Selfish Complaint

For the last several days, I've been avoiding doing the things that I need to be doing and have been doing the things that I want to. Mostly out of spite for the past few months, but partly because I don't know any better.

However, much like everything else in life, that juvenile mistake is catching up with me as I type this. And I'll probably complain about it, half-ass my way through it, and then ultimately forget about it until it is due.

It seems appropriate that this past week was Spring Break, and in some aspect depending on several points of views, I could justify my actions. I've been creatively dead; I've been feeling burned out; I'm in need of a vacation the likes of which I'll never get. If I was any kind of person that justified their actions with excuses like I was before, I would use these in a heartbeat.

And as much as I would like to break the habit, I know I will probably end up defaulting to said action. Sadly, I know that I can't do that. I can't even justify my last independent art project! But I know people don't like having things happen without a reason behind it. That's why we have religion.

If it weren't for the fact that I would be disappointing so many people, I would drop everything I was doing and just concentrate on me. Drop school, drop work, drop everything that I have to do and focus on the things I want to do. But I don't live in that kind of situation.

Before my sister left to go back to school herself, she was complaining and crying about how she feels her employer is taking advantage of her dedicated labor. She gave up her Spring Break to help cover while two employees were off giving birth. On the face value, this isn't anything big, but apparently this past Friday was payday. She had trouble getting paid for her labor over Thanksgiving, and chances are she won't get paid again. To push her even farther into the territory of crying because "you just have to cry," everyone got brand new chef coats to wear around the restaurant. Everyone but her.

You never really know how selfish your own complaints are until you hear someone else's.