06-12-2006
How many of you saw this coming? Good. Curious as to what I was up since the last post? No? Too bad. It's rather interesting.
Some short time after my last post, I finally got a job. On my own (relatively) and the first official one I can put on my resume of employment. Where am I working? At a movie theatre in the part of town most of the New Money live in. Yeah, I get to serve popcorn and clean up after rich people that are so pretty you can't fuck them.
As excited as I was going into it, the first day was hell. They just shoved me behind the concession register and said "follow this guy." My trainer was kind of an idiot. He just showed me the register and that was it. I somehow was able to weasel my way into ushering for the rest of the night.
The next few days proved that the whole "team" aspect of the job I was told about doesn't exist. I was closing concession, and nobody wanted to do their duties the first night. The second night I was closing, there was an employee working with me that all the managers trusted with their life. Probably was going to be a manager if he wanted to. We got out late because someone didn't tell the ushers that day they had to break down boxes. As such, I had to along with the only team leader that night. Everyone else left, outside of the managers.
Over the course of my first week, I got the hang of things. Kids movies that open are a nightmare, both concessioning and cleaning up after them. Kids don't know how to eat at the movies. I see now why in day cares, lunch and TV time are separate from each other. I also learned how to tell the difference between a popular movie and an unpopular movie simply by how much trash is left behind and which theatre they are playing the movie in. Generally, the smaller the theatre, the smaller the crowd, the less trash. I also learned we show several "art" films, most of which never generate any trash as at all. If they do, it's not much.
Interesting stories? A few.
My first day I got searched. I was helping my trainer turn in a travel bag into Lost and Found, but apparently all the credit cards disappeared, as well as some cash. It was policy to search the ushers because they don't trust us any more than they trust their customers. So why me? Why the new guy? Because I also handled the bag. After that, the movie theatre where this all went down had to be search and left unclean when the movie ended. Just in case someone left them in their by accident after their robbery attempt. In any event, that alone probably set myself up for a fall.
A few days after that, I was sent on the center register in concession. I had two customers snap at me and one family spill their soda. I closed my register as ordered by the manager. Apparently, after those events, my body language changed. With concern for myself, the manager put me on clean up for about an hour just to cool down. I don't remember taking any of those events personally; I come from a rather indifferent stance when it comes to people biting my head off for reasons I can't control. But apparently, the manager read it as such. After that, I was put back on the register for the rest of my shift with only the last minute movie patrons to serve.
My first official day ushering (Day 4), I was left alone after 15:00. One usher had to go to the place where you get your tickets torn, another had to cover for someone in concession. Unfortunately, for me, that day was a holiday weekend, and a big movie just came out into our theatres. As I was trying to clean the theatres, I panicked and radioed for help. No response. I was already late as it was, so I stormed up there and asked a manager in person for help. My help came in the form of a pair of lazy employees who would rather make easy money than work. I can't say I didn't want to be in their shoes, but then again even I know (as foolish and inexperienced as I was then) that work means work. Needless to say, I got nothing done and I stayed 20 minutes over my shift. The Shift Manager at the time was the only one that apologized for that. I left angry that day to the point where I took it out on my family.
After getting the hang of everything, I had to open the concession stand by myself. Unfortunately, for me, the day I did it was the day the popcorn maker breaks on me. Not only did I have to wait for the kettle to cool down so I can put back on a screw that was missing, but I also apparently forgot to put the nozzles on the soda until my first set of customers came in. When I saw another employee come in getting a soda for her cup, I asked in a panic for her to put the rest of the nozzles back on. This was the start of my over use of thanking people. It used to be that I said "I'm sorry" a lot. I now find myself saying "Thank you" to nearly everyone at work for things that are probably minor. Thankfully, my line had more patient people who were there just as soon as the theatre opened for shows that didn't start for another hour.
On a more positive note, I talked to a father and 11-year-old girl as they were getting their popcorn from me. Standard question is "what movie are you here to see?" They were going to watch Poseidon. Well, that movie is kind of a horror movie, and I expressed my discomfort in such a young girl seeing such a graphic movie. The father assured me that she's a horror movie fan. So, I asked, "What's your favorite scary movie so far?" Her answer? Amnyville. Yeah, she was going to be fine with Poseidon.
When Cars opened, I was in concession that Friday. Center register, which meant I would get a lot of impatient parents and bratty kids. Or so I thought. The most interesting even that day? A woman with blond hair and a tan that was obviously fake comes in and says "I need 12 kids meals." I jaw it hit floor. She explained that they are having a birthday party, so I rang up the 12 meals. I then turned around to four new employees who were shadowing and running food for us that day and announced that I need 12 kids meals ASAP. My line as getting longer as I asked what drink she wanted for the kids meals. After counting off a dozen cups and handing them to another runner, she gave me yet another food order. She was bringing her older sons, so she got two medium popcorns, and for the parents, four small popcorns and drinks. The order got so big that we had to use the counter space normally used for advertisements and post cards about in-theatre promotions. We even had to bring out a few trays just for them to carry everything to the theatre. All the while, my line just got longer and longer, with only two other registers open to get relieve traffic flow. After she paid (her total was $103, if you are wondering), I apologized to the next person in line. He said that it was quite alright, and that he was impressed with how I handled the situation given both the line, the time, and the extra help. From there on out, it was business as usual.
So what did I buy with my first pay check? Nothing. You would think that it would be porn, but all the sites I went to apparently don't ship to Tennessee. I wonder why? (Okay, I know why. It's because I live in a town that has a porn shop near a bar across the street from a church. Furthermore, gay porn isn't allowed here unless it features lesbians that are generally hot.) I also can't find anything on Amazon or eBay because, apparently, they stopped or pulled off any adult content short of the stuff that isn't porn like the documentaries of the porn industries I found. So what did I do with it? I owed my sister some money, so I cashed it in and gave her what I owed. I'm probably going to do the same thing with my mother and everyone else. Which generally means at this rate I won't be able to buy my computer for my art.
Which brings me to this next point in this long post from beyond the grave! Over the course of my first week of working, I've lost interest in my art work. It was a fear of mine that actually prevented me from getting a job in the first place. The whole "selling your soul to the all mighty dollar" scenario that all my art connection say isn't as bad as I thought it was. Unfortunately, now that I am working 40 hours a week (even if it is just cleaning up after the popcorn I help dish out) my creativity has taken a dive. And a sharp one at that. Any creative project I started before I got this job is pretty much dead, even on my days off. Instead of working them, I opt to sleep or figuring out how much my next pay check will be. My family has even started up talks of getting me to learn how to drive again during my days off simply because my work schedule doesn't fit as nicely as my class schedule did with their driving/work schedule.
It's like my biggest fear came true. The only reason I was able to type this is because I'm doing the laundry and thought "You know, I probably should tell more than just my family what kind of stories I'm experiencing at work." No creative thought has popped into my head, not even thought that involve the projects I had planned before I got a job. It's as if I have joined that 95% of art school graduates who don't do anything afterwards with their knowledge a year and a half earlier than expected.
06-14-2006
I used my employee benefit to go see Cars. What kind of benefit got me to see that movie? I get to see any movie I want for free (provided it's not opening weekend, because of the General Manager can sell the seat, he will).
The movie was a fun ride, but I think I was the only one that was enjoying it with all of their characters and personality. I'll spare the movie review, not because it was a bad movie. Far from it. It's just right now I don't feel like talking about it.
It seems that movies only provide an escape for my family that lasts only during the two hours that they are in the theatre. Nothing before, nothing after. In fact, after the movie, it's back to business.
Seems like a rather strange "thanks for a free movie," you know? But that's the way they are.
There's talk about what the next movie we will see for free is going to be. Chances are it's going to be Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. At the earliest, Di Vinci Code. X3 looks to be out of the question at this point.
06-17-2006
I am slowly losing respect for my fellow co-workers.
Friday, during the premiere night of four movies, I had the morning shift as well as the first evening rush. I was paired with people who obviously did not want to work at all. As soon as I was cashed in (I was in concession), they pretty much left to gossip in the break room. I did most of the selling and restocking, what little there was to restock. Once I had a dead period, I asked to go on my break from a manager. They said it was alright, so I went. Five minutes into it, I had to get back on the clock because apparently they didn't remember that my co-worker was on her break, and the person that was out in front wasn't cashed in to a register. What the hell?! Managers should know these kind of things before approving breaks! To top it off, I found out later that the person that was on her break was there for four years now. You would think that someone who was there would be at least responsible enough to tell me that they are going on break and to cover for her, but apparently she isn't that responsible.
Today? I was ushering and had two no-shows with my co-workers. The first no-show I can't complain about because I never worked with the guy, so I wouldn't know anything about how he works. The second no-show I'm a bit surprised by. This was the guy that was on top of things when I was closing concession that second night I had to stay until midnight. He even broke down boxes with me long after we were suppose to clock out. For him to not show up to usher seems a bit odd. Again, excusable since I know he's on top of nearly everything else.
For the morning shift, however, I was stuck with a fellow that was hired around the same time I was. Apparently, he was trained differently. He was also taken advantage of. His ushering experience has been strictly books. He never cleaned. So, I put him on it while I did walks. I helped clean the bigger movies like Cars and Nacho Libre when I wasn't doing the books. That's when I lost respect for him entirely. We had a spill, a massive one, and I told him to get a mop while I got the rest of the trash out of the cup holders and floor. It would be quicker if we divide and conquer. He insisted to just use napkins since he didn't want to get a mop. I told him that since he's going to get napkins at the concession anyway to just go ahead and get the mop. Then he told me to get the mop instead while he picked up the trash. I gave in and let him have the easy job. Needless to say, I was the last one out of the theatre because we wasted five minutes arguing over using napkins to clean a spill from a large drink (and those of you that know theatre concessions, those napkins can't absorb anything).
The only thing that help made today bearable was the fact that one of the new employees is a former Teamster. As a member of that union, he knows what it means to be part of a work team and how to work as a team. Seeing how every time I get put into a team setting I end up the leader (since, apparently, nobody likes to take charge), I know I can count on him. I also got help from the girl that I shadowed my first day on the job, who even volunteered to take over my walking duties for me without even asking!
It's nice to know that there are at least some competent workers at my job. I just wish we were paired up more often.
I'm at the point where I want to fire a letter off to the District Manager. I would take this to the Gen. Manager, but he doesn't come off as approachable in these kind of matters. Plus, I have issues with him and the rest of the management staff. He over hired from the looks of it, but he also spread us out way to thin in areas that are more important than the jobs that he claims are the most important. What do I mean by that? Rumor has it we will soon have to be signing books saying that we've checked the bathrooms every 25 minutes as part of our usher duties. As of right now, it's impossible for the ushers to check the bathrooms that often due to things like the new walk system and cleaning up after a show. An Assistant Manager said that we may end up putting someone on the clock strictly for bathroom checks. That's it. He said that was his job before at another theatre, so it's very well possible.
I'm planning a little social experiment on Wednesday, my day off. I'm going to think it through over the night and over my shift tomorrow, then run it by the Gen. Manager if I see him. If not, I won't tell anyone and just do it. The later being the better option so far. It will test the managers as well as the employees.
06-18-2006
It didn't even take 24 hours, and I'm already a broken spirit wanting to quit so badly. I would too if I didn't already know first hand how difficult it is for me to find a job. However, if I quit, how do you think the manager of the place I would be applying for would take it?
What brought this thought into my head?
I was the only usher today from opening until about 16:46 when my mandatory break happened. Mandatory by law, that is. In all honesty, I would have liked to have worked well into my fifth hour, thereby getting the management in trouble for not being the responsible ones in finding me some help from one of the other employees. Granted we were thin already, but seriously. We have an employee roster of about 40 people! Couldn't someone get called in last minute?!
So there I was, all day, trying to keep to the schedule and make sure theatres were clean and walks where done by myself. Again, let me remind you that I'm the only usher working. Well, after I get a lot of these books signed to show that I did my walks, the manager asks if I checked the bathrooms. I told her that I don't have the time to do that and still keep all the theatres clean on time. She started asking me why, and another manager noticed a look of pain on my face. I was already overworked as it was, and only that manager new it. The other manager that knew was busy helping the other group of kids over in concession.
Towards the final leg of my time before my break, the fact that I was behind on nearly everything was starting to take its toll. I began throwing the bottle water and child booster seats towards the wall near the trash cans at the risk of having them break into a million pieces. I called for help twice for our big theatres, and this time someone listened. The last time I called for help, nobody replied until I went up there myself and asked for it in person instead of over the radio. In this panic, several guests noticed that I wasn't the usual happy and productive Regal Employee that they saw when they bought their tickets or popcorn. They asked if I was alright, to which I responded an honest 'No' as I rushed to the next theatre to be clean.
I cannot say that I handled everything as well as I could have, or that the managers gave me a big congratulations and thank you for a job well done. By the time I was able to take my break, I was about ready to cry with stress. Not only did I miss cleaning two shows after they let out, but I didn't do my walks for nearly every show that started after 13:30. I spent the entire 35 minutes huddled over trying to lower my body heat with an Icee, only to be told that I can't have those unless I bring a cup of my own now. I was using one of those free wax cups we are suppose to give the customers when they request for some. After finishing what I had, I spent the rest of the time huddled over myself in an upright fetal position. I got a pat of pity from a manager that walked by that knew my plight. That was about it outside of a conversation with someone that was clocking in as to why I looked like I've been through hell.
About that time the thought of just quitting came into my head. Since I started working there, I haven't had a single good experience that I can remember. Every time, something bad happens in one fashion or another. This entry is a testimonial to that. Where else would I log something like that?
As my break was about to end, another usher came in. She got updated as to what happened. About how I missed doing nearly all my walks because I was stuck cleaning three kids movies by myself, and about how stressed I was about trying to just be on time. Hell, I didn't even once check the bathrooms because I was that behind!
But the damage was done. Once I was out on the floor, my spirit was broken and I didn't care if we did anything on time any more. I did my job at the pass of a pack mule with a heavy load trying to carry it up the canyon hill. Not even the fact I had to take the trash out in the rain affected me. If anything, I was hoping a manager would see me soaked as I was pulling a trash can back to a theatre and just have more pity on me knowing that I'm doing the best I can now that they broke my will.
It's times like these I wish I knew how to get in contact with the District Manager. Then again, I wish the District Manager of Regal Cinema for Nashville was there today and saw me during both these states--the panic state of the morning and the dead state of the evening. I'm only one employee and very expendable, but still. This should have happened. The Shift Manager should have known that today being Father's Day, that the after church crowd would go to the movies.
06-19-2006
"But I know, it's my damn fault" echoes in my head. Partly because Margaritaville is playing over while I type this.
Some time after my blog ended for the second time, Jason chorused me into getting a MySpace. (Notice I'm not linking to it.) I'm rather ashamed that I ended up getting one, as I'm not social to begin with.
Well, recently, my boredom and screwed up psyche found myself on the site surfing through the degrees of separation and what things I had in common with some people. I found a few people from high school and several from Watkins on there. All of which are more socially connected if not more evolved than I am in one aspect or another.
While I know better than to judge a person by the profile they present themselves (after all, how many of those are as honest as my blog?), my already damaged mentality of how real life works made me over react inside. I realized how little social interaction I get, both online and in real life.
And yet, as depressing as that is to me, I don't have any desire to be social. While I would like to have more friends and a close group of people I can call and count on, I have no want to go out, party, or whatever it is people do these days to be social.
Combine this with that death of the hopeless romantic in me that indirectly resulted in my lack of interest in the gay dating scene or wanting to date anyone period, and I think we have the beginnings of some kind of Lone Wolf Syndrome (LWS). I doubt something like this exists, but it wouldn't surprise me if it did. After all, we did have isolationists back during the days of World War II if not farther back.
It's odd being depressed about something you know you could care less about. Maybe that means I really do care about being social. Then why is it that I don't care about making friends anymore, especially knowing how the real world works now after a month at a real job?
06-22-2006
I think I may have done something that I know I don't remember doing before.
Apparently, I offended or was rude to a customer on Sunday when I was ushering alone. Rumor has it that the lady was African-American and was asking for the General Manager's number to directly report me.
I have no recollection of being rude to any guests that day. What guest interaction I had was mostly concerned guests asking if I was okay as I rushed from one theatre to the next and the usual "is there a movie playing in here?" guest that comes in while I'm still cleaning a theatre.
The only time I remember being even remotely rude was during my last leg of panic attacks for being late with a co-worker. She wanted to know what time the movies were starting and I told her I that I had no clue. The tone I used was more along of the lines of a frustrated and depressed "why are you asking me this?" instead of a rude or offensive tone. At least in my head. There is a chance (and a big one apparently) that she may have taken it as me being rude or taking out my frustrations on her for a bad day.
In any event, the pebble thrown into the river Sunday is making ripples that nearly everyone that knows me has been asking about. And unfortunately, I don't know if they mean a guest or if they mean a co-worker. Everyone is saying 'guest.' I'm saying that I don't know and that I don't remember.
06-23-2006
Al Gore Visits for 'An Inconvenient Truth' Premiere
I probably don't need to say much of anything given the title, but seeing how this is probably as close as I'll ever really get to someone of any power or money, it does warrant at least some attention.
That and it was the only time work was fun, so I need to log this to balance out some of the bad.
I opened the upstairs concession pretty much by myself. When help came around, the only things left were popcorn and nachos to make. The manager working that afternoon said to stock for a thousand, so I did. Ironically, we only served about 30 people, all of which were handing big bills in one fashion or another.
The premiere itself is not what you would expect. At least from a theatre worker's point of view. From the outside, it looks like a bunch of glits and glamour. From the employee side, it's just another day at work. The only difference is the clientele. Instead of serving the new money of Green Hills, we were serving the old and political money of the greater Nashville area. (Which, coincidently, included a fellow classmate of mine who I did not know was of money.)
Al and Tipper Gore were there. Their entrance was signaled by applause and cheers, as well as their exit as they left the lobby to go into the theatre. Their assistants went to the concession stands where I was to get their food for them.
And guess who got to fill their order? That's right. Me. I ran for bottle waters (two for Tipper, two for Al) and a medium popcorn with butter for the Gores. Well, their assistance, but you get the idea.
After the premiere rush, it was closing duty. The concession was only open for the Gores and their friends. Every other movie patron that night had to use the downstairs concession. Which was a mad house from what I was told after we were sent home from cleaning.
A security officer friend of mine said Al and Tipper only stayed for about 20 minutes max into the movie before leaving. Every other VIP there stayed for the whole thing. That's politics for you.
Much to my surprise, everything went off with little to no problems. At least nothing major like a popcorn machine breaking down or even running low on cups. I think I had something to do with that, because we were overstocked when all the clean up was said and done. And for an evening when there was press in the building as well as people that most of us will never shake hands with, I can honestly say that I had fun.
The only downer? No premiere goodie bags for the employees. Just a congratulatory "good job" from the General Manager. Weak, huh?
07-01-2006
A week before this post date, my computer died. Kind of a mystery, but I won't go into it. Basically, the motherboard is fried beyond repair. Mom had the bright idea of just transferring the data over to the desktop computer that my sister originally got for college but ended up not using because of the new wireless campus set up (READS: Because the college forced her to get a laptop). Turns out that motherboard is also on the brink of blowing up.
Thankfully, that computer can be repaired. But, as with most things in life, it comes at a price. Mainly, my first three pay checks.
Yes, I know, given how much money I spent on just repairs so far (estimated at $600), I am better off getting a new computer. The thing is, I wasn't expecting to buy one this soon. And certainly not one designed strictly for internet and play until SPORE came out.
In any event, I'm back to where I started six weeks ago. Trying to save for a computer that I can use for my digital art work. I guess that's how the pennies roll in the real world. Sucks, don't it?
07-07-2006
It hasn't even been two weeks completely, and my addiction to the internet couldn't be more apparent. Unfortunately, it's been compensated with another form of technology I haven't touched since high school.
Nearly immediately after checking the computers in for repairs, I found myself playing video games again. Namely, LUNAR: Silver Star Story Complete in a vain attempt of getting my lost save game back. Apparently I screwed up somewhere, because I couldn't find the third Healing Ring in the Grindery. Trivial, I know, but my OCD kicked in when I realized this and I deleted the saved game I had seeing as how I couldn't go back in the game due to how they programmed it.
This impulsive reaction to not having a computer worries me.
Recent studies from British scientists show that the internet is reducing the amount of real face time humans get when communicating with others. Places like MySpace and even my own blog offer a way to communicate in a way not seen anywhere else before in history! We are now a global neighborhood, but it isn't as great as Epcot's Spaceship Earth ride made it out to be. Yes, we are communicating with each other, but at the same time we are distancing ourselves from real world interaction. I've known this for a while now, but it didn't become as apparent until after I heard about this report.
With work comes a new social scene. And with this new scene comes more new observations from this fool who is writing this. Basically, the blunt truth of the matter is this. It doesn't matter if I drive. The damage from my past has been done and there is no way (or personal interest at this point) for me to get a social life that everyone wants me to. Oh, sure, there's the whole going out to just hang out with friends angle I could use. That in itself is harmless. But I work with a bunch of teenagers, most of which are looking forward to turning 18 or 21. Most of whom already have an established social life I never had in high school.
And the more things stay the same with the more changes I experience. I still talk to people. I'm social, but not in the way most people are. I bring out the meaning of association to its most literal form apparently.
Combine this with the amount of time I spend on the internet, and you have a good nut case on your hands. Probably one for the text books if I can give myself too much credit with this problem.
But these past two weeks or so have shown me a side of myself that is starting to become all too normal for me. Over the course of the days, with work and playing video games, I lost interest in my art. I lost interest in generally everything. I just want to get money and waste it on technology so I can keep up with the internet (and maybe play SPORE when it comes out). Nothing more, nothing less.
A friend of mine (if you can call him that given what I said above) told me in an e-mail that a job would help me find purpose in the boring day-to-day routine of this thing we call life. While it gave me a sense that someone actually needed me in a strange way, it didn't give me that sense of purpose he was talking about. In fact, I think it did the opposite. I think the repair costs of the computers had something to do with it. I'm not sure.
The addiction to the internet is apparently too great for me to bare. My sister left me her laptop in my trust over the weekend as she goes out of town. Probably to still my addiction by giving me what I miss the most so that I'm not so tortured over the weekend when the video game I can't seem to complete in its entirety can't distract me any better than going to work for a movie theatre full of Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom/Keira Knightly/Pirates fans.
While a part of me wants to go back on to all my online games I invested so many months and lost hours to, this new part of me is asking "why bother? Sure, you may have wasted about six months total on a cheesy online game based around Disneyland, but you wasted how many years sitting in front of the computer?" The answer is ever since AOL first came out and I thought it was the best thing ever. It was around the same time when Animaniacs and the first wave of Power Rangers were popular. That being said, I probably with just stick to message boards and find out what, if anything, that I missed and if said missed events were the kind that would send my collection habit into overdrive. I'm hoping that won't be the case and that it will just be like when Pokemon came out with another 150 creatures to catch. In other words, I'm hoping that I missed so much that I would be better off to just drop the game cold.
But online games are one thing. The message boards, e-mails, and even this blog are probably the root of my addiction. It's the not knowing what's going on that's killing me. How so? With these things, I feel a connection to a social scene that I don't have in real life. I feel like I'm in "the know" or some social circle similar to what I observe in real life and wish I could be a part of.
The only thing that makes my social scene pathetic is how the media portrays it. Unfortunately, if science can prove anything, it proves that the media was right in how they may my present socializing techniques.
And yet, this is probably the most honest form of communication anyone that will ever get to know me will ever have from me.
07-14-2006
Not having a computer and paying for its repairs from my own pay checks, which was originally designed for just socking away money if I could, has put into a very interesting perspective my thoughts on being a consumer now. Just try and keep up with me, as this train of logic is more irrational than most of my rants.
Last weekend, with the "fuzzy math" done in my head, I pretty much threw out all hope of ever getting enough money to support my art. At that point, my interest in art and in college was set at 'Get it done and then go into something you would like to do for the rest of your life. Something financially viable and with some amount of security.' The only thing I came up with is character design for video games. After I get my BFA (at least at this point in my mind), I'll see about submitting a portfolio again to the Seattle game design schools that rejected me the first time.
With that in place in my head, I threw all concern for saving for my computer to the wind and tried in a vain attempt at finding an online shop that would ship porn to my area. I found nothing every place I tried to order from, canceling one order in the process which caused that money to float in limbo for the next two months until it defaults back to me per bank agreement. Or so I'm told in the fine print of my Debit Card. It seemed like a lost cause until I found a site that ships via UPS Ground. Fast forward to yesterday, and I'm the proud owner of my first porn DVD that I've wanted since God-knows-when.
However, I can't say that I'm a 'proud' owner without feeling a bit unlike myself. Yes, I'm a gay guy in his mid-20's (Geez, already?), and yes, like most guys, sex and getting off are on my mind a good chunk of the time. But how the hell did buying and getting that DVD shipped to a region most won't ship to make me feel unlike myself?
To be perfectly honest, I started to feel like I was becoming like Dan. A black trunk full of porn and adult toys kept under lock and key? That was him when I was with him. And while my trunk has mostly traumatic items I don't want to look at with only two pieces of porn, a handful of dirty magazines, and some other 'tools,' It's still slowly becoming more like his trunk.
When I came to this realization, I remembered what Jason said about Dan given all that I've blogged and told to him in private about. And I didn't like the fact that I could be headed down that way simply out of being beaten up by life in general due to my own mistakes.
That being said, I hope that this was the first and last porn that I buy online in any form. I'm not one for being noble nor am I one to try my damnest not to go down a path I will ultimately take, but I hope to God I don't end up like Dan or do what Dan did to me.
So with nothing really to purchase and my original summer goal out of reach due to technical difficulties of the most annoying kind, where does this leave my summer job money? Tuition? School supplies? The monthly donation to Gaia Online? Maybe finally go on that trip to Disneyland by myself?
Who knows?
Work is starting to become less of something to complain and rant about. In fact, it's starting to become more of 'just a thing you do' kind of aspect that is a part of nearly everyone's life. The only thing that is making it enjoyable is the internal drama. Let me share at the risk of getting fired.
Several managers have quit or left for better jobs. Supposable, it has something to do with the General Manager and how he is running things. As of this entry, we are hiring for managers. As far as us underlings go? We are pretty much just going about the job as usual. No new faces in a while, but surprisingly a lot of the people we hired at the start of the summer are gone. Futhermore, several of the older employees are leaving as well. If I had to guess, they probably got better jobs.
So, yeah, in short, work has just become something to do.
The computer, as of this typing, is still out. I can't go on VMK and escape to my virtual Disneyland where I can design rooms and other places with little frustration that the real world offers (like friction and gravity when moving furniture). My sister's laptop is for messages checking use unless allowed otherwise. Naturally, because it's her laptop, she's gets mad every time I look at it with a gaze that reads like I'm wanting to make love to it longingly.
But my time without a personal computer has put into perspective yet another thing about my daily life that I didn't think about until I lost the computer and got the job. I spend too much time playing really crappy games for free thinking that they are the best things ever. Exceptions going to Gaia and VMK... albeit VMK does have some limited enjoyments as well.
07-15-2006
Well, this is interesting. Apparently, my work is in a bit of a bind. Somehow, we lost $2,000 of concession food in our inventory. Mostly candy, but there are some hot dogs and even soda cups.
Naturally, to find out who did it, the General Manager is talking to everyone about what is going on. If you confess to him when he talks to you, the punishment will be less brutal than if you lie and they catch you on the security cameras.
So far? Only one person has been suspended. Gossip with the co-workers is that he was just generally unliked by the other employees. I didn't like him because he didn't work, but other than that, I never saw him steal anything. Then again, I only worked with him once, so I don't know much of anything unlike the ones that work with him more often.
In other news that won't get me fired, I keep running into people from Watkins at work. Today, I ran into Coffey, who was standing outside the doors on his phone. He was probably going to see a movie. I also ran into Terry T., who is the head of the Fine Arts department. He was going to see Wordplay, and I ran into him while working concessions. Oddly enough, he said that he knew he'd run into me eventually at the theater I worked. I wonder what that means. Lastly, I ran into my ex-Dean as well. I kind of almost ran him over, as I was pulling trash cans out to dump. It's kind of freaky.
07-26-2006
The only thing interesting to point out today as far as work goes is the gross amount of misinformation involving the request for school leave. It got so bad that I had to just go to the General Manager to find out the proper way of doing it. Other than that, nothing really to report.
Why? Because my main concern right now is the computer.
See, it appears that even thought it came back repaired, it still doesn't work. I tried everything that was suggested to me and the more it refuses to work. At this point, we are better off getting a new computer, for which I'll be browsing for on my sister's laptop.
So what exactly is wrong with it? The motherboard for the model is apparently retired. Best Buy, to the best of their ability, put in a motherboard that is as close to the original as they can get. This, however, causes several system restoration problems. E-Machine has a chip in their motherboards that enables the restore CDs to work properly. Without it, we would have to buy Windows XP separately instead of using the system restore CDs.
Basically, without that chip, we are going to be out another couple hundred dollars or so just getting an operating system for the computer.
This could not come at a worst time than now. In a few weeks, my sister leaves for college yet again. This means that we will be officially without a computer. No computer means mom can't do her PowerPoint presentations. No computer means no internet as well. However, what I'm more concern about is that no computer means no way to write my papers on time and when I want to at home. (And as much as I would like to hand my teachers hand-written essays and whatever else they want, I know they won't accept them as college level professionalism at its finest.)
This pretty much falls back now on to my summer job. With the money I have, I can do one of several things.
The first option is to just get a laptop. The state is throwing a tax break holiday during the first weekend of August on all Back-to-School items. Of which, any computer under $1500 is eligible for the tax break. This means that by today's standards, I can get a computer that will run like a big type writer and can let me surf the internet without the 10% state sales tax. I can either pay it myself and own it or finance it off my mother.
Second, find a computer that I can use casually while giving access to the rest of the family. It's become evident that I have a problem sharing technology, especially when it works. Then again, so does my mom when it comes to gardening projects.
Third, I could just continue spending time and money trying to fix the desktop. Frustrating, yes, but who knows if the frustration will be rewarded. I'm hoping Best Buy will just hand me a new computer for free for all the trouble that has happened over the summer, but I doubt any retail company is that nice.
Finally, I could just do nothing. I could stop and just explain to my teachers that I am without technology. I could use the computers at school to the best of my ability, which would limit the quality of what written work is required of me. Same would probably apply to the research part of whatever paper I need to do this semester.
All in all, I was hoping for a nice and easy summer where all I would do is sock cash away while enduring what drama came out of having a job. I guess that's asking too much at my age.
07-29-2006
09:45
It seems that at work a lot of people are quitting. The water cooler and rumor mill are reporting that since the current General Manager started working, not only has the work environment become extremely strict, but people have been quitting left and right. A total of about ten people at the least have left for one reason or another. While some may not be directly connected to the General Manager, it still will not look very good on him should the higher up people review his preformance at our location. Then there is the missing merchindise mystery and the fact that we are loosing money and points on sales and quality check ups.
This leads to every work day being understaff. Recently, I had to usher the entire morning by myself. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it was on Father's Day.
To add to this employee crisis is the fact that the school year is starting up. While some people are still in high school, the majority of the kids working are going off to college. A memo in the break room said that management cannot give school leave to everyone. In fact, the rumor is that only the people they think will come back will get school leave requests granted to them. What does this mean? Some people may have to quit just so they can go to school. While this is not a big deal for the ones leaving, once again, this isn't going to look very nicely on the General Manager's resume.
Am I concerned about his overall performance? Not really. Hell, I've had dreams recently where the theatre shut down for one reason or another. (None of which will come true.) If anything should happen out of this, it could be that the old General Manager that everyone said they loved and liked to work under would return to her original post. At the very least a new manager would come along to pick the place back up to where it once was. At the worst? They shut down Regal Green Hill 16 due to loss in revinue.
07-29-2006
21:21
Today at work, I had a very anti-climatic event happen. After telling it to so many people, writing about it would be rather difficult to do, as most of the emotion is dead and gone. But here's what happen anyway.
Around 16:20, in the middle of our rush at concession, a man came in and ordered an unusual order. Basically, he wanted a combo but wanted water in the medium cup instead of the bottle water we sell. In such case, we had to charge him for the cup. It's an inventory thing. All was going well until the person next to me finished.
The man walked off with his food allegibly not paying for it. Well, this caused him to get pissed off and he started dropping curse words left and right. After about five F-bombs, the young black man next to me said he would call his manager about the ordeal. After rounding the corner, the customer, who is white, said (and I quote) "You better get to work instead of smoking crack back there." A racist comment at it's finest. Then after a few more F-bombs, the man then said (again, quoted) "Tell your fucking managers to go fucking find me!"
And with that, the angry white man made a rush to the theatre hallway.
Later, upon reviewing the video tape, it turned out that a mistake was made on the part of my co-worker. In the middle of the rush, he apparently forgot that the man did in fact pay for his food already. My guess is that due to the complicated nature of his order, my co-worker probably just lost track of what he was doing.
This on his fifth day at work. Can't say that I haven't had a similar thing happen to me.
08-01-2006
The Last Entry... For Now
This past Sunday, a manager offended me. The blunt end of the matter is that she blamed me for something that she did. But that's the short story. The long story goes like this.
I was opening the concession stand when she came out to open my till. She asked if there was two people behind the counter. I told her that there wasn't; it was only me so far. After getting my bank into my register, I went about taking stock. I then submitted to this same manager my list of things I need. She hands me the key to the stock room, to which I automatically assume that means she wants me to get the stuff myself. As luck would have it, I get lost in the stock room, having no idea where any of the items I need are located. Half an hour goes buy and apparently a few customers are wondering what the hell is going on. The concession stand is open, but there is nobody back there! Why? Because I'm trying to find the salt that they want for their popcorn by myself. Naturally, I had no clue this was going on until someone came banging on the door of the stock room. I look out the door just in time to see another door swing close. I go out into the main lobby only to have a co-worker tell me that my manager is over behind the counter. I look, and she commands me to get back there. So I go about my normal concession business, which at this point involves apologizing to the customer for lack of salt for them to use. In the middle of this, the very same manager comes up and says to me "Next time, tell me that you are the only one up here when you need something."
What the fuck?! No more than half an hour before she asked me! As a manager, she should have known that right off the bat and should have got my stock for me so that what happen didn't happen!
Well, needless to say, that burned me up for the rest of the day. I was brought back to the level where I was ready to quit then and there. Several rushes go by and even my lunch break came and went, but nothing cooled me down. In the end, I talked to the General Manager about this matter.
Turns out, according to the General Manager, that particular manager is on thin ice. Apparently, she's either doing things that are unneccissary or is generally pissing off the other employees. Either way, the General Manager didn't sound too happy when I reported my issue with her.
Now on to the computer. With Best Buy moving to a new location, it appears that my time is slowly coming to a head. My sister and her laptop will be leaving in about a week, and if the computer isn't fixed by then, I don't have to tell you what will happen after that.
Naturally, we are looking into newer models as a replacement. The gamer side of me, however, wants something that can at least run SPORE when it comes out with maybe the Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 series at a good speed as well. Mom just wants something that can run internet and TurboTax. We both want the computer for ourselves for one reason or another. At the same time, we both want a good deal.
Unfortunately, I'm still in the market for a Mac that runs the programs I discovered I was so good at over the last semester. My summer goal, one that I gave up, resurfacing again. Mom has been trying to bait me into a deal that my sister already has going for her with the laptop. Mom pays, I pay back Mom whenever I work. Simple plan for those that want immediate gradification.
Honestly, I would get more gradification from buying my own computer with that summer job money. It's kind of like when I bought the Playstation with the money I saved back in high school. There's just something that feels good about dropping big cash like that on a purchase that you've been looking forward to for one reason or another.
For now, however, this will probably be the last chance I get at recording my thoughts. As such, I've decided to publish this post. My sister's laptop (much like the computers at the school) don't really like how Blogger does it's spell checking for one reason or another, so apologies for all the spelling mistakes you had to endure getting here. It seems what little time I have on the computer after next week will be devoted to papers and research rather than e-mail and cyber socializing.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
The End to a Fool's Writings?
I've been expecting this sort of thing to eventually be e-mailed to me, or at the very least be left behind in the comments area (which was a useless attempt at getting outside feedback as a public forum. Apparently, whoever reads this regularly doesn't want their opinions known to the entire world, and with good reason I'm sure.).
Several bouts of my ignorance have been cited and debunked (for lack of a better word) in a rather lengthy, very professional, letter I received this morning. In it, they noted my inexperience in everything I complain about. They also cite instances where I could have bettered myself, but obviously didn't due to fear and personal hang ups. My naive nature was obvious to me before, but this letter made it seem more like I have never grown up past the rose-colored days of year 10 by clearly telling me that my experience in Seattle was just a sick man's way of getting off through manipulating me.
Keep in mind that this wasn't insulting in any way. It was very professional to the point where there was little emotion displayed by the writer. If anything, more emotion was displayed on my end.
The letter goes on to say that how I'm not entirely a fool, just inexperienced. Quoting several proverbs, I felt like I was being told to either step up or shut up. I've been told this a few times, but mostly in the heat of arguments where feelings of mutual anger are at their most dangerous levels. With no emotion from the other end and with myself feeling like a puppy who was being scolded for pissing on the Chinese rug, those fortune cookie sayings had more impact than anything.
Which brings me to the main reason for posting this.
For a while now, the posts have been tapering to a slow halt. This isn't the first time, I'm sure, but it becoming more and more obvious that writing here, be it educated opinions or the foolish rants of inexperience, is becoming less and less frequent and more idiotic. While I may not be completely ignorant (and I'm very grateful that I'm not), I am still without any kind of right to talk or write about anything that a good majority of people if not the other 99% out there knows well enough about. I may not come off as a complete moronic fool, but I sure as hell feel like one.
I originally started this blog with the emotional intent of trying to figure out why I act the way I do, why I frustrate people, and why people generally don't like me after they get to really know me. Four years later, this e-mail comes around and tells me why. Even with the compliment at the end to try and give me (or the writer, I'm not sure) hope, I now see that I'm that guy that your mother always tells you to avoid even in the day light.
I'm taking the very long way of saying "I'm going to shut up now," so I'm just going to stop right now before this ends up to be another foolish rant. If this ever updates again, it probably won't be any time soon.
Several bouts of my ignorance have been cited and debunked (for lack of a better word) in a rather lengthy, very professional, letter I received this morning. In it, they noted my inexperience in everything I complain about. They also cite instances where I could have bettered myself, but obviously didn't due to fear and personal hang ups. My naive nature was obvious to me before, but this letter made it seem more like I have never grown up past the rose-colored days of year 10 by clearly telling me that my experience in Seattle was just a sick man's way of getting off through manipulating me.
Keep in mind that this wasn't insulting in any way. It was very professional to the point where there was little emotion displayed by the writer. If anything, more emotion was displayed on my end.
The letter goes on to say that how I'm not entirely a fool, just inexperienced. Quoting several proverbs, I felt like I was being told to either step up or shut up. I've been told this a few times, but mostly in the heat of arguments where feelings of mutual anger are at their most dangerous levels. With no emotion from the other end and with myself feeling like a puppy who was being scolded for pissing on the Chinese rug, those fortune cookie sayings had more impact than anything.
Which brings me to the main reason for posting this.
For a while now, the posts have been tapering to a slow halt. This isn't the first time, I'm sure, but it becoming more and more obvious that writing here, be it educated opinions or the foolish rants of inexperience, is becoming less and less frequent and more idiotic. While I may not be completely ignorant (and I'm very grateful that I'm not), I am still without any kind of right to talk or write about anything that a good majority of people if not the other 99% out there knows well enough about. I may not come off as a complete moronic fool, but I sure as hell feel like one.
I originally started this blog with the emotional intent of trying to figure out why I act the way I do, why I frustrate people, and why people generally don't like me after they get to really know me. Four years later, this e-mail comes around and tells me why. Even with the compliment at the end to try and give me (or the writer, I'm not sure) hope, I now see that I'm that guy that your mother always tells you to avoid even in the day light.
I'm taking the very long way of saying "I'm going to shut up now," so I'm just going to stop right now before this ends up to be another foolish rant. If this ever updates again, it probably won't be any time soon.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"Every flower blooms at its own time."
I've been e-mailing this guy for a while now, and recently something has come up that makes me a bit pissed off. Mostly because of the sense of conformity that it's caused.
Given his age (early 30's), he is embarrassed that he lives at home. He's tried, like myself, to get out in the world and stay financially secure as best as any middle-class American can. But, like myself, he's ended up back in a place that is not only unnuturing for his growth as a person but a place where he generally hates being stuck in. Unlike me, however, he's done this process several times. I only did it once. I'm easy to defeat. He isn't.
But he's starting to get tired of the ordeal. His last e-mail makes me worried. It sounds a bit like he is wishing for that quick fix to help him get out of the debt hole everyone finds themselves in at one point in their lives. Then again, who wouldn't? That's why radio stations always have those kind of "we'll pay of your debt" contests.
The thing is, he shouldn't be embarrassed by it or feel ashamed when he's forced to admit it. I don't know where society got off on this, but saying you are 30 and living at home is not a bad thing given the situation. There is no law saying that everyone has to move out at 25 or even at 22. There is no law saying that everyone must have a job at 18. There is no law saying you can't move back in with your parents at 30 even if you are financially unable to support yourself. And yet we do have this "laws." They are unwritten laws of society, and anyone that doesn't abide by them is seen as a loser not worth dating.
Who came up with this shit? That's like asking a super model if she ever stripped before and telling her to stick to answering only with the words "Yes" or "No." You don't know the situation that lead up to the choice. It can be justified even if you yourself think the profression isn't. But there is this high chance that the public won't let you get even that far into the door. It's been my experience that the moment you mention anything that the other doesn't like, they more than likely not like you because of it. If they don't end up not liking you, then there is the chance that they will also think less of you due to your inability of being able to do what is suppose to be a simple task.
These simple tasks and abilities are often taken for granted. Take driving for example. The day you learn how to drive, you get a new found sense of independence for about a day. Then you get into your first wreck, or you have to drive your friend to point A because you are on the way past there so you might as well car pool. Or, when you move out, you find out that you can only fit so much into your car without the need to spend more money on a moving van or even a hitch trailer. By this time, driving as an ability is taken for granted. The joy and sense of freedom is lost due to the repeative and mundane act of driving. When you think about it, what is driving? Pushing a pedal down so some gas can be put inside of a chamber to explode so another piece of machinery can make the wheels go around. The average teenager is learning how to push a pedal so the car can do all the work and turn a wheel so the car knows what way to crash into.
Jobs are the same way. They say you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job (or so says the old proverb). I say, you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job and then lose it like I did. Once you have no source of steady income, you start becoming budget conscious. That's when you start to realize what the true value of a dollar is in society, as well as establish that fear of debt and the paranoia of not being able to pay it off over the course of your life. After all, the last thing anyone wants to do is go to the grave with red numbers on their records.
In nature, any animal that can't defend themselves without their parents is more often than not killed and turned into fodder by someone higher up on the food chain. Thankfully, humans don't have that going for them (granted we are one of the few species on the planet does attack their own species). Had we not socially evolved to this point, people like my friend and myself would be dead by now simply because we can't survive outside of the home. This isn't a bad thing. It's no different than the 12-year-old who still has training wheels on their bike because their equilibrium isn't there yet.
People develop at different times than other people. Unfortunately, it will take a long time for other people to realize this, as some have realized this before most of society. Ironic when you think about it.
Given his age (early 30's), he is embarrassed that he lives at home. He's tried, like myself, to get out in the world and stay financially secure as best as any middle-class American can. But, like myself, he's ended up back in a place that is not only unnuturing for his growth as a person but a place where he generally hates being stuck in. Unlike me, however, he's done this process several times. I only did it once. I'm easy to defeat. He isn't.
But he's starting to get tired of the ordeal. His last e-mail makes me worried. It sounds a bit like he is wishing for that quick fix to help him get out of the debt hole everyone finds themselves in at one point in their lives. Then again, who wouldn't? That's why radio stations always have those kind of "we'll pay of your debt" contests.
The thing is, he shouldn't be embarrassed by it or feel ashamed when he's forced to admit it. I don't know where society got off on this, but saying you are 30 and living at home is not a bad thing given the situation. There is no law saying that everyone has to move out at 25 or even at 22. There is no law saying that everyone must have a job at 18. There is no law saying you can't move back in with your parents at 30 even if you are financially unable to support yourself. And yet we do have this "laws." They are unwritten laws of society, and anyone that doesn't abide by them is seen as a loser not worth dating.
Who came up with this shit? That's like asking a super model if she ever stripped before and telling her to stick to answering only with the words "Yes" or "No." You don't know the situation that lead up to the choice. It can be justified even if you yourself think the profression isn't. But there is this high chance that the public won't let you get even that far into the door. It's been my experience that the moment you mention anything that the other doesn't like, they more than likely not like you because of it. If they don't end up not liking you, then there is the chance that they will also think less of you due to your inability of being able to do what is suppose to be a simple task.
These simple tasks and abilities are often taken for granted. Take driving for example. The day you learn how to drive, you get a new found sense of independence for about a day. Then you get into your first wreck, or you have to drive your friend to point A because you are on the way past there so you might as well car pool. Or, when you move out, you find out that you can only fit so much into your car without the need to spend more money on a moving van or even a hitch trailer. By this time, driving as an ability is taken for granted. The joy and sense of freedom is lost due to the repeative and mundane act of driving. When you think about it, what is driving? Pushing a pedal down so some gas can be put inside of a chamber to explode so another piece of machinery can make the wheels go around. The average teenager is learning how to push a pedal so the car can do all the work and turn a wheel so the car knows what way to crash into.
Jobs are the same way. They say you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job (or so says the old proverb). I say, you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job and then lose it like I did. Once you have no source of steady income, you start becoming budget conscious. That's when you start to realize what the true value of a dollar is in society, as well as establish that fear of debt and the paranoia of not being able to pay it off over the course of your life. After all, the last thing anyone wants to do is go to the grave with red numbers on their records.
In nature, any animal that can't defend themselves without their parents is more often than not killed and turned into fodder by someone higher up on the food chain. Thankfully, humans don't have that going for them (granted we are one of the few species on the planet does attack their own species). Had we not socially evolved to this point, people like my friend and myself would be dead by now simply because we can't survive outside of the home. This isn't a bad thing. It's no different than the 12-year-old who still has training wheels on their bike because their equilibrium isn't there yet.
People develop at different times than other people. Unfortunately, it will take a long time for other people to realize this, as some have realized this before most of society. Ironic when you think about it.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Philosophical Musing of Uselessness
It has become more and more apparent that there is a cycle to how some people do things. A cycle which can be cruel or not depending on the task at hand. I'm talking of course about the fact that most everything we do involves some kind of time waiting. Waiting for a bus, waiting for a time slot to roll around, or waiting on a DVD to finish burning. It seems we are all always waiting on something.
The cycle starts when we initialize the action. We come up with an idea, share it, sketch it out in our notebooks (be them in our heads or in actual notebooks), and then we attempt to produce the idea into reality.
The process then goes into the waiting phase. We wait on financial backing for the idea or we wait on the product to pop out in its finished form.
We then enter in another waiting stage which is variable depending on how we present the object. Here, we try to make people believe that what we are producing is the greatest thing of all time and that everyone should have at least two in their own home. In the commercial sense, that is. This phase of waiting can be applied in a variety of fashions from waiting on results back from a loan review to even waiting on something as trivial as for someone to sign on your favorite internet messaging system.
And then the results come in. They are either what we want or what we don't want. That isn't up to us to decide in the end, although some would argue that we can determine how to change it into the results we want. Then what happens?
We wait some more while we either come up with a new idea or make money off the one that was sold to the masses. We wait through the summer until the new school year starts, sometimes doing nothing if we can get away with it. We wait until someone calls us back for another job interview because they liked our applications. We wait for opportunity even though we say that opportunity waits for no one.
We are always in the wings. We can be and more often than not are doing something else while we are waiting, but nevertheless, we are always waiting for something. We only think we are not because we make ourselves busy by doing other things.
Now, there are others out there that are all about taking action and not waiting but doing something. Even the most persistent of activists are waiting for a result, waiting on a change if not demanding it. What makes them any better than the average person that does nothing but wait? Is it because they get their results quicker?
Their results do not come quicker than any other person's attempt to change the world. It just looks like they are. The activists may come off as impatient given my view, but they are more of a catalyst than someone who is impatient. They rush results, sometimes poorly. And rushed changes can result in conflicts as seen from all the revolutions that happened before my typing this entry. Some minor, some major, and others biblical.
Still, there are some out there waiting for a change that we only believe has already happened. There are some that believe we have failed in all past revolutions and other social changes, waiting for people to wake up and realize this truth. You can find this in all the satire we see daily in the newspaper cartoons.
All that being said, most people are waiting for something positive to happen like the second coming or something awesome like that. Frankly, I'm just waiting for our race to go the way of the dinosaurs. Given our current state, I won't have to wait very long.
The cycle starts when we initialize the action. We come up with an idea, share it, sketch it out in our notebooks (be them in our heads or in actual notebooks), and then we attempt to produce the idea into reality.
The process then goes into the waiting phase. We wait on financial backing for the idea or we wait on the product to pop out in its finished form.
We then enter in another waiting stage which is variable depending on how we present the object. Here, we try to make people believe that what we are producing is the greatest thing of all time and that everyone should have at least two in their own home. In the commercial sense, that is. This phase of waiting can be applied in a variety of fashions from waiting on results back from a loan review to even waiting on something as trivial as for someone to sign on your favorite internet messaging system.
And then the results come in. They are either what we want or what we don't want. That isn't up to us to decide in the end, although some would argue that we can determine how to change it into the results we want. Then what happens?
We wait some more while we either come up with a new idea or make money off the one that was sold to the masses. We wait through the summer until the new school year starts, sometimes doing nothing if we can get away with it. We wait until someone calls us back for another job interview because they liked our applications. We wait for opportunity even though we say that opportunity waits for no one.
We are always in the wings. We can be and more often than not are doing something else while we are waiting, but nevertheless, we are always waiting for something. We only think we are not because we make ourselves busy by doing other things.
Now, there are others out there that are all about taking action and not waiting but doing something. Even the most persistent of activists are waiting for a result, waiting on a change if not demanding it. What makes them any better than the average person that does nothing but wait? Is it because they get their results quicker?
Their results do not come quicker than any other person's attempt to change the world. It just looks like they are. The activists may come off as impatient given my view, but they are more of a catalyst than someone who is impatient. They rush results, sometimes poorly. And rushed changes can result in conflicts as seen from all the revolutions that happened before my typing this entry. Some minor, some major, and others biblical.
Still, there are some out there waiting for a change that we only believe has already happened. There are some that believe we have failed in all past revolutions and other social changes, waiting for people to wake up and realize this truth. You can find this in all the satire we see daily in the newspaper cartoons.
All that being said, most people are waiting for something positive to happen like the second coming or something awesome like that. Frankly, I'm just waiting for our race to go the way of the dinosaurs. Given our current state, I won't have to wait very long.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Another Emo Post
It's been a while since I last had a whiny post, but I think this morning warrents it.
Last night, I noticed that I was talking too much. I also found myself saying and acting in a way I don't normally do. Something apparently snapped. The social isolation and alienation made me go mad during the conversation.
This morning, a very honest student confided in me that I weird people out. This isn't the first time I've been told this. This isn't also the first time that people suggest that I try and change that.
This isn't the first time I've also said the same thing I've been saying about trying as hard as I could but am unable to change certain aspect of my personality. Nobody believes me.
Humans can change. We are kind of programed to do so. But when we are too much of an individual, we end up becoming weird. To be normal, you have to be unique enough to still be different but conform enough to be the same. It's strange to have a point where we have to stop the change because changing too much is a bad thing.
Another mindless rambling.
Another emo post.
Another bit of my angst trying to get out before it comes out in a bad way.
The fact that I weird people out is something I've accepted, mostly because I've gotten used to the lack of interest in going out and making friends despite this want to socialize. I know, it's not healthy, but knowing how I act around people I'm comfortable with in a private setting? It's probably for the best. Unfortunately, I can't change what people think of me even if I change my more frowned upon characteristics. Someone is always going to be weirded out by me.
Last night, I noticed that I was talking too much. I also found myself saying and acting in a way I don't normally do. Something apparently snapped. The social isolation and alienation made me go mad during the conversation.
This morning, a very honest student confided in me that I weird people out. This isn't the first time I've been told this. This isn't also the first time that people suggest that I try and change that.
This isn't the first time I've also said the same thing I've been saying about trying as hard as I could but am unable to change certain aspect of my personality. Nobody believes me.
Humans can change. We are kind of programed to do so. But when we are too much of an individual, we end up becoming weird. To be normal, you have to be unique enough to still be different but conform enough to be the same. It's strange to have a point where we have to stop the change because changing too much is a bad thing.
Another mindless rambling.
Another emo post.
Another bit of my angst trying to get out before it comes out in a bad way.
The fact that I weird people out is something I've accepted, mostly because I've gotten used to the lack of interest in going out and making friends despite this want to socialize. I know, it's not healthy, but knowing how I act around people I'm comfortable with in a private setting? It's probably for the best. Unfortunately, I can't change what people think of me even if I change my more frowned upon characteristics. Someone is always going to be weirded out by me.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Home Pages and the Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
I originally wrote this for an assignment, but at the end of it, I asked some questions that I think would warrant a pretty interesting batch of feedback. I thought I'd post it here to see if I haven't falling into complete obscurity in a world of global out reach. I encourage people that find this entry to leave a comment no matter how ignorant it may be. After all, simplest response is often the most intelligent.
Web sites and home pages are no different than the television programs we see today. They are part of an "information game" in which the viewer receives information and then has to process it. This information can range from anything from politics to popular culture to propaganda.
What makes the web different from television is the interactivity of the content found in web-based productions. The viewer can not only receive information, but can also produce it. Communication of information on the web is more like a telephone in that it is presented on a two-way road. While one person can use elements of propaganda on their home page, thereby manipulating the information received, another can link to that home page causing a growth or even death of the culture. This interactivity is more engaging than the passive one-way flow of information that television presents. In short, everyone has an opinion and can express it in a way that is uninhibited by massive corporations and most democratic governments.
However, much like television, this level of interactive production is limited only to a certain demographic despite the global implication of publishing on the web. A user is going to get only so-many hits, and most probably won’t be from the other side of the planet. The fact that a home page is potentially available to the world, however, does present us with a way to extend ourselves beyond wherever we live. This indirectly created a sense of production quality, where the more professional the home page appears, the more validated it is received as an information source. The tools are available for this relatively freely. It is how well they are used that determines how valid the home page and the person producing it is at presenting the information.
We are the builders of a new form of cultural identity found within a world of transgendered anonymity where even the English language is a minority.
Questions
- Is it possible for even the most valid-looking propaganda-driven home page to be ignored or seen as complete farce given its level of professional aesthetic?
- What happens to the person who is only known by the screen name they have chosen on the web with the level of anonymity the web offers? In other words, do we hate the person behind the screen name or do we hate the screen name?
- If the web is the essence of cultural production, then why are some governments trying to inhibit what can and can’t be seen and interacted with by users? Are some governments inhibiting cultural growth by censoring the web and its content?
Friday, April 07, 2006
Brokeback Mountain and Fake Love
I read recently that Hollywood loves to produce this thing called fake love. They present this ideal romantic setting that everyone wants to fall into. It's what makes actors sometimes. After all, when you are good looking as some of the actors these days, how can you not fall in love when they start showing that men can be just as sensitive as women want them to be?
I just finished watching Brokeback Mountain for the first time. I bought the DVD the day it came out, but didn't have the time until this evening. The movie ended about at midnight, and I found myself denied something. What was I denied? The idea of romance.
Ever since the movie came out in theatres, it has been built up as this true-to-life gay love story. There are no rose lens covering the cameras. The film tried to be as honest and as contemporary as it can be. It succeeded.
It also made me question my idea of this thing called love. I stumbled upon a National Geographic article earlier this year talking about how love is no different than any other chemical imbalance that triggers things like ADD and OCD. Yet, thanks to Hollywood, we think love is this magical moment where we find someone and time stops. Once that happens, that's it. You are destine to be together until you either divorce or die.
And it's suppose to be magical. But chances are, it rarely is.
The divorce rate in America sums it up nicely. There is no such thing as love. Love is just something we make up to blind us into thinking that we like someone we are attracted to when all we want is either sex or companionship. We claim to make families out of love, but in reality, we are just fulfilling our biological programming. That is, those of us that are not programmed to thin out the herd. But even those of us that are, for us there is no such thing as love either.
The only love that is real is, ironically, the fake love that is shown in movies. It is real because the actors and actresses make it real. They give us what we can never have. Why? Because that is their job. To perform our dreams and our stories for us because we can't live them ourselves.
Is there love out there? No. Is there attachment to another person? Yes. So much so that some of us solidify that obsession by getting married. Right now, I am starting to believe that marriage is no different than having to wash your hands fifty times a day just because you have to.
This film, much like most truths, was a bitter pill to swallow. I didn't take away what most of the reviews took away from the film, about how this is a step forward into opening the country's eyes into the fact that we are human no matter who we fall in love with. What I took away from this film is worlds different than most.
Brokeback Mountain taught me that it doesn't matter what sexuality you are. There is no such thing as love. Period.
I just finished watching Brokeback Mountain for the first time. I bought the DVD the day it came out, but didn't have the time until this evening. The movie ended about at midnight, and I found myself denied something. What was I denied? The idea of romance.
Ever since the movie came out in theatres, it has been built up as this true-to-life gay love story. There are no rose lens covering the cameras. The film tried to be as honest and as contemporary as it can be. It succeeded.
It also made me question my idea of this thing called love. I stumbled upon a National Geographic article earlier this year talking about how love is no different than any other chemical imbalance that triggers things like ADD and OCD. Yet, thanks to Hollywood, we think love is this magical moment where we find someone and time stops. Once that happens, that's it. You are destine to be together until you either divorce or die.
And it's suppose to be magical. But chances are, it rarely is.
The divorce rate in America sums it up nicely. There is no such thing as love. Love is just something we make up to blind us into thinking that we like someone we are attracted to when all we want is either sex or companionship. We claim to make families out of love, but in reality, we are just fulfilling our biological programming. That is, those of us that are not programmed to thin out the herd. But even those of us that are, for us there is no such thing as love either.
The only love that is real is, ironically, the fake love that is shown in movies. It is real because the actors and actresses make it real. They give us what we can never have. Why? Because that is their job. To perform our dreams and our stories for us because we can't live them ourselves.
Is there love out there? No. Is there attachment to another person? Yes. So much so that some of us solidify that obsession by getting married. Right now, I am starting to believe that marriage is no different than having to wash your hands fifty times a day just because you have to.
This film, much like most truths, was a bitter pill to swallow. I didn't take away what most of the reviews took away from the film, about how this is a step forward into opening the country's eyes into the fact that we are human no matter who we fall in love with. What I took away from this film is worlds different than most.
Brokeback Mountain taught me that it doesn't matter what sexuality you are. There is no such thing as love. Period.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Trying to Pursued Myself
I wrote this for a Time Base Media assignment, but ultimately never got to use it because of character limits and the inability to read it as it flashed across the screen. And so, I share the text with the world now.
Yeah, I know. I should practice what I preach.
A lot of people are telling me that I should stop comparing myself to other people. They tell me that this is the cause for several moments of self defeat. In all reality, you can't stop being compared to other people even if you yourself don't do this.Unfortunately for me, old habits die harder than new ones. That being said, the first thing I did while viewing my peers work for the class was compare mine to theirs.
When looking for a job, you are going to be in competition with other people who are looking for the same job. As confident as you are that your resume is what they want to see, there is a chance that there is someone out there that is better than you. The employer will no doubt notice this and hire said better person. However, the reverse is also true. You can be the best person that they have in their stack of applications, but they won't hire you. Why? Because you are over qualified for the job.
In this example and in other examples like this, you are still in competition with other people, and you are still being compared to other people. That being said, what are the benefits of not comparing yourself to other people in this society?
One benefit of not comparing yourself to anyone else is that you open yourself up to a realm of purity unhindered by some intangible bar of standards. You can say what you want, do what you want, and act like you want without anyone telling you otherwise. Psychologically, this could lead to a healthier and happier state of mind. In other words, that state of being that has escaped most adults after they start having worries, which is some time in everyone's childhood when something like a deadline is asked from a teacher for a simple piece of homework.
The other benefit to not comparing yourself to anyone is that everything you do is new and exciting, even if someone has done or is doing the exact same thing in one fashion or another. In most projects, be them artistic or even corporate, this causes engagement if not a sense of commitment that is only changed when someone starts thinking about what the other person is doing. With this in mind, comparing your product to the product of your peers will ultimately cause one of two things.
The first of these two is the drive to be better than whom you are comparing yourself to. Being better normally means that you set the bar of standards for everyone else to live by (although not always, as displayed by the example of the overqualified worker). The only down side to this is once you have set that bar for everyone, there will be others that want to pass even that bar. Case and point, the Olympic and World Records of human achievements. Each record is a comparison of people to other people, and each individual record changes whenever someone sees the bar and is driven to go past it. This is the positive benefit to comparing yourself to other people.
The second result of comparing your product to other people is that of inhibiting production. A person will see the bar of expectation and may get discouraged, if not angry and frustrated, by the fact that there is a better product out there. Inventors have to deal with this very often, as someone some where has already invented and beaten the others to the punch with the same idea. Because of this, those that believe originality and innovation is the key to setting the standards often give up, as the novelty of the product has already been introduced into the marketplace. This negative result can only be canceled out by the first result, in which comparing yourself to other results in a drive to become better even if the idea or product is unoriginal, thereby creating what is known as "the new spin."
The key factor in deciding which of these two paths happen depends on the person. In both cases, those that don't compare themselves to anyone are able to work and produce uninhibited by originality or standards. The only definite time for comparison comes when that product is finished. If said person wishes for that product to be on public display, then a path must be picked as to the fate of the product itself and, in turn, the person. From there, the determining factor as to which of the two paths a person picks is strictly psychological. If the product was not meant for the public, then everything I have said and will say about comparison is considered null and void.
It's rather difficult to escape public exposure, as even the most private of things often end up finding their way into the public arena. So, for the sake of argument, let's assume that the product that everyone produces is automatically going to be displayed in public. Once in the eyes of the public, is it then just as difficult to avoid being compared to everyone else.
The public has a tendency to compare everything to everything else in the realm of general knowledge. Television is a good example of this, as individual program ratings will determine which of the many crime scene investigation shows gets another season and which ones gets cancelled. The public also determines which books sell, which movies get a sequel, and even what brand of toilet paper the local drug store should sell. And they all decide this by comparing everything to everything else. The system of comparison varies from group to group, but the overall idea is this: If it is better and/or cheaper than what is out there now, then that's the one to go with.
This style of comparison may seen as exclusive to the commercial or entertainment markets, but it applies to everything else as well. Someone always is comparing something to something else. The employer is comparing applications for a position he or she needs filled to see who is the more qualified; art buyers are comparing this work to that work to determine which is more engaging to the viewer if not to see if it falls into their personal taste; sport teams and individual athletes review recorded plays of their competition to better prepare themselves in an effort to come out on top; politicians are compared to the ones that came before them or are working along side with them, which ends up determining their public appeal and approval as far as what their actions' effect on the public. We, as the public, even compare culture and religion to each other, mostly to single out the differences between what it is that makes us individuals. But is doing so a bad thing?
Comparing one thing to another is a bad thing depending on what is being compared and why. For example, a criminal is labeled as the worst person since the last criminal with the same title. Barring if said criminal gets the death sentence or not, this comparison is detrimental to the indiviual's overall reputation. He is the meanest of the mean until someone comes along that is meaner than him. This means that there is someone out there that could be worse than the worst person you can think of right now. In this case, one has to hope that nobody wants the title of "Worst Criminal in the World" and is inhibited by that intangible bar.
However, being told that you are the worst at something can cause the positive result to come out. Being told that you are the worst student in the class could cause one to strive to be better and actually meet the standards expected from the class. In this sense, comparing yourself to others is a good thing, as it helps you figure out where you stand in the invisible ranking system of the world. In other words, it isn't so much your fault as it is the fault of the ranking system to determine who is better than you and who you are better than. This is the problem with comparing yourself with other people.
The problem with comparing yourself with others isn't if it is good or bad. It should be obvious that the idea of the action being good or bad is contextual. The problem is with who sets the bar. With national records and Olympic records, the people that set the bar are the ones that have achieved it and have documented proof of such achievement. In matters of public opinion such as which television show is better, the bar is set by the majority. That bar is always in flux. One month reality shows are the big ratings winner, and then the next month the winner are the crime shows. When comparing yourself to others, you set the bar.
So, now that we have figure out who sets the bar of standards, another question comes out: how high do you set that bar for yourself? Again, this is contextual based on the individual. An athlete may have a rival whom he or she wishes to beat out in one fashion or another. Normally, this rival is better than said athlete and continues to get better until the athlete beats the rival, during which the roles are reversed. So what happens to the rival? Well, let's pretend that this rival knows that there is someone better now out there, but is unable to pass the newly set bar. He or she does have the drive to attempt to beat out their new rival and quits, seeing as the goal as an impossibility. The athlete's bar set by themselves is to be better than the rest, but the rival knows that no amount of training can get him past the new standard and expectation. Two individuals in the same field with different personalities entirely.
In retrospect, this entire time I've been comparing the good and the bad of comparing one's self to another. And in a strange twist of irony, I have yet to figure out if even comparing those two together is a good or bad thing in itself. After all, the only way to determine what is good and what is bad is either by public or personal opinion. The majority or the individual has the choice of saying what is good and what is bad through nothing but pure comparison.
That being said, the only way I can determine if comparing myself to other people is a good thing or a bad thing is to know where my own personal bar of standards is set for what it is that I want to do. However, before that, I must determine if I even care about what the other person is doing in the same field of interest. If I do care, I have to set a bar. If I don't care, I can choose to set a bar or not depending on my own individual idiosyncrasies. After figuring out if there is even a bar set, I have to ask myself several questions. Chef among the questions is this: do I personally think I can reach if not pass the bar that I set for myself? If not, do I lower the bar? Would lowering the bar be a bad thing in itself when compared to keeping it where I set it in the first place?
The last question is where the self-defeating nature comes in when you compare yourself to others. And again, another comparison comes into play as to if it is a good thing or a bad thing to lower your bar of standards for yourself. At best, this is determined by what other people think of you as a person. For someone seen by other people as not worth their weight in salt, lowering your expectations as to what you are able to do may be seen as being realistic. For someone seen by others as a great person with equally great potential, lowering the bar is a bad thing, as essentially you are denying what people think so highly of you as a person.
But what happens if you don't care about what people think? You ultimately don't have anyone telling you what is good and what is bad for you. Without even that basic comparison, you end up not having to compare anything to anything else. If nobody else's opinion matters, then the only logical choice as to whose opinion does matter falls on yourself. Ultimately, this means that you get to choose what is good and what is bad, not for the world, but for yourself.
So for me, do I consider comparing myself to other people a good or bad thing? Given everything I've said without going into my own personal idiosyncrasies, I've come to this conclusion. The people that have been telling me this for years are right. I really should stop comparing myself to other people.
Yeah, I know. I should practice what I preach.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
The Obligation of the Artist to the General Public
Most of the artists today that are living and producing art are idiots. They are idiots because they continue to produce works for an audience whose vast majority will probably not even give two seconds of thought to what they see before them. Yet both idiots continue to interact indirectly with each other as one continues to produce while the other continues to mindlessly view the other’s product, both not explaining to the other why they continue to do so.
The argument can be made that art is not meant for the vast majority of the public. Contemporary art is meant for the socially elite and an artistically inclined intellectuals. In other words, art created for those that can understand then or at least appreciate them. An elite and social group that is outside the general public. And yet the major goal for most artists is to achieve some kind of gallery status.
The gallery is not some exclusive club where only a select few can view works of art. It is open to the general public in one fashion or another. As such, there is some level of obligation to the general public that every form of establishment has that is open to such a vast audience. Doctors have the obligation to explain as simply as possible their vast and often superior knowledge about the human body to someone that doesn’t understand why they suffered a heart attack at the age of forty-nine. Priests have the obligation to explain why Mary being a virgin is so important to the Christian faith. Even someone so low on the occupation latter like a cashier at MacDonald’s has an obligation to the customer on some level. Why? Because they are open to the general public.
Artists used to have an obligation to the public, but that was centuries ago when artists had some form of patronage. The artists of today have no such obligation to the public anymore. As such, their works get misinterpreted. With an audience where the majority thinks art is to look the way it did over a century ago, this should come as no surprise. It’s no different than how a writer choices to lay out the words on the page and what words to use. There is a target audience, but there also has to be an easy way into the piece. Most writers know this, otherwise they will alienate their audience before the first paragraph is even completed. Artists don’t supply that "easy in" as often.
This is the artist’s obligation to the public, to offer an "easy in" to the world of their higher thinking and use of symbolism. Without offering this to the general public, the viewer may be offended or just completely ignore the piece of work for one reason or another. Supplying that easy way in for a viewer that doesn’t know anything about modern art or the arts short of what they learned in public school. This is why landscapes in craft shows are appreciated more than an abstracted landscape in a gallery. The general public doesn’t have to think. They don’t want to think; they rather be told.
If art is a form of visual communication, then there is a way to trick people into thinking about the works. This is no different than posing a question in a classroom. The task is for the artist to figure out how to ask the question and aim it to a public that doesn’t like to think when they are not required to. This isn’t a lowering of high art; it’s merely supplying a door for the common denominator into that exclusive club that is high art.
The argument can be made that art is not meant for the vast majority of the public. Contemporary art is meant for the socially elite and an artistically inclined intellectuals. In other words, art created for those that can understand then or at least appreciate them. An elite and social group that is outside the general public. And yet the major goal for most artists is to achieve some kind of gallery status.
The gallery is not some exclusive club where only a select few can view works of art. It is open to the general public in one fashion or another. As such, there is some level of obligation to the general public that every form of establishment has that is open to such a vast audience. Doctors have the obligation to explain as simply as possible their vast and often superior knowledge about the human body to someone that doesn’t understand why they suffered a heart attack at the age of forty-nine. Priests have the obligation to explain why Mary being a virgin is so important to the Christian faith. Even someone so low on the occupation latter like a cashier at MacDonald’s has an obligation to the customer on some level. Why? Because they are open to the general public.
Artists used to have an obligation to the public, but that was centuries ago when artists had some form of patronage. The artists of today have no such obligation to the public anymore. As such, their works get misinterpreted. With an audience where the majority thinks art is to look the way it did over a century ago, this should come as no surprise. It’s no different than how a writer choices to lay out the words on the page and what words to use. There is a target audience, but there also has to be an easy way into the piece. Most writers know this, otherwise they will alienate their audience before the first paragraph is even completed. Artists don’t supply that "easy in" as often.
This is the artist’s obligation to the public, to offer an "easy in" to the world of their higher thinking and use of symbolism. Without offering this to the general public, the viewer may be offended or just completely ignore the piece of work for one reason or another. Supplying that easy way in for a viewer that doesn’t know anything about modern art or the arts short of what they learned in public school. This is why landscapes in craft shows are appreciated more than an abstracted landscape in a gallery. The general public doesn’t have to think. They don’t want to think; they rather be told.
If art is a form of visual communication, then there is a way to trick people into thinking about the works. This is no different than posing a question in a classroom. The task is for the artist to figure out how to ask the question and aim it to a public that doesn’t like to think when they are not required to. This isn’t a lowering of high art; it’s merely supplying a door for the common denominator into that exclusive club that is high art.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Stepping On and Stepped On
This morning, spawned from an idea for a performance piece that I won't do until I have the courage to display myself as such, my mind is settled upon the idea of this morbid and somewhat stupid thought.
It seems that more and more often, I'm witnessing how many time people get offended by certain things. Little things like laughing at violence in a movie where that subject is a serious matter. Big things like how a politician said this about this subject that causes this group of people to get pissed off. Stupid things like supplying negative feedback only to be seen as bitching rather than helping due to the displaying of your own ignorance through the negative feedback, however well constructive it may be. Even things that shouldn't even piss people off but do like theme park attractions and cartoons.
There is always something that offends someone that causes some kind of action. Verbal, physical, psychological, and even visual offences cause verbal, physical, psychological, and other forms of action that end up offending other people continuing the circle.
It's strange, because in the course of these, someone somewhere always says "I wish they would just die." Some even go so far as to try and kill the offender. But what does that cause but nothing more but even more offence? Immediate satisfaction leads to more problems, as what may be good for you is not good for everyone else around you. Conversely, what's good for the people around you may not be good for you, and so what then? What do you do in that situation?
There's a message board game I started on Gaia several months back called "What if." In it, we ask mostly stupid questions along the lines of what if this happened. The next person must answer it before asking another 'what if' to keep the game going. Two posts (a question and an answer) didn't make me chuckle or at least think of how stupid the two where. The question was What if the world was one nation? The answer? We'd be in a constant state of civil war.
It makes sense to me. Nobody can agree on anything; we all must compromise. Even then, our compromises cause so many other offenses directly or indirectly. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy offends the gay community because it is implying that the armed forces and even the country they serve don't want to protect homosexuals. Civil Right groups are probably just as upset as you and me that the KKK is still allowed to hold meetings and scout new members. What I write here pisses off a few people because they may read this as angsty writing from someone with the mental age of a teenager.
And to think, somewhere someone is foolishly wanting world peace. There's no way we can get that, and some of us know it. The world will always been at odds with itself. The environmentalists will always be against those that construct and pollute, who in turn will be against those that are pressing against them to stop giving jobs to foreign countries, who in turn are pissed because of the foreign influence coming in and destroying their tradition, which in turn is seen as pagan because it doesn't worship the same god as this religion over here. And so on and so on and so on.
Why can't we just leave people alone? Why do we, as social creatures, insist on making everything my way or the highway? Even when we don't, why do we try to come up with something that fails in the design to please everyone involved in the ordeal?
We offend each other because we can't find that balance. We probably don't even know what it is we need to balance, which may be beyond the obvious.
The only thing positive right now is that peace and compromise of any kind on any level, global or personal, cannot be achieved if with every new developing generation there is a fresh bed made for growing offences. That's why I'm offended when I see protesters taking their children to demonstrations when the child has no idea why their parents are protesting.
It seems that more and more often, I'm witnessing how many time people get offended by certain things. Little things like laughing at violence in a movie where that subject is a serious matter. Big things like how a politician said this about this subject that causes this group of people to get pissed off. Stupid things like supplying negative feedback only to be seen as bitching rather than helping due to the displaying of your own ignorance through the negative feedback, however well constructive it may be. Even things that shouldn't even piss people off but do like theme park attractions and cartoons.
There is always something that offends someone that causes some kind of action. Verbal, physical, psychological, and even visual offences cause verbal, physical, psychological, and other forms of action that end up offending other people continuing the circle.
It's strange, because in the course of these, someone somewhere always says "I wish they would just die." Some even go so far as to try and kill the offender. But what does that cause but nothing more but even more offence? Immediate satisfaction leads to more problems, as what may be good for you is not good for everyone else around you. Conversely, what's good for the people around you may not be good for you, and so what then? What do you do in that situation?
There's a message board game I started on Gaia several months back called "What if." In it, we ask mostly stupid questions along the lines of what if this happened. The next person must answer it before asking another 'what if' to keep the game going. Two posts (a question and an answer) didn't make me chuckle or at least think of how stupid the two where. The question was What if the world was one nation? The answer? We'd be in a constant state of civil war.
It makes sense to me. Nobody can agree on anything; we all must compromise. Even then, our compromises cause so many other offenses directly or indirectly. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy offends the gay community because it is implying that the armed forces and even the country they serve don't want to protect homosexuals. Civil Right groups are probably just as upset as you and me that the KKK is still allowed to hold meetings and scout new members. What I write here pisses off a few people because they may read this as angsty writing from someone with the mental age of a teenager.
And to think, somewhere someone is foolishly wanting world peace. There's no way we can get that, and some of us know it. The world will always been at odds with itself. The environmentalists will always be against those that construct and pollute, who in turn will be against those that are pressing against them to stop giving jobs to foreign countries, who in turn are pissed because of the foreign influence coming in and destroying their tradition, which in turn is seen as pagan because it doesn't worship the same god as this religion over here. And so on and so on and so on.
Why can't we just leave people alone? Why do we, as social creatures, insist on making everything my way or the highway? Even when we don't, why do we try to come up with something that fails in the design to please everyone involved in the ordeal?
We offend each other because we can't find that balance. We probably don't even know what it is we need to balance, which may be beyond the obvious.
The only thing positive right now is that peace and compromise of any kind on any level, global or personal, cannot be achieved if with every new developing generation there is a fresh bed made for growing offences. That's why I'm offended when I see protesters taking their children to demonstrations when the child has no idea why their parents are protesting.
