I've been expecting this sort of thing to eventually be e-mailed to me, or at the very least be left behind in the comments area (which was a useless attempt at getting outside feedback as a public forum. Apparently, whoever reads this regularly doesn't want their opinions known to the entire world, and with good reason I'm sure.).
Several bouts of my ignorance have been cited and debunked (for lack of a better word) in a rather lengthy, very professional, letter I received this morning. In it, they noted my inexperience in everything I complain about. They also cite instances where I could have bettered myself, but obviously didn't due to fear and personal hang ups. My naive nature was obvious to me before, but this letter made it seem more like I have never grown up past the rose-colored days of year 10 by clearly telling me that my experience in Seattle was just a sick man's way of getting off through manipulating me.
Keep in mind that this wasn't insulting in any way. It was very professional to the point where there was little emotion displayed by the writer. If anything, more emotion was displayed on my end.
The letter goes on to say that how I'm not entirely a fool, just inexperienced. Quoting several proverbs, I felt like I was being told to either step up or shut up. I've been told this a few times, but mostly in the heat of arguments where feelings of mutual anger are at their most dangerous levels. With no emotion from the other end and with myself feeling like a puppy who was being scolded for pissing on the Chinese rug, those fortune cookie sayings had more impact than anything.
Which brings me to the main reason for posting this.
For a while now, the posts have been tapering to a slow halt. This isn't the first time, I'm sure, but it becoming more and more obvious that writing here, be it educated opinions or the foolish rants of inexperience, is becoming less and less frequent and more idiotic. While I may not be completely ignorant (and I'm very grateful that I'm not), I am still without any kind of right to talk or write about anything that a good majority of people if not the other 99% out there knows well enough about. I may not come off as a complete moronic fool, but I sure as hell feel like one.
I originally started this blog with the emotional intent of trying to figure out why I act the way I do, why I frustrate people, and why people generally don't like me after they get to really know me. Four years later, this e-mail comes around and tells me why. Even with the compliment at the end to try and give me (or the writer, I'm not sure) hope, I now see that I'm that guy that your mother always tells you to avoid even in the day light.
I'm taking the very long way of saying "I'm going to shut up now," so I'm just going to stop right now before this ends up to be another foolish rant. If this ever updates again, it probably won't be any time soon.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"Every flower blooms at its own time."
I've been e-mailing this guy for a while now, and recently something has come up that makes me a bit pissed off. Mostly because of the sense of conformity that it's caused.
Given his age (early 30's), he is embarrassed that he lives at home. He's tried, like myself, to get out in the world and stay financially secure as best as any middle-class American can. But, like myself, he's ended up back in a place that is not only unnuturing for his growth as a person but a place where he generally hates being stuck in. Unlike me, however, he's done this process several times. I only did it once. I'm easy to defeat. He isn't.
But he's starting to get tired of the ordeal. His last e-mail makes me worried. It sounds a bit like he is wishing for that quick fix to help him get out of the debt hole everyone finds themselves in at one point in their lives. Then again, who wouldn't? That's why radio stations always have those kind of "we'll pay of your debt" contests.
The thing is, he shouldn't be embarrassed by it or feel ashamed when he's forced to admit it. I don't know where society got off on this, but saying you are 30 and living at home is not a bad thing given the situation. There is no law saying that everyone has to move out at 25 or even at 22. There is no law saying that everyone must have a job at 18. There is no law saying you can't move back in with your parents at 30 even if you are financially unable to support yourself. And yet we do have this "laws." They are unwritten laws of society, and anyone that doesn't abide by them is seen as a loser not worth dating.
Who came up with this shit? That's like asking a super model if she ever stripped before and telling her to stick to answering only with the words "Yes" or "No." You don't know the situation that lead up to the choice. It can be justified even if you yourself think the profression isn't. But there is this high chance that the public won't let you get even that far into the door. It's been my experience that the moment you mention anything that the other doesn't like, they more than likely not like you because of it. If they don't end up not liking you, then there is the chance that they will also think less of you due to your inability of being able to do what is suppose to be a simple task.
These simple tasks and abilities are often taken for granted. Take driving for example. The day you learn how to drive, you get a new found sense of independence for about a day. Then you get into your first wreck, or you have to drive your friend to point A because you are on the way past there so you might as well car pool. Or, when you move out, you find out that you can only fit so much into your car without the need to spend more money on a moving van or even a hitch trailer. By this time, driving as an ability is taken for granted. The joy and sense of freedom is lost due to the repeative and mundane act of driving. When you think about it, what is driving? Pushing a pedal down so some gas can be put inside of a chamber to explode so another piece of machinery can make the wheels go around. The average teenager is learning how to push a pedal so the car can do all the work and turn a wheel so the car knows what way to crash into.
Jobs are the same way. They say you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job (or so says the old proverb). I say, you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job and then lose it like I did. Once you have no source of steady income, you start becoming budget conscious. That's when you start to realize what the true value of a dollar is in society, as well as establish that fear of debt and the paranoia of not being able to pay it off over the course of your life. After all, the last thing anyone wants to do is go to the grave with red numbers on their records.
In nature, any animal that can't defend themselves without their parents is more often than not killed and turned into fodder by someone higher up on the food chain. Thankfully, humans don't have that going for them (granted we are one of the few species on the planet does attack their own species). Had we not socially evolved to this point, people like my friend and myself would be dead by now simply because we can't survive outside of the home. This isn't a bad thing. It's no different than the 12-year-old who still has training wheels on their bike because their equilibrium isn't there yet.
People develop at different times than other people. Unfortunately, it will take a long time for other people to realize this, as some have realized this before most of society. Ironic when you think about it.
Given his age (early 30's), he is embarrassed that he lives at home. He's tried, like myself, to get out in the world and stay financially secure as best as any middle-class American can. But, like myself, he's ended up back in a place that is not only unnuturing for his growth as a person but a place where he generally hates being stuck in. Unlike me, however, he's done this process several times. I only did it once. I'm easy to defeat. He isn't.
But he's starting to get tired of the ordeal. His last e-mail makes me worried. It sounds a bit like he is wishing for that quick fix to help him get out of the debt hole everyone finds themselves in at one point in their lives. Then again, who wouldn't? That's why radio stations always have those kind of "we'll pay of your debt" contests.
The thing is, he shouldn't be embarrassed by it or feel ashamed when he's forced to admit it. I don't know where society got off on this, but saying you are 30 and living at home is not a bad thing given the situation. There is no law saying that everyone has to move out at 25 or even at 22. There is no law saying that everyone must have a job at 18. There is no law saying you can't move back in with your parents at 30 even if you are financially unable to support yourself. And yet we do have this "laws." They are unwritten laws of society, and anyone that doesn't abide by them is seen as a loser not worth dating.
Who came up with this shit? That's like asking a super model if she ever stripped before and telling her to stick to answering only with the words "Yes" or "No." You don't know the situation that lead up to the choice. It can be justified even if you yourself think the profression isn't. But there is this high chance that the public won't let you get even that far into the door. It's been my experience that the moment you mention anything that the other doesn't like, they more than likely not like you because of it. If they don't end up not liking you, then there is the chance that they will also think less of you due to your inability of being able to do what is suppose to be a simple task.
These simple tasks and abilities are often taken for granted. Take driving for example. The day you learn how to drive, you get a new found sense of independence for about a day. Then you get into your first wreck, or you have to drive your friend to point A because you are on the way past there so you might as well car pool. Or, when you move out, you find out that you can only fit so much into your car without the need to spend more money on a moving van or even a hitch trailer. By this time, driving as an ability is taken for granted. The joy and sense of freedom is lost due to the repeative and mundane act of driving. When you think about it, what is driving? Pushing a pedal down so some gas can be put inside of a chamber to explode so another piece of machinery can make the wheels go around. The average teenager is learning how to push a pedal so the car can do all the work and turn a wheel so the car knows what way to crash into.
Jobs are the same way. They say you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job (or so says the old proverb). I say, you won't know a value of a buck until you have a job and then lose it like I did. Once you have no source of steady income, you start becoming budget conscious. That's when you start to realize what the true value of a dollar is in society, as well as establish that fear of debt and the paranoia of not being able to pay it off over the course of your life. After all, the last thing anyone wants to do is go to the grave with red numbers on their records.
In nature, any animal that can't defend themselves without their parents is more often than not killed and turned into fodder by someone higher up on the food chain. Thankfully, humans don't have that going for them (granted we are one of the few species on the planet does attack their own species). Had we not socially evolved to this point, people like my friend and myself would be dead by now simply because we can't survive outside of the home. This isn't a bad thing. It's no different than the 12-year-old who still has training wheels on their bike because their equilibrium isn't there yet.
People develop at different times than other people. Unfortunately, it will take a long time for other people to realize this, as some have realized this before most of society. Ironic when you think about it.
