The Empty Feeling is Back

I saw a familiar face just now. One I haven't seen in a long time. David.

He's grown up now. So mature. Sure, he may look young, but he's very much a man now.

The thing that is breaking my heart is if I really knew him. Was what I had a real and honest friendship or was it some sick game from another online player? Did I become a statistic or did I actually lose the best friend I have ever known?

A large part of me wants to believe I wasn't lied to. It wants to believe that naive point of view I had where I hung on every word I was told. That who I was talking to was really who I was talking to. That what I had going for me was a good thing and it fell apart because of this irrational rational thinking.

It's the part that hurts the most. The part that causes this empty feeling in the core of my very soul to come back. A feeling I honestly thought I wouldn't feel again. I haven't felt it in a long time. I thought I was okay. I thought I was over this. I thought I could move on.

I wanted to contact him the moment I saw his face on television, but that rational side of me knew better. Searching for e-mails and gambling on dumb luck won't bring back what I lost. It won't fix the pain I feel. It will only make things worse for me.

All I want now is the truth.