your options. The more you do, the more you'll realize what you enjoy and want to do more. Take heart, and just get out there and do stuff.
Oh - also, keep in mind that you DID figure out something that you want. You want to go on the Spain/Italy trip, and you made the effort to make that happen. That's a thing you can add to your list so the page doesn't seem so blank.
Why isn't "learning to drive" on your list? That's not superficial or unrealistic...
Suz and I got back from vacation and were catching upwith emails together and I got wild hare up my butt to check your blog for old timesakes. Lo and behold you have been blogging again! Sure sounds like you’ve been busy a lot lately. Hope the art is going well. Your past blogs have sure brought up some interesting discussions for these two old cowgirls over our lazy Saturday breakfasts. I sure am glad you’re doing well and Suzy says welcome back.
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