Today, I am Twenty-Two. And then?

A variation on the very same question asked by Leo Tolstoy when he reached the height of what humans could achieve. A family, a successful career, and more comforts than one could imagine. What was there left for him to strive for? What then was he to do next?

Today is my birthday. And it is nothing special.

When you turn 16, you can't wait to learn how to drive. When you turn 18, you can't wait to finally be able to do all the adult things you were denied save for drinking. When you turn 21, you officially become an adult, and the world with it's many wonders and laws are both at your will and at your won't.

But when you turn 22, nothing special happens. So what do you do then?

Most people by this age are graduating college. Some start on their careers. Others are getting married or are married. Those that are lucky, that is.

So what happens next for me?

My birthday horoscope said that apparently I'll have a good year from here on out. My charm will get me to where I want to be, and some time in the summer something big will happen that will change my life.

With what little guidance I have over my own life, this seems pretty hopeful. I'm pretty sure, however, that it won't happen. Nothing really good has come my way this year, so why would something come my way in the summer? Well, whatever does come my way, I'm welcoming it with open arms. Because I know that it will be the best that life can give me now after having the best for so long. Those that know me know what I mean by that. Or maybe I should say who I mean.

In any event, the sun now sets on a day in which I'm one year older. And I can't celebrate it with sex with a person I love more than my own life. Why? Because I gave my heart and soul to someone who ultimately crushed it and never gave it back to me.

Online gamer killed for selling virtual weapon

From shm.com.au:

A Shanghai online game player has stabbed to death a competitor who sold his cyber-sword, the China Daily said.

The incident creates a dilemma in China where no law exists for the ownership of virtual weapons.

Qiu Chengwei, 41, stabbed competitor Zhu Caoyuan repeatedly in the chest after he was told Zhu had sold his "dragon sabre", used in the popular online game Legend of Mir 3, the newspaper said a Shanghai court was told yesterday.

Legend of Mir 3 features heroes and villains, sorcerers and warriors, many of whom wield enormous swords.

Qiu and a friend jointly won their weapon last February, and lent it to Zhu who then sold it for 7,200 yuan ($A1,129), the newspaper said.

Qui went to the police to report the "theft" but was told the weapon was not real property protected by law.

"Zhu promised to hand over the cash but an angry Qui lost patience and attacked Zhu at his home, stabbing him in the left chest with great force and killing him," the court was told.

The newspaper did not specify the charge against Qiu but said he had given himself up to police and already pleaded guilty to intentional injury.

Yes, just another piece of evidence that all of humanity is lost. Seriously, killing over a cyber-weapon?!

The Last Day of my Twenty-First Year

And how do I spend it? Doing enough manual labor and physical activities to make me super-duper, can't-get-out-of-bed sore tomorrow!

The first thing I did was walk to Subway for lunch. Seeing as how my Black & White photo class was cancelled for the day and I couldn't get home due to ride complications, I decided to do something different. That and the twenty bucks I had in my wallet was screaming "SPEND ME NOW!"

The Subway in the area of Waktins is a good walk away. If I had to guess, I'd say it is about the same distance as the closest GameStop to my home. However, the walk is all uphill. The grade isn't all that high compared to how bad it could be, but it does help build up an appetite. I found myself finishing my foot long Cheese Steak in under 15 minutes after paying.

The way back was easier. After all, it was pretty much all downhill towards the school, and I had a tail wind (not like that would actually help me or anything). Thankfully, the large drink I had prevented any kind of dehydration I would have had in the noon heat.

I kind of wish I kept the drink though.

When I got back to school, I needed something to do while I waited for my ride to come. I told Terry that it was time for my box from earlier in the semester to become trash. He agreed and helped bring the box out to the dumpster. I then proceeded to take a long-handle sledgehammer to it. I can honestly say that I know now how it feels to be a chain gang member breaking rocks in the hot summer sun. I kind of enjoyed it, actually. I found myself humming a slave song while I was bashing plaster rocks into something that would fit in the dumpster. A little bit disturbing, but given the context of the situation nothing to read too much into.

But, GOD, is it hot outside! It is nice weather, no argument there. But there was no cloud cover at all! I found myself getting tired and thirsty within the first hour of the job. Thankfully, I was able to make it through without passing out or causing my calf muscles to cramp up like they always do whenever I play too much DDR. That is, when I have time to play DDR.

As a side note, I would like to say that my box took me about six weeks to complete and about two and a half hours to destroy.

I know I'm going to be feeling this in the morning. Right now, I'm just glad to be sitting down in an air-conditioned room. However, I know that once I go to bed after doing what homework I need to do tonight, I probably will have a hard time getting up in the morning. Thank God my first class isn't until 11:15, so that gives me a little bit of time.

Destroying stuff is fun, especially when it is your own creation and you don't care too much about it.

She changed on me!

Someone left a few comments saying that it was "me" under the name Leggy Pee. Upon looking up her profile, I found out who it was!

And her blog has this really nice daily zeitgeist thing I may join up to better share my Black & White Photos. For now, I'm sticking with PhotoBucket, as I have yet to kill my monthly bandwidth allowance.

Why?

I see people all around me with some kind of love in their life. A person, a passion, a light of joy that makes me turn away. I turn away because I know that I'll just keep staring at them in a very odd and offensive way. I'll just be very intrusive if I do.

A lot of thoughts are flying through my head. All of them in the form of a question that I know has no answer. At least no answer that I can come up with.

Why is it that I have dreams that feel so real? Why are those dreams always involving death, either my own or someone else's? Why do all the sex dreams feature things and events I wish could happen but I know realistically they never will?

Why do I am so tired with reality? Why, even now, do I feel like falling asleep in the dark room instead of doing my work? Why do I feel like I cannot do several important things by myself? Why do I feel like I know I lack a responsibility level others say I already have and display rather well? Why can't I see my own potential when others clearly can?

Why do I constantly day dream? Why do all my day dreams involve events that I fear will actually happen? Why do I imagine myself in a rut instead of a happy place the majority of the time? Why is it so hard for me to just imagine my ideal guy now when it was so easy before?

Why do I ask these questions?

I don't know.

Easter Oddities

Several subjects pertaining to this holiday season are on my mind right now.

First one that I shall address is what I gave up for Lent. For those of you that haven't been keeping track, I gave up pornographic material viewing with the intent of pleasure. In other words, seeking out and getting off to porn. Accidental exposure to such material was the exception, as I was not seeking out whatever I accidentally viewed.

Well, as far as that went, I'm surprised that I was able to complete this sacrifice. Yes, there were times when the vice took over, but I made it. I even thought I failed at one point, but after talking to several people on Gaia, it turned out most people consider pictures pornographic if they actually have nudity in it. Thankfully, the pictures I viewed were clothed.

However, looking back on it and where I am now, I don't think this helped me out any. I still remember several links to several preview sites. They may not be exactly the same URL as I remembered 40 days ago, but that's nothing a few minutes on Google can't fix. On top of that, I still have a want to view porn. From what I'm told, that kind of thing wouldn't happen after the whole 40 days of no vice. Then again, I bet there's someone out there scarfing down chocolate Easter bunnies right now after giving up sweets for Lent.

Oh well, I'm a porn addict.

Second on the list are several things I noticed when I went to Mass today. Now, even though I don't really like the church and where they stand on my kind of lifestyle and the fact that I like guys more than girls, I still make it a point to go to Easter and Christmas mass out of respect if nothing else. I also make it a point to wear the nicest things I can possibly have on me at the time, which is starting to grow small on me. I need a new set of formal wear anyway. I've been wearing the same brown set for the last three or four years now. (Incidentally, the shade of brown on my sport jacket matches my skin tone.)

The thing is, I could have gotten away with just wearing a T-shirt and jeans! I was very surprised how many people came to church wearing just that! Granted they were in Easter colors, but still. While the majority came in their suits and ties, several people came dressed looking like they were going to the beach right after church! I was still the only male in the room with a ponytail, however.

Lastly, I noticed several odd things about the people in front of me. Two rows in front were a pair of boys. They were either brothers or really close friends or some kind of relation. I can't tell any more, as I'm convinced the gene pool of facial feature is starting to get shallow on the Caucasian end, much like how it kind of is on the Asian end. The only sure thing I can tell you is that they were really playful with each other. I don't know why, but I kept wondering if they were gay and together. The shorter of the two boys at one point put his arm across the back rest of the other. A few moments later, the other boy jokingly leaned over towards him. They both smiled at each other, and the shorter boy then withdrew his arm back into his lap. At the point in the mass when we are to hold hands to say the "Our Father" prayer, I noticed that, again, the shorter of the two boys adjusted his hand so that he held the other one's hand like a couple would. I saw a smile between the two of them, and their hands stayed that way for the whole prayer.

It made me curious as to who those two boys are and what the deal with them is. I would like to say that it gave me hope, but it really didn't. Compared to them, I'm not all that hot. Hell, even the alter boy that was helping today's service, whom I know is also Filipino, looked hotter than I ever will or ever have!

Sitting a row in front of them was another young man in his Sunday Easter best. Nothing was really all that striking to me, until I saw his ring. He was wearing a ring on his pinky that had the biggest precious rock I have ever seen in my life! It was bigger than his finger! I was convinced that the weight of the ring would cause it to slip off his pinky! It made me feel even more poor than I already am.

One last odd thing I just realized as a way to close this entry. Don't you find it odd that it can take you forever and a day to get ready for a formal event but only two seconds to get out whatever it was you were in for that event?

Sony ordered to pay $90.7 mil. in patent infringement suit

From Japan Today:

The U.S. District Court in Oakland, California, has ordered Sony Computer Entertainment Inc. and its U.S. unit to pay $90.7 million in damages to Immersion Corp. for patent infringement over controllers used with PlayStation game consoles.

In the ruling handed down Thursday, the federal court also ordered Sony Computer Entertainment and Sony Entertainment America Inc. to stop selling the PlayStation and PlayStation 2 game consoles using Dualshock controllers as well as more than 40 game software products.

Well, ain't this just super. Not only can I not play Katamari Damacy right now (seeing how I'm still rather poor), but it looks like I may not be able to play it ever! The game is strictly Dualshock controller only!

If I can, I'm going to keep an eye on this one. If it turns out that future PS2s won't have the controller I need, I might as well sell my Christmas Gift to GameStop.

And the sad thing is, I haven't even unwrapped it from its plastic seal yet!

Satan's in the DVD Player

Because my mom wanted to, we watched Passion of the Christ.

Now, I would say that this film has caused me to be a reborn Catholic and all that, but that sadly isn't the case for me. I can see how empathetic people can say this, but my level of empathy isn't as high as those strong of faith. If anything, the movie made me feel uncomfortable physically to the point where my back itches with a thousand scars, my sides feel like they have been clawed by cats, my head feels like it is about to implode, and my hands feel like I'm missing several key bones.

As a movie, I'm sorry to say that this isn't an inspiring religious film. It's no Ten Commandments, a film I appreciate and respect. It feels too long. It's too gory of a film. It's not inspiring as everyone claimed it was short of the critics that say it is better suited in the horror genre of film.

Artistically, I have to hand it to Mel. Some of the scenes were excellently shot and created a poetry that most films today lack. The music, the visuals, and just the very emotion of the events is hard to capture in one form or another. Mel does this so well that I found myself appreciating the film on an artistic level. This is probably the first film that I appreciate on this level as well, so points for that.

Acting wise, the cast does their job just as well as how Mel got his shots in. I've seen several actors try to sell pain and sadness only to not pull it off and come off as ridiculous if not fake. (Claire Danes, I'm thinking of you in the final scene of Romeo + Juliet.) This cast sells those emotions so well, it's hard to believe that they were acting.

So why the title of this entry?

The DVD my mother got was faulty. During the part where Jesus is addressed by the other two people being nailed to the cross to either side of him, the DVD just halts. I had to press the skip button just to get to the next chapter. That's means that I missed viewing a rather important scene as far as the story goes.

Hence, the title.

Movie Trivia # 021: It's Half Past Ten, M'Lady

No to be outdone by the Greeks, a time-conscious character in the British-made The Viking Queen (1967) is clearly seen wearing a wristwatch.

This and other Movie Trivia posts brought to you by Roman Soldiers Don't Wear Watches by Bill Givens.

Black and White Photo Story Time

I probably won't post any more photos after this batch, seeing how finals are coming up. Thankfully, there are enough photos this round to make up for a while.

The assignment was to photograph and print a narrative. See if you can guess what kind of story I'm trying to say.





















And now for something completely unrelated...