Myself vs. Myself

I found myself towards the end of the day at odds with myself. It's not unusual to be fighting with yourself, especially when you're so messed up and confused like I am.

For a while, I've been trying to find out more about this guy named Cleet. The only reason is because he suddenly peaked my curiosity a few days ago when he started to mess with me every time he passed by to get his food in the cafe. When I say mess with me, he'd do some strange hand gesture in my immediate vision with a smile and then walk off. Then, for the rest of the time there, he would sit very close to a girl in my World Civilization class talking softly.

The only information I was able to find on my own is that he lives in the dorms, is a goof ball, plays guitar, and is extremely nice. Not much to go on, huh?

A part of me wants me to probe further to find out more about this guy, but another part of me keeps saying to back off. If it wasn't obvious to me before, I find myself constantly beating my head over it whenever I get love-struck. He keeps talking tot hat one girl that's in my class sitting very close to her, if not with her sitting on his lap all cuddled up and cute looking. Then why is it that he keeps doing "jazz hands" in front of me whenever he passes by and I make eye contact with him?

And then there's Austin. Boy, that's getting messed up. The moment I see him the crush hits, but as soon as I start talking to him about whatever, it's gone. Furthermore, I don't know much about him outside of his motorphobia and what his interests are. The more I talk to him, the more I find that crush creeping back up, especially if his jacket is off and he shows off those really nicely toned arms of his he got from drum line.

Both of these guys I only see twice a week every other day. Cleet I run into mostly on Monday and Wednesday; Austin is pretty much a solid Tuesday and Thursday encounter.

So what's the problem? Simply put, I know better. These guys are just simply out of my league. Hell, they aren't even on my team! I probably would have better luck with Wyatt if I didn't already know that it wouldn't work out with us since we are so different in pretty much everything!

Normally, if I didn't have this constant encounter with one of them causing my emotions to go all a-flutter, I would be over them within a good month. That was the case with Joe in my painting class. (Although, he is still a pleasure to look at.) But, that's not the case for me.

The only way that this problem would be rendered moot is if one of them is secretly gay and isn't telling me for one reason or another. But I doubt that my luck is that good anymore.