I have to remember this FAQ for later if I ever get Animal Crossing.

Like that's going to happen.

Okay, since my last few blogs have been either long rants or just.... okay, they were all long rants, but anyway, I'm going to keep this breif.

This is the first time that I can remember waking up at 14:00!! Must have been the fact that I was up untill 03:00 talking to Jimmy. I'm so love him, but he doesn't love me. I feel like a teenie bopper all of a sudden.

Simple and Clean
Written by: Utada Hikaru

You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said

Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
That's when you came to me and said,

Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple

When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Ragardless of warning that future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

I got curious as to how this song sounded, so I spent a good part of my time on KaZaA looking for this MP3. I found both versions. The remix sounds really aggressive in contrast to the lyrics, if you ask me.

The original version that plays during the ending credits of Kingdom Hearts (I'm asuming) was what made me cry the more I listen. It's as if I found that once song in my life that's not really my theme, but the song from my heart. It's hard to explain. It's like this song was written from within from all my pain and loneliness. At one point, I pictured me singing this hugging Dan and James. It still brings to tears to my eyes as I'm typing this. No matter how hard I try to fight it, it's as if the song is saying for me to let it go. Quit trying to be on the defensive. Stop trying to be right even if you aren't. It's not like it was. It never will be. Ever. Every action you do, everything you say does something to change everything around you. The only thing that will ever remain the same is how you feel deep down inside about the people you know. The only thing that matters are the people you love. Those that walk away walk away by their free will. Don't lose the ones that love you. Don't lose the ones that you love. Show them you love them. You don't have to do much of anything or try as hard as you may think. Just show them.

Now if only I can show them. It sounds so simple. There is just one problem. I'm not there.

I would like to go on record and say the following:

Fighting is stupid. There is no reason to fight. Fighting solves nothing. Fighting only leads to suffering and suffering leads to more fighting. (Damn, I almost sounded like Yoda for a second.) I don't understand why most people as soon as they find a reason to do so go in with their fists balled, guns locked and loaded, and missles locked. There are other ways of solving a problem rather than fighting it straight out. That's like saying you shoot first before you ask questions to the bank robber as to who his accomplice was that escaped. It doesn't makes sense to go all gun-ho into situations that you don't like just because you have a problem with it. If people would just get past the rage of wanted to deck the shit out of someone, they would see there are other ways to solve the disargeement. On top of that, if they get past the rage, they may even see that what they are fighting for is stupid! Yes, there are good reasons to fight, but the majority of them are dumb ones. People think they can do anything and own everything. No one can do either, and those that think they can are only fooling themselves. These are the ones that are so itchy to push the big red war button. These are the ones that think fighting and wars will lead to peace. Peace must be earned! Wars will not lead to peace as they only lead to more wars. This peace that is gotten after a war is nothing more but a false illusion. True peace can never be gotten from fighting! Fighting solves nothing! Fighting is stupid. There are other ways to settle disputes.

The first thing I did was call my mom at work. She picked up and I told her that I don't see a reason why she can't change the time to earlier. She said there was a hundred dollor penalty to change. I asked if that will kill her. She said it will cause we are broke and they are trying to get the money back now. She's used that excuse far too long, since I was able to understand what money was, and she didn't get away with it this time. She then tried to change the subject, but I changed it right back. I reminded
her that dad and her told me that they agreed to Dan that I was going to leave early and on a Thursday. She said that it was earlier than near midnight like last time. I said that I'm sure Dan meant earlier than 6:30 as well. She said that she will talk to Dan Saturday herself and say that's the best she can do. That alone was tempting knowing what will happen, but I knew I had to change the time, so I persisted and said how I don't see a hundred bucks and an extra four hours in the airports will kill her. She then got into that "Fine, whatever you want, you spoiled little brat" tone of voice and said that she'll change the time so I can go early and then hung up on me immediately.

Just so you know, I did this immediately after I woke up this morning. I think I was just too tired to build up any anger when I was talking to her. She, on the other hand, sounded like she didn't want to deal with it. She said she was dealing with it and that I was the one not dealing with it. I said I'm trying to fix it and that she's really the one that can't deal with the fact that she made a mistake. That lead to to her saying that she was going to talk to Dan herself.

What a way to start a day, huh?

I could just KILL my mother right now!

Just a little while ago before I started this blog, my mother went and reserved the plan tickets. Not just my tickets, but the tickets of the rest of the family as well. All was fine untill I found out about what the arrangements for me were. See, it's like this. My mother is cheap. She's the kind that would bath with her cloths on to save water if we were in a very tight spot. She's also very schedule oriented. She has to have everything on a time sheet. Well, guess what? Not only does she want everyone to leave at the same time so no one has to wait at the airport too long, but she also can't seem to afford the extra $20 needed to bump up my arrival time. See, Dan made it clear to them when he called. He doesn't care about when I actually get in. All he asks is that it's on a Thursday since it's his day off and that it be early in the day so he has time to park and find out the flight number and find out what gate I'm coming from and find out which security check out is the closest if he isn't going to find out what bagage claim area I'll be at. That's all. What does my mother go and do? Well, she remembers the Thursday portion, but says "Screw you!" to the early part! While she was on the phone and I got wind of this, I tried to make her change it. I reminded her that it had to be at an earlier time. All she said was "No, I can't." She didn't even tell me WHY! It was as if everything is set in stone with her! After she hung up, she was all "You don't know the price of airplane tickets." What am I?! I may be stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid! I immediately went to CheapTickets.com and Expedia.com and found a ticket that was perfect! It fit all the agreed requirements and everything! When I showed my cheapass mother, she was all "They told me about that ticket too, but it would be $20 more for the service charge if you do it that way." I objected as to why that's a problem. She said she wants everyone to leave at the same time. She doesn't want to sit there and wait three hours more than she is suppose to... even if they have shops in the terminal! To her, it's just not right or respectful to her! Well, she is being disrespectful and extremely inconsiderate to Dan! When I told her that Dan said Thursday and early, all she claims to remember is that he said Thursday. I told her that she and dad told me that it was to be on a Thursday and early. She just said that all she's going to say (meaning Dad is going to say for her) is "I'm sorry, Dan, that's the best I can do." And as if to rub more salt on the wound, she leaves by saying "Why didn't you search for that ticket earlier?"

This is what I get for placing trust in her. I hope she dies and rots in Hell. I HATE HER!

Okay, so I did it again. God, I'm so fickle!

I, once again, open my box that held my music CDs and took out a few that I wanted to listen to, namely the ones that have the Cowboy Bebop music on them. Yeah, I know, I could just go out and buy them or even download them! The thing is, the CDs I want from the series (or at least the ones that have all the good music) are the ones that are out of print! You can't get a copy of the Cowgril ED OST anymore with the movie soundtrack since it was only released with the first issuing of the movie soundtrack. On top of that, the covated CD Box set is a limited edition. That means onces they are gone, they are gone for good! My love for the music of the series makes me sometimes wish I had one of two things. One, the connections and money to say to Victor Entertainment to give me a full and offical print of the CDs they don't sell anymore as if they were out this whole time (i.e. make them make me a new and freash copy for however amount they want) or two, download all the MP3s I can find from the series and burn them on to bootlegs!

The second one seems more likely.

In other news: I'm higher ranked than 15.5% of the twinks on Twink or Not? Man, I must be ugly.

Okay, I'm crazy... or really obediant to people I like these days.

Aaron suggested that I repack all the junk I took out that was set for movie nights and so on with Bill and James and Dan. He said to just go right ahead and bring them all if it helps me feel at home. He told me that I may never know when Bill and James will turn around.

He was right.

Later last night, James talked to me on IM! I apologized my butt off. It still didn't help me get a meeting with him just yet, but at least I still get to talk to him online. Bill then followed suit, but became tired and left at around three in the morning over in Seattle.

Man, I'm so tired from packing and repacking all my stuff.

From Twink or Not:

Rating: 4.4
You are ranked higher than 24.6% of the twinks on this site!

From the looks of it, I'm not that attractive. I mean, most of my votes were 1s. On the bright side, I did get one 10.

Well, I guess I can just forget about finding a cool cute boy to date and become boyfriends with.

After spending the better half of the day going through the rest of the pins on record to compleate my PinPic's profile, something amazing happened.

I went back to my bags and remembered that there were alot of junk in the bags that I packed for what seems to be no reason at all. My back pack I filled with little trinkets to make me feel more at home. You know, my little Mickey Mouse plushie, some CDs, my sketch books (no pencils), necklaces, and keys to my luggage locks. All the other stuff I packed prior to that were all there because I was hoping for something that ultimately will never happen! The videos I packed I wanted to share with Bill or James or maybe even with Dan. Not going to happen, so I put them back to where they were. I even packed a few little computer trinkets I forgot about back when Bill said he has a sweet ass computer set up for me. It's probibly broken to bits now if not broken up into it's raw parts and then used in something else. Even some of my most recently bought items I decided to leave behind for later. Almost everything I took out of my bags was somehow or another connected to Bill or James. Two of the most wonderful guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing I packed for only to end up loosing them.

That's one of my greatest fears, you know. Being alone. Having people who you thought whole heartedly were your friends to just turn their back on you. Well, not even turn their back on you you. The only thing that overshadows that is loosing contact with them. Or worst, having them forget who you are. I really don't want to be left out all alone after making such wonderful friends like Andrew and Chris and Aaron and Mark and David and Bobby and Sam and Seth and Randy and Bill and James and Dan. I want to keep them all if I can. I guess the sad realisation that I can't make me fear I'll only end up being alone again with no one special to hang out with or otherwise. I don't know, maybe I'm being stupid again. All I know is that I don't like this sinking feeling in my heart that I will end up losing everyone I love all to something as stupid and unforgiving as time.