It hasn't even been a week, and I'm still in limbo as to what to do now.
Wait, let me back up. I forget that I don't update this blog often anymore. I only go here when my emotions peak.
I withdrew from SCAD on Monday. As I explained to my shocked and disappointed family, the math came out to $3,700 per month as far as tuition goes. Yes, we had financial aid help, but it wasn't enough. We even maxed out our avenues with that. But that cost is something I did not want to put my family through. That tution price alone would bankrupt me after one month. And the money my family has stowed away would disappear before Christmas. In other words, I would be the cause of my family becoming broke by the new year, and I didn't want that to happen.
Since then, my family has grown ugly. I've overheard my mom and dad talking about how they believe I'll never get into a college, be it SCAD or a similar school, because of what I did. My mother, at one point in our talk about this choice, adimately stated what she hated about me. She killed what little of my self-confidence I had left at the time. And the family in general is now pretty much convinced that I'll be a do-nothing and a lazy ass.
Now that we are caught up, I'm sitting here, jobless and still looking for a job, wondering what the hell to do with my life. I've become very introspective, trying to figure out what the hell makes me happy. What I want to actually pursue and what kind of career I want.
However, I just feel dead. It's starting to show in every aspect of what I do. I can't talk to anyone without sounding like Eeyore. Only darker and more depressing. I'm half-assing job applications and questioning certain aspects of the applications. I don't get any enjoyement listening to my favorite podcasts, playing video games, or watching porn.
I. Feel. Dead.
And I don't know what to do next. SCAD was my plan, my only plan. I didn't have a back-up or an alternative. So what do I do now?
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