My new client, friend, and semi-long-time co-worker is becoming someone I want to hang out with more often. While he is cool with me, I felt rather awkward today.
I have very few friends as it is, and that number is quickly dropping the more I commit myself to the life of a hermit who leaves the cave only when he needs to. As such, friendships become very important to me. But there comes a point where I even find myself being a bit too possessive of something like that. It's like I'm suffocating the one thing I want to live and grow because I don't know how to make that happen. I'm like the little kid that shakes the goldfish bag excitedly after buying it from the pet store not realizing (or listening to those that know better) that shaking the bag is actually bad for the goldfish. Actually, I'm starting to see it with my dog. I hug him so hard sometimes that he coughs and then struggles away. He gives me this look too after he's out of my arms like I'm crazy. But he's loyal and will always come back once he feels better.
But people are not like dogs. You smother them with too much affection, even if it is just friendly in nature, and they get weirded out. Do it enough and you'll only push them away. At the same time, if you don't do it enough, you'll come off like a cold-hearted bastard who doesn't give a damn about people.
It's a tight rope act I hate performing.
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