According to Wikipedia, the following events took place today (aka my birthday):
1889 - The Eiffel Tower is inaugurated.
1918 - Daylight saving time goes into effect in the United States for the first time.
1930 - The Motion Pictures Production Code is instituted, imposing strict guidelines on the treatment of sex, crime, religion and violence in film for the next thirty eight years.
1968 - President Lyndon B. Johnson announces he will not run for re-election.
1970 - Explorer 1 re-enters the Earth's atmosphere (after 12 years in orbit).
1985 - The first Wrestlemania, the biggest wrestling event from the WWE, takes place in Madison Square Garden in New York.
1998 - Netscape releases the code base of its browser under an open-source license agreement; the project is given the code name Mozilla and would eventually be spun off into the non-profit Mozilla Foundation.
2008 - Aloha Airlines, a bankrupt airline, permanently ends passenger service
Sharing my birthday today are...
1596 - René Descartes, French mathematician (d. 1650)
1675 - Pope Benedict XIV (d. 1758)
1878 - Jack Johnson, American boxer (d. 1946)
1885 - Pascin, Bulgarian painter (d. 1930)
1948 - Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize
1965 - Steven T. Seagle, American comic-book writer
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Driving Me Insane
What is it about me and bettering myself that causes me to be so hypocritical? No more than an hour ago, I was talking to a co-worker who, for the first time since I-don’t-remember-when, made the rhetoric about driving make sense to the point where I said to myself “That’s it. I need to do this now or I’ll never be any better.” And now? I’m googling tips to overcome my fear of driving only to learn that every tip I find I’ve done but hasn’t helped. I mean, I’ve tried everything short of taking a seminar on the subject!
The only tip that has worked that I’ve found is the driving buddy tip. If I can find someone who I feel safe with in the car, it could lessen the fear. To date, only Jason has proven to be that person. My folks make me feel uneasy, and all my friends are long gone or I fell out of contact with them. Hell, I’m not even sure I feel comfortable driving them anywhere if only to better myself.
I think the thing I need to get over first is this self-defeating nature of mine. Actually feel confident that I can get something done. Something big. Maybe then I can actually do these things.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ve gone crazy. The fact of the matter is something in that conversation made sense to me. And now I find myself at an impasse that needs to be addressed now and not later.
And to think we started this conversation by me asking him how he gets into the creative mood so that I could have a pool of suggestions to get some artistic projects done.
The only tip that has worked that I’ve found is the driving buddy tip. If I can find someone who I feel safe with in the car, it could lessen the fear. To date, only Jason has proven to be that person. My folks make me feel uneasy, and all my friends are long gone or I fell out of contact with them. Hell, I’m not even sure I feel comfortable driving them anywhere if only to better myself.
I think the thing I need to get over first is this self-defeating nature of mine. Actually feel confident that I can get something done. Something big. Maybe then I can actually do these things.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ve gone crazy. The fact of the matter is something in that conversation made sense to me. And now I find myself at an impasse that needs to be addressed now and not later.
And to think we started this conversation by me asking him how he gets into the creative mood so that I could have a pool of suggestions to get some artistic projects done.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Feeling like Dr. Manhattan
For reasons unknown, I pulled out my high school year book and Googled someone's name I was thinking about. Found a facebook profile that I wasn't sure about, but looking at the friends pretty much confirmed it was who I was looking for. Their names, all familiar. Their faces, mature and grown.
I don't know what's wrong this time, but I feel as if my life is breaking down. It's almost undetectable. I think it may be due to the fact that I'm so good at faking a smile now that I'm starting to fool myself into thinking things are all right. A large part of me is wondering what life would have been like if I did things differently. I think this is what they call regret, but I've grown so far away from anything that could be called human that I'm starting to feel more and more dead inside.
Recently, a guest at work tried to hire me away. He liked how personal I was with him while sticking to the script. One thing lead to another, and I guess I impressed him a little. When I came home that day, I didn't think much of it. In fact, as happy as my folks sounded when I told them story, I didn't feel anything. I faked my happiness just as well as I faked the smile I gave the guest earlier that day.
I have no motivation any more. I have a half-completed apology zine that needs to be attended to. I have a check to be deposited and college programs to look into. Even the looming pressure to learn to drive a car on my own and overcome that fear has been boiled down to a numbing sensation that can only be described as inconsequential.
I look at porn everyday, often while my family is on the other side of the room in an area were they cannot see what I'm looking at. However, I bet they've seen me quickly scrolling pass the images when I remember they are in the room. I've been masturbating at least once a day since Valentine's Day, causing me to make a conscious effort to not find time to do it over the course of a day. And with so much porn being viewed daily, I'm not even sure what stimulates me any more. Males? Females? Muscles? Tattoos? Mature? Young? Hairy? Smooth? Big butts? Blonds? Brunettes? Blacks? Whites? Russians? Europeans?
I have become the living definition of indifference. Cold, emotionless, and mechanical. What little bit of humanity that was left in me is now reserved only for nostalgia, regret, and a lust towards the things in life that I've missed out on experiencing. Jason would call this stagnation. My teacher in high school would call it depression. My parents call it being lazy.
To be perfectly honest, I wish someone would just come along and rescue me like in the movies. Someone good looking and kind and an all-around great person with practically no flaws. But I'm not living in a movie. I just work for them. And while I'm working, I have to make sure to exceed guest's expectations by giving a great performance. Even if that means faking a smile because I'm emotionally dead inside.
I don't know what's wrong this time, but I feel as if my life is breaking down. It's almost undetectable. I think it may be due to the fact that I'm so good at faking a smile now that I'm starting to fool myself into thinking things are all right. A large part of me is wondering what life would have been like if I did things differently. I think this is what they call regret, but I've grown so far away from anything that could be called human that I'm starting to feel more and more dead inside.
Recently, a guest at work tried to hire me away. He liked how personal I was with him while sticking to the script. One thing lead to another, and I guess I impressed him a little. When I came home that day, I didn't think much of it. In fact, as happy as my folks sounded when I told them story, I didn't feel anything. I faked my happiness just as well as I faked the smile I gave the guest earlier that day.
I have no motivation any more. I have a half-completed apology zine that needs to be attended to. I have a check to be deposited and college programs to look into. Even the looming pressure to learn to drive a car on my own and overcome that fear has been boiled down to a numbing sensation that can only be described as inconsequential.
I look at porn everyday, often while my family is on the other side of the room in an area were they cannot see what I'm looking at. However, I bet they've seen me quickly scrolling pass the images when I remember they are in the room. I've been masturbating at least once a day since Valentine's Day, causing me to make a conscious effort to not find time to do it over the course of a day. And with so much porn being viewed daily, I'm not even sure what stimulates me any more. Males? Females? Muscles? Tattoos? Mature? Young? Hairy? Smooth? Big butts? Blonds? Brunettes? Blacks? Whites? Russians? Europeans?
I have become the living definition of indifference. Cold, emotionless, and mechanical. What little bit of humanity that was left in me is now reserved only for nostalgia, regret, and a lust towards the things in life that I've missed out on experiencing. Jason would call this stagnation. My teacher in high school would call it depression. My parents call it being lazy.
To be perfectly honest, I wish someone would just come along and rescue me like in the movies. Someone good looking and kind and an all-around great person with practically no flaws. But I'm not living in a movie. I just work for them. And while I'm working, I have to make sure to exceed guest's expectations by giving a great performance. Even if that means faking a smile because I'm emotionally dead inside.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Disney's Gay Little Secret
I joined a new social networking site which main core is actually a movie review site. As such, I posted my own little take on High School Musical's closeted gay character. You can read it here.
