An Education, An Experience, A Reason For Change

Tonight I went to my third independent art gallery. I describe this as "independent" as the group and the space the show is in is not your typical gallery, one that is funded by patrons of the arts who want to leave their name on something other than a tombstone. No, this is a gallery run by artists for those that appreciate contemporary art.

And it was an education I cannot get from schooling of any kind.

Some back story. If you look through the recent comments of my blog, you'll find someone by the name of Jason. I have been in contact with him since he left his comments, everything dealing with mostly art and putting your art in front of people. Over the course of the week, he has been the only thing that has kept me happy, helping me forget everything that gave me any problems. I had to thank him for that. I had to thank him properly. How? I don't know.

He mentioned that there was going to be a show in the new location for Secret Show. After that, several other people I knew who were in the show mentioned it as well. Jason and another person said I had no excuse not to show up.

Being the fool that I am, in my twisted mind this meant there was a demand for my presence, something very rare given who I am and how I act. I made efforts to make it out to the show. At one point, I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to make it. Then my parents, the source of most of my angst and blessings, gave me a ride. They originally wanted to see the show, but due to the failure of finding any parking, they just dropped me off.

Over the course of two hours, I received the most amount of education I had ever had in my life! I saw people interact with art from other students I knew and respected. I found myself looking at things and even people in a new light that I had pretty much denied myself in viewing.

I was witnessing people having a life. And it felt odd being that spectator that nobody wants to be.

I did interact with people. I talked to people about the art they produced, questioned some of it (albeit very stupid questions), and even revisited several of the pieces. It was a strangely comfortable social scene. It had its awkward moments. A random person came up to me and introduced himself in a way that scared the hell out of me, but other than that, I felt like myself for once. Yet at the same time I didn't.

The things that will stay with me the most, I can only hope, are the conversations I had with Jason, all of which involved trying to get over this contradictory set of thoughts I have about submitting my art, how to present it, and to top it off the fact that I'm not afraid about getting rejected yet think my art isn't good enough. I don't ever seeing someone being able to convince me how much that last part never made any sense the way Jason did. The look of illogical curiosity on his face just said it all to me.

Why wasn't I doing what he is doing? Because I was canceling myself out in my head.

At the end of the night, I had to thank Jason. He was and will hopefully be a big influence in my life. I learned the hard way that if someone that special comes along, you need to try your damnest not to lose them. Unfortunately, I may have taken a few steps back after taking several forward. While thanking Jason, I apparently crossed a line with him by accident. I saw a scared look in his eyes as if he was afraid of me. He has wide eyes to being with. Very bright and welcoming. But these just read fear.

Attraction and appreciation are two aspects that apparently have been blurred together in my mind. A wall, not a line, but a fucking wall needs to be built.

On my way out, I said to Jason that I would try to make it to future shows. He laughed with a hint of doubt, paraphrasing Yoda's famous "Try not. Do or do not. There is not try." I responded by saying that I make efforts smiling at him, but the moment I was out the door, I was kicking my ass as to how lame that sounded. It was then that I'm convinced something else happened. Something that was only able to happen off the influences from the show.

When I got home, I watched TV, wanting to commit to a show whose plot is like a novel you can't put down because of the way the author ends the chapters. During that 30 minute program, I sat there examining my experience, my feelings from staying in an environment like that by myself for that long, the influences and conversations I had made, the observations. Everything. The show eventually became unimportant; I ended up keeping track of key plot points for references for next week's show if I was able to catch it. It was the other show that was more worthy of my mind's attention. The art show where the person who publicly said he hated me on this very blog impressed me simply by turning a grain of rice into a record became more of an important mental matter than trying to keep up with a plot about an alternate universe where the science of alchemy is a real form of natural magic.

Like I told Jason and Gillian, another artist I knew through class mostly, if I am not changed in some way by this experience tonight, then there is definitely something wrong with me.

Legitimation

When asked what it means to be legitimate, most people will respond with the idea that legitimacy means that one is right. But what is "right" in relation to "legitimate?" Everyone thinks they are right for whatever reasons those may be, and they are correct. However, at the same time, nobody is correct. Short of the scientific method, that is.

In the art arena, legitimacy is an ever-present and never-ending argument of validity. Each form of the arts has their own requirements or conditions as a way of saying that something is legitimate in their fields, but even those occasionally get blurred the moment something new and innovative enters claiming that it is a form of visual arts or theatre. We have stage productions that use movie projectors exactly like movie houses during scene transitions; we have visual artists who are showing their video works within normal commercials aired on the television during the stations prime time hour instead of in galleries; we even have someone putting rotting animal parts inside a glass box and calling it a sculpture. And every time, someone somewhere is asking how is this legitimate, arguing that it is because of this reason or that it is not because of that reason. And they are right in their opinion, but at the same time, neither of them are. This makes the possibility of being legitimate in art nearly impossible in the current time and place that the art is presented in. This also makes any effort to be right or correct in anything outside of science and logic a pointless endeavor. Then again, sometimes science and logic can also incorrect.

Is it necessary for art to maintain an individual voice/identity when it is merged with bigger culture?

Note: I was going to start a new blog and post these there for my teacher's easy access, since this is technically for my Contemporary Art History journal... but I got lazy with the set up process, so I'm shoving them here. My opinions and responses to these questions given what I've been reading as well as what I will be reading probably reflect my ignorance more than my intellect. Consider that your warning from here on out.

Personally, I don’t think the question is of about necessity but about if it actually matters if art maintains its original individual voice and identity. One could be overly defensive about art being this holy relic of the human race that should not be a commercial product as Ad Reinhardt, implying that procreating even images from popular media isn’t original. And yet we have an art movement that reflects popular culture during the 1950s, a movement that has been parodied by popular media it was using. Warhol’s multiple images in colorful squares have been seen in cartoons like Family Guy; Lichtenstein’s blown-up newspaper comic styles can now be downloaded as a filter tool for any digital image editing program; even religion isn’t immune to popular culture now that things like Muslim head scarves are being made fashionable. Given enough time, every image will be confused like the Santa nailed to the cross in the Tokyo department store Walter Anderson mentioned in his introduction to The Truth About Truth.

Given all this, does it really matter if art has an original voice? Art took images from popular media, and popular media took those artistic images into their own shows. As a reference to popular culture for their own social commentary on the matter? Probably, but it depends on the context of the situation. Eventually, nobody will care or even know that one of the photographs in the credit roll of the movie Lilo & Stitch is a parody of the thanksgiving painting by Norman Rockwell. There’s really no point for art to stand out and maintain an identity of its own since it will always be procreated into something else.

High School Musical Review

It's been a while since I've done this, but I figure writing a review here instead of where I usually do is better. You know, helps share my opinions out to more people and all that.

High School Musical. The name should say it all and bring back memories. Mostly about the usual high school stereotypes. You know the ones I'm talking about. And this TV Movie makes sure you remember by overstating the "status quo" within an average high school.

The plot is a bit like Romeo and Juliet. An average basketball jock meets a smart girl on vacation on New Years Eve. They unwilling are paired up in a karaoke song and find out that not only do they like to sing and do so very well, but they seem to have an interest in each other. Once school starts up, however, their passion for singing ends up causing a lot of problems for them.

The plot actually does play out like Romeo and Juliet, only with the high school stereotypes playing the part of the parents that don't like the other for stupid reasons. There's even a balcony scene in the third act! In fact, the entire ordeal is heavily romantisized. In an ironic kind of way, Disney appears to be using the formula that shows on the WB follow. Ironic in the fact that their male lead is from the WB show "Summerland."

The ending felt a bit too rushed and cheesy all the way around, yet it also felt like the ending to Grease. More on that later. The only thing that made up for the ended was the cute little stinger at the end involving a basketball player that has a passion for baking.

The actors and actresses play their parts pretty well. They are overstating their roles in the high school chain, so it's not so much a surprise when you see the Drama Club and female lead of every school show ever act like a prima donna. In that respect, there is some pretty good acting in the film.

Surprisingly (well, maybe not), the young actors can sing pretty well live. There are only two scenes were that happens, but it's still reassuring to know that they can sing. Seems to be the popular thing for actors to do these day. Sing, dance, and act. Unfortunately, most of the numbers are all lip synchs. I would have liked it to see some live singing blended in with the lip synchronization like with Moluin Rouge, but I guess that's asking too much from a TV Movie.

The music is pretty much your standard teenage pop with some hip hop thrown in to the mix. However, there are a few numbers that stand out. Some good, some bad.

The best number in the entire film is "Stick to the Status Quo." In it, the school is pretty much confessing that they do things that are against what caste they have been locked into. A large girl likes to dance, and she does pretty well, I might add. A skater boy plays the cello. But what really pleased me was the fact that it was your standard musical number. It wasn't trying to be cool or appeal to the teenage audience. It was an actual piece that could be easily done on stage and appeal to those that are a fan of musical theatre. It's one of the few things this film does effectively.

"Bop to the Top" isn't one of those moments. The only thing that made this number bearable was that it was inter-cut with other scenes leading up to the climax. The dancing was over the top, but given the characters that sing the song, that's forgiving. The song itself and the way it is presented outside of the cut aways feels very kitch. In some ways, the song feels more appropriate for the Disney Theme parks as parade music. It certainly has the loop for it.

The big female lead solo number "When There Was Me and You" is a beautiful song, but the way it was shot was too much like a music video. The actress even shifts her weight and moves like a pop star from the mid-90's. For such a beautiful song to close the second act of the story, it's a shame they had to shot it like it was going to air on MTV.

"Breaking Free" also falls into this mixed bag of emotions. While the perfect song for the climax of the film, the way they presented it was completely out of character given the three characters involved. Yes, three. The two leads and a very minor character that actually plays a big role when you think about it. The song itself, like the above, is beautiful to listen to. But the fact that there are props coming in from off stage and a backdrop falls when they actually start to sing feels very out of their characters. They wouldn't have prepared that well for a song they had to perform for a call back audition. It fits their rivals more, since they are the goofy bad guys in the story.

As mentioned, the finale feels a bit like the finale from Grease. "We're All in this Together" is a great way to end the film as it displays the entire case, both major and minor roles, in the classic Disney cast final bow dance. If you've seen any of their theme park shows, particularly the Tokyo productions, you'll know what I mean. There's quite a few of those. Unfortunately, as fun as that number is, one thing distracted me. The male lead in the cast apparently thinks he's Michael Jackson during this number. While he never really showed his pop star side until the "Breaking Free" scene, his stage presence during this number is rather distracting once you notice it. And you will notice it since he's the only guy in bleach white from head to toe with nothing breaking up the color, unlike the basketball players behind him who are also in white but have big red jersey numbers on them.

Overall, Disney Channel presented a pretty good movie. It probably won't win any awards like their Color of Friendship movie, and I'd be pretty surprised if this is produced by an actual high school somewhere in the US similar to what happened when Newsies hit the scene. But for what it is worth, you should at least check it out when it airs. If not for the plot, then for the music at the least.

It's only been two weeks?!

I find myself saying that to myself a lot lately. A lot of unneeded, and probably unnecessary, stress has been placed inside my little noodle thanks to school. Tons of reading, more than I normally do. The need for modern technology, which as you can tell from my last entry I'm behind. And to top it all of is the sense that I don't belong in the school simply because I can't seem to hold my own.

Adding to this little box of shit is this! Yes, folks, I need a camera for my Time Base media class. Am I going to do something with it? Probably, but that all depends on the project at this point. Unfortunately, I'm quite fearful of asking to buy tapes for this project to fit the cameras I have rental access to from school. (That, and I don't want to play the "if you are over 15 minutes past your time, you get charged an arm and a leg" game since I have a bad enough time keeping track of library books.) So, what am I stuck with? A Hi8 camera from the late 1990's.

According to the website, the camera is good for "Cash-strapped schools," which pretty much boils down to the arts. Still, for such a small school with such a high demand for quality, it's a wonder why we even are described that way. It's bad enough that they make the students by their own paper, canvas, and paint.

I've been hoping in my sleep that something good will come out of this. Terry said last semester that the two main fields of the Fine Arts department may not be where I will excel. That in it of itself is the only thing that keeps me going from day to day since I have no class that involves painting, drawing, or even sculpting. They are all technology based; they all require the computer.

Still, I can't deny that the stress and frustration is still there. It probably won't come out until the Identity Crisis assignment my teacher said we will be doing soon.

Equivalent Exchange or Not?

Human kind cannot gain anything without giving up something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. This alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.
~Opening Sequence from Full Metal Alchemist

I just got home a short time before starting this entry. A bit bitter, mind you.

Out of fear that the weather may not be pleasant tomorrow (and partly due to a misunderstanding), my mother made my father drive her and myself to the mall so that she could pay for an external hard drive I was going to use for my studio classes. As far as that event is concerned, things went about as normal as they could. I got the hard drive; Mom said that I owe her as she always has. She implied that this debt of mine would be pretty immediately. What that was going to be, I had no idea. All I knew is that it would be art related and it probably was something that was way over my skill. Seriously, I wish she would stop overestimating my skills as an artist. She thinks I can do anything as far as the arts go.

Like I said, I'm rather bitter. The same is pretty much for my dad, who didn't want to drive at night simply because he thought it was a waste of time. Even with my mom's weather concerns justifying the trip, he still didn't like it.

Mom got over her bitterness towards me and how "hostile" I was becoming as soon as we go home. Why? Dancing With The Stars was on.

I'm not personally bitter about the fact my mom is trying to exploit my art knowledge. I just wish she knew that I have limitations. That's what is getting my goat right now. It's bad enough that I saw someone that I have class with working at Best Buy causing me to feel a combination of guilt and depressed insecurities (which I won't go into given that feeling has died thanks to above), but the fact that my mother keeps doing this to me is just starting to get on my nerves.

When will she learn that the reason I'm going to school is so that I can actually make those things she wants me to make instead of telling me to do what I know I can't do because I don't have the skills? Seriously, when?

It's a wonder that she hasn't taken back everything she's bought me since I started college. She's obviously getting the short end of the stick with our little deals. Then again, the only thing that gives her any joy to help her sleep at night is knowing that I have to pay back the Student Loans.

Expect an entry about money soon. I can feel it coming out.

Underage Porn Star? Professionally Filmed?

In a fit of boredom, mostly out of angst of not wanting to know what new insecurities and regrets I'll end up acquiring in the next semester, I went through some of the old porno sites that I used to go to back when I was in so much heat you could cook a steak on me to well-done status in about 3 seconds. Much to my surprise, it would appear that one of them is in some legal heat.

According to this message on their video preview and ordering area, one of their well-equipped twinks failed to supply three valid forms of age identification as required by the company, and possibly by law given the business. It is assumed that he is underage, and the company is having trouble verifying what his age is given this fact. The message itself is kind of hard to understand as it is writing in lawyer terms, but it appears that this has been going on since September of 2005.

Now, according to the article linked in the message, the young man in the case was underage by a whole year. He obtained a fake ID and became an underage porn star. From there, it's another "He said; She said" arguments that can only be settled in court.

Since the September announcement, all of the videos with this guy in them have been pulled from the market in case they did film a minor in pornographic settings.

I haven't been to that particular site since the start of the Fall Semester if not earlier. I pretty much accepted sometime then that the boys in most porns that I find appealing are pretty much non-existent in real life (however, it was fun to believe that there was that rare chance that they do exist outside of the Adult Entertainment industry). Still, to learn about it is quite a shock. These kind of things you would think only happen in the movies and in television dramas. If they do happen, they normally are stopped before the tapes are released. Or at least I would hope.

Still, another side of me is wondering why the kid did it to begin with. I mean, there are other ways of making a porno rather than lying about your age. It's called "Getting your parents camera and filming it yourself in your bedroom while they are away." I bet you anything some high school kid with raging hormones right now is filming himself masturbating. And yet there are kids out there that feel the need to lie about their age just to do the same thing?

It's the money. I know it's all about the money.

Oh well, all I know is that the damage has been done, and the best anyone that cares can hope for is that everything works out.

Dear God, that sounded apathetic.

Lost Photos Posted

For more pictures, make sure to visit
Photographic Memories.

Like I said in my last entry, I found a lot of things I didn't know I had in my room upon cleaning it. Among the treasures and junk was a shoe box full of random things that I thought where cool at the time. Deep inside were several photos, some of which were so good I didn't think that I could have possibly taken them!

In any event, they have been uploaded onto the photo blog for your enjoyment, as well as on to my flickr account. Take a look!