At Summer's End

With the summer season winding down and nothing really to write on here about, I can't help but wonder where my interests currently are. Mostly because I have to have some kind of interest ready to explore in the more introvert sense of word for a class, but partly because of the collection of unfinished and unrefined material entertainment currently in my ownership. I am, of course, referring to my collection of video games and lingering desires involving entertainment or projects of those kind.

Now, I'm in a very strange position right now. Right in front of me is the DVD set of Animananiacs; the last video game I played was Sam & Max; I currently not interested if not entirely burned out on art in general, yet know enough to still keep the interest and curiosity alive, if only on a contemporary and technical level.

I haven't a single decent artistic idea come into my head since the summer semester came to a close with the final critique on my piece for my Study Abroad class. On top of this, the one project I had going on before my trip has been reduced to nothing but a dream while I sit here and bookmark items I want to buy like the complete Batman: The Animated Series collection. And the stupid thing is, I want to spend my paychecks on that kind of entertainment instead of on the things I actually will get some use out of like a new camera.

I would rather be mindlessly entertained for hours on end instead of being productive without monetary gain. In fact, booting up RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 just to continue "mixing my paints" in fireworks has been boring to me. The projects I had lined up for the engine, while no piece of real art in any sense of the word, have yet to even be outlined let alone thought of in anything more than a fleeting dream that comes when iTunes plays the audio mix I made.

That being said, my mind is under the unfortunate misdirection of interest best described as "a lust for company."

Here's how it went down. At work, a co-worker whom I was just generally being nice to outed another co-worker. With a curious interest, the three of us ended up forming an awkward friendship built around the first party's big mouth. Where this acquaintance is going is anyone's guess at this point. They were the first people I've actually hang out with from work outside of the context of being on break, which apparently should carry a lot of weight in some sense.

And that's where I think things went arry for me. Social repression, even self-induced, combined with my sexual desperation to produce a new side of me known in situational comedies as that desperate friend who ends up stalking the main characters on a level that is both scary and annoying. With one of the two co-workers, this is not a problem. He is going to college, and my first and last out-of-work with him was so similar to my last serious talk with Jason to the point where I knew what to do: leave him alone.

Why I can't do that with the other one? I cannot figure that part out for myself. It's been bothering to no ends to the point where I needed to talk to him one-on-one, but every time I do, I keep getting his machine. When I do get in contact with him, he's always busy doing something else. He says he'll call me back, but he never does.

Today, I pretty much gave him an ultimatum. He was the one that said he was serious about trying to be friends, and I took him at his word. His actions, on the other hand, sing a different story. So, on his machine, I told him if he is serious about wanting to be friends, he will need to step up. I didn't say it in the message, but that was to be the last time I would ever call him.

I don't want any more false hopes. But at the same time, I don't want my social interests be so introverted they end up damaging me even further than where I am at now. An repairable situation the likes only Hollywood and the media could make into something society will only see as either a pathetic comedy or a romantic tragedy.