This post may not be concise. Since about 22:00 as of last night, I've been keeping an eye on the dog. And it's been stressing me out ever since.
The short end of the story is that it got to be 106o F yesterday. This meant that the garage and my room were ovens. I was the lucky one; I was in class. The dog was not. And for all I know, this heat wave has been around for a long time before any one of us in the household took action.
My aunt reported to me that Shadow wasn't responding to anything but being splashed with cold water. She thought that it could be heat stroke. Like my parents, I chalked it up to old age. The seed was planted, however, and I looked up the signs of heat stroke in dogs. What I found worried and frightened me.
Everything that Shadow was experiencing was on that list. Heavy panting, weakness, wide eyes. Fearing a cruel and sad death at her old age, I brought my findings to my parents in the hopes of bringing her inside the house to cool off and not die in such a harsh manner.
My parents appeared to be reluctant in believing me. Never before have I more strongly thought that they considered the dog to be a thing than a animal, unlike how we treat the fish and birds. Strangely enough, my passive-aggressive mind set in the situation won out.
It looked like something out of an animal hospital reality show. We moved Shadow into the dining room by carrying her in a patchwork blanket nobody really cared for. We placed her down gently and proceeded to cool her off the only way we could figure out how. When we brought water to her lips, she lapped it up with what little strength she had left.
It was then that my parents knew we were in for some bumps in the road.
I stayed with Shadow, though I don't know why even now that I lost a night of sleep. All I can remember is that part of me wanted her to get better, but another part of me wanted her to just die and get this drama over with. And yet another part of me was wondering why the hell I give a damn about a dog that isn't even mine!
Why do I care for a dog that isn't even mine? Why did I start now when I've been just as bad in ignoring her as my sister who technically owns Shadow?
It was because the dog I see is me. I've stated this before, and I'll say it again until someone other than myself believes it: Shadow and I are experiencing the same life, the same careless neglect by those all around us who we both know are capable of loving us but don't show it. They may think they are showing it to us with what they give us (food and a place to sleep), but the sad fact is we don't feel it from anyone no matter how sweet they talk to us.
We don't know what love is.
We don't know what compassion is.
We only think we know.
...
Shadow is nearing the end of her long life with us. By my dad's guess, she has to be at least 14 years old. We are expecting her to go any day.
I just hope she knows that I tried to show her love and compassion by finally getting her out of that ghetto-ass cage in the oven that we call a garage and into a cooler setting. I pray she knows that I tried to show her a genuine sense of caring by trying to feed her and staying up with her all last night just to make sure she was able to sleep comfortably.
I hope she is aware of all my effort that I put forth even though it may have been too late...
Because maybe then she can leave us knowing that at least one person cared that much for her instead of only "just enough."
1 comment:
You're not a dog. Dogs are incapable of making their own food. Still, they can look around and find food. Unfortunately Shadow has come across neglect because her owner who cares more for other things and not the dog. You however have a maker, at least two, but no one owns you. If you believe that then your fate is as closed as that of the dog in the garage. You have a mind, body, and soul, all great things that enable you to think and make a difference in your life and that of others. Wouldn't you say that's a good thing. You can recognize what neglect is. Shadow just knew she was hot and in a world that could not conciously put together whether or not there were alternatives to his/her fate. You have the ability to control your fate, and don't need an owner to dictate it. You can find your ability to see neglect and find those you know are neglected and share a light of hope to them. You have that power. Use the rage you've dealt with as positive energy to make a real difference in the world around you.
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