It's been a while since I've done this, but I figure writing a review here instead of where I usually do is better. You know, helps share my opinions out to more people and all that.
High School Musical. The name should say it all and bring back memories. Mostly about the usual high school stereotypes. You know the ones I'm talking about. And this TV Movie makes sure you remember by overstating the "status quo" within an average high school.
The plot is a bit like Romeo and Juliet. An average basketball jock meets a smart girl on vacation on New Years Eve. They unwilling are paired up in a karaoke song and find out that not only do they like to sing and do so very well, but they seem to have an interest in each other. Once school starts up, however, their passion for singing ends up causing a lot of problems for them.
The plot actually does play out like Romeo and Juliet, only with the high school stereotypes playing the part of the parents that don't like the other for stupid reasons. There's even a balcony scene in the third act! In fact, the entire ordeal is heavily romantisized. In an ironic kind of way, Disney appears to be using the formula that shows on the WB follow. Ironic in the fact that their male lead is from the WB show "Summerland."
The ending felt a bit too rushed and cheesy all the way around, yet it also felt like the ending to Grease. More on that later. The only thing that made up for the ended was the cute little stinger at the end involving a basketball player that has a passion for baking.
The actors and actresses play their parts pretty well. They are overstating their roles in the high school chain, so it's not so much a surprise when you see the Drama Club and female lead of every school show ever act like a prima donna. In that respect, there is some pretty good acting in the film.
Surprisingly (well, maybe not), the young actors can sing pretty well live. There are only two scenes were that happens, but it's still reassuring to know that they can sing. Seems to be the popular thing for actors to do these day. Sing, dance, and act. Unfortunately, most of the numbers are all lip synchs. I would have liked it to see some live singing blended in with the lip synchronization like with Moluin Rouge, but I guess that's asking too much from a TV Movie.
The music is pretty much your standard teenage pop with some hip hop thrown in to the mix. However, there are a few numbers that stand out. Some good, some bad.
The best number in the entire film is "Stick to the Status Quo." In it, the school is pretty much confessing that they do things that are against what caste they have been locked into. A large girl likes to dance, and she does pretty well, I might add. A skater boy plays the cello. But what really pleased me was the fact that it was your standard musical number. It wasn't trying to be cool or appeal to the teenage audience. It was an actual piece that could be easily done on stage and appeal to those that are a fan of musical theatre. It's one of the few things this film does effectively.
"Bop to the Top" isn't one of those moments. The only thing that made this number bearable was that it was inter-cut with other scenes leading up to the climax. The dancing was over the top, but given the characters that sing the song, that's forgiving. The song itself and the way it is presented outside of the cut aways feels very kitch. In some ways, the song feels more appropriate for the Disney Theme parks as parade music. It certainly has the loop for it.
The big female lead solo number "When There Was Me and You" is a beautiful song, but the way it was shot was too much like a music video. The actress even shifts her weight and moves like a pop star from the mid-90's. For such a beautiful song to close the second act of the story, it's a shame they had to shot it like it was going to air on MTV.
"Breaking Free" also falls into this mixed bag of emotions. While the perfect song for the climax of the film, the way they presented it was completely out of character given the three characters involved. Yes, three. The two leads and a very minor character that actually plays a big role when you think about it. The song itself, like the above, is beautiful to listen to. But the fact that there are props coming in from off stage and a backdrop falls when they actually start to sing feels very out of their characters. They wouldn't have prepared that well for a song they had to perform for a call back audition. It fits their rivals more, since they are the goofy bad guys in the story.
As mentioned, the finale feels a bit like the finale from Grease. "We're All in this Together" is a great way to end the film as it displays the entire case, both major and minor roles, in the classic Disney cast final bow dance. If you've seen any of their theme park shows, particularly the Tokyo productions, you'll know what I mean. There's quite a few of those. Unfortunately, as fun as that number is, one thing distracted me. The male lead in the cast apparently thinks he's Michael Jackson during this number. While he never really showed his pop star side until the "Breaking Free" scene, his stage presence during this number is rather distracting once you notice it. And you will notice it since he's the only guy in bleach white from head to toe with nothing breaking up the color, unlike the basketball players behind him who are also in white but have big red jersey numbers on them.
Overall, Disney Channel presented a pretty good movie. It probably won't win any awards like their Color of Friendship movie, and I'd be pretty surprised if this is produced by an actual high school somewhere in the US similar to what happened when Newsies hit the scene. But for what it is worth, you should at least check it out when it airs. If not for the plot, then for the music at the least.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
It's only been two weeks?!
I find myself saying that to myself a lot lately. A lot of unneeded, and probably unnecessary, stress has been placed inside my little noodle thanks to school. Tons of reading, more than I normally do. The need for modern technology, which as you can tell from my last entry I'm behind. And to top it all of is the sense that I don't belong in the school simply because I can't seem to hold my own.
Adding to this little box of shit is this! Yes, folks, I need a camera for my Time Base media class. Am I going to do something with it? Probably, but that all depends on the project at this point. Unfortunately, I'm quite fearful of asking to buy tapes for this project to fit the cameras I have rental access to from school. (That, and I don't want to play the "if you are over 15 minutes past your time, you get charged an arm and a leg" game since I have a bad enough time keeping track of library books.) So, what am I stuck with? A Hi8 camera from the late 1990's.
According to the website, the camera is good for "Cash-strapped schools," which pretty much boils down to the arts. Still, for such a small school with such a high demand for quality, it's a wonder why we even are described that way. It's bad enough that they make the students by their own paper, canvas, and paint.
I've been hoping in my sleep that something good will come out of this. Terry said last semester that the two main fields of the Fine Arts department may not be where I will excel. That in it of itself is the only thing that keeps me going from day to day since I have no class that involves painting, drawing, or even sculpting. They are all technology based; they all require the computer.
Still, I can't deny that the stress and frustration is still there. It probably won't come out until the Identity Crisis assignment my teacher said we will be doing soon.
Adding to this little box of shit is this! Yes, folks, I need a camera for my Time Base media class. Am I going to do something with it? Probably, but that all depends on the project at this point. Unfortunately, I'm quite fearful of asking to buy tapes for this project to fit the cameras I have rental access to from school. (That, and I don't want to play the "if you are over 15 minutes past your time, you get charged an arm and a leg" game since I have a bad enough time keeping track of library books.) So, what am I stuck with? A Hi8 camera from the late 1990's.
According to the website, the camera is good for "Cash-strapped schools," which pretty much boils down to the arts. Still, for such a small school with such a high demand for quality, it's a wonder why we even are described that way. It's bad enough that they make the students by their own paper, canvas, and paint.
I've been hoping in my sleep that something good will come out of this. Terry said last semester that the two main fields of the Fine Arts department may not be where I will excel. That in it of itself is the only thing that keeps me going from day to day since I have no class that involves painting, drawing, or even sculpting. They are all technology based; they all require the computer.
Still, I can't deny that the stress and frustration is still there. It probably won't come out until the Identity Crisis assignment my teacher said we will be doing soon.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Equivalent Exchange or Not?
Human kind cannot gain anything without giving up something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. This alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.I just got home a short time before starting this entry. A bit bitter, mind you.
~Opening Sequence from Full Metal Alchemist
Out of fear that the weather may not be pleasant tomorrow (and partly due to a misunderstanding), my mother made my father drive her and myself to the mall so that she could pay for an external hard drive I was going to use for my studio classes. As far as that event is concerned, things went about as normal as they could. I got the hard drive; Mom said that I owe her as she always has. She implied that this debt of mine would be pretty immediately. What that was going to be, I had no idea. All I knew is that it would be art related and it probably was something that was way over my skill. Seriously, I wish she would stop overestimating my skills as an artist. She thinks I can do anything as far as the arts go.
Like I said, I'm rather bitter. The same is pretty much for my dad, who didn't want to drive at night simply because he thought it was a waste of time. Even with my mom's weather concerns justifying the trip, he still didn't like it.
Mom got over her bitterness towards me and how "hostile" I was becoming as soon as we go home. Why? Dancing With The Stars was on.
I'm not personally bitter about the fact my mom is trying to exploit my art knowledge. I just wish she knew that I have limitations. That's what is getting my goat right now. It's bad enough that I saw someone that I have class with working at Best Buy causing me to feel a combination of guilt and depressed insecurities (which I won't go into given that feeling has died thanks to above), but the fact that my mother keeps doing this to me is just starting to get on my nerves.
When will she learn that the reason I'm going to school is so that I can actually make those things she wants me to make instead of telling me to do what I know I can't do because I don't have the skills? Seriously, when?
It's a wonder that she hasn't taken back everything she's bought me since I started college. She's obviously getting the short end of the stick with our little deals. Then again, the only thing that gives her any joy to help her sleep at night is knowing that I have to pay back the Student Loans.
Expect an entry about money soon. I can feel it coming out.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Underage Porn Star? Professionally Filmed?
In a fit of boredom, mostly out of angst of not wanting to know what new insecurities and regrets I'll end up acquiring in the next semester, I went through some of the old porno sites that I used to go to back when I was in so much heat you could cook a steak on me to well-done status in about 3 seconds. Much to my surprise, it would appear that one of them is in some legal heat.
According to this message on their video preview and ordering area, one of their well-equipped twinks failed to supply three valid forms of age identification as required by the company, and possibly by law given the business. It is assumed that he is underage, and the company is having trouble verifying what his age is given this fact. The message itself is kind of hard to understand as it is writing in lawyer terms, but it appears that this has been going on since September of 2005.
Now, according to the article linked in the message, the young man in the case was underage by a whole year. He obtained a fake ID and became an underage porn star. From there, it's another "He said; She said" arguments that can only be settled in court.
Since the September announcement, all of the videos with this guy in them have been pulled from the market in case they did film a minor in pornographic settings.
I haven't been to that particular site since the start of the Fall Semester if not earlier. I pretty much accepted sometime then that the boys in most porns that I find appealing are pretty much non-existent in real life (however, it was fun to believe that there was that rare chance that they do exist outside of the Adult Entertainment industry). Still, to learn about it is quite a shock. These kind of things you would think only happen in the movies and in television dramas. If they do happen, they normally are stopped before the tapes are released. Or at least I would hope.
Still, another side of me is wondering why the kid did it to begin with. I mean, there are other ways of making a porno rather than lying about your age. It's called "Getting your parents camera and filming it yourself in your bedroom while they are away." I bet you anything some high school kid with raging hormones right now is filming himself masturbating. And yet there are kids out there that feel the need to lie about their age just to do the same thing?
It's the money. I know it's all about the money.
Oh well, all I know is that the damage has been done, and the best anyone that cares can hope for is that everything works out.
Dear God, that sounded apathetic.
According to this message on their video preview and ordering area, one of their well-equipped twinks failed to supply three valid forms of age identification as required by the company, and possibly by law given the business. It is assumed that he is underage, and the company is having trouble verifying what his age is given this fact. The message itself is kind of hard to understand as it is writing in lawyer terms, but it appears that this has been going on since September of 2005.
Now, according to the article linked in the message, the young man in the case was underage by a whole year. He obtained a fake ID and became an underage porn star. From there, it's another "He said; She said" arguments that can only be settled in court.
Since the September announcement, all of the videos with this guy in them have been pulled from the market in case they did film a minor in pornographic settings.
I haven't been to that particular site since the start of the Fall Semester if not earlier. I pretty much accepted sometime then that the boys in most porns that I find appealing are pretty much non-existent in real life (however, it was fun to believe that there was that rare chance that they do exist outside of the Adult Entertainment industry). Still, to learn about it is quite a shock. These kind of things you would think only happen in the movies and in television dramas. If they do happen, they normally are stopped before the tapes are released. Or at least I would hope.
Still, another side of me is wondering why the kid did it to begin with. I mean, there are other ways of making a porno rather than lying about your age. It's called "Getting your parents camera and filming it yourself in your bedroom while they are away." I bet you anything some high school kid with raging hormones right now is filming himself masturbating. And yet there are kids out there that feel the need to lie about their age just to do the same thing?
It's the money. I know it's all about the money.
Oh well, all I know is that the damage has been done, and the best anyone that cares can hope for is that everything works out.
Dear God, that sounded apathetic.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Lost Photos Posted
Like I said in my last entry, I found a lot of things I didn't know I had in my room upon cleaning it. Among the treasures and junk was a shoe box full of random things that I thought where cool at the time. Deep inside were several photos, some of which were so good I didn't think that I could have possibly taken them!
In any event, they have been uploaded onto the photo blog for your enjoyment, as well as on to my flickr account. Take a look!
In any event, they have been uploaded onto the photo blog for your enjoyment, as well as on to my flickr account. Take a look!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
The Most Rewarding Moment in Recent Memory
A few days ago, I told myself that if I found A Musical History of Disneyland in a store, the next day I would listen to the whole thing without skipping any of the tracks while I cleaned my room.
Well, yesterday, I found it. I dropped the $100 I had as a Christmas present on it without thinking. It was the happiest purchase I can remember doing myself.
And like I promised to myself, today I cleaned my room while listening to it. In fact, I cleaned areas that haven't been touched since 1993! Somewhere around the audio track for the Tarzan Treehouse, I had to open the doors to my room to let in some air. At great risk of being told to turn down my music, I opened a window to help the dust flow out. Thankfully, nobody minded that I was literally blaring the audio from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride as if I was watching the movie in full Dobly surround.
I found a lot of treasures in my room. Old address books with no addresses in them, sketch pads that were falling apart with drawings from a time I forgot about, even a fan fiction I was righting once upon a time. I even found, much to my shock, evidence that I had a mullet when I was younger!
When the dust was cleared and everything put back in a more organized space, I realized that I finished three hours before the last track in the box set was to play. So, I tended to my laundry.
As time past on and as the music got closer and closer to the audio track for their 50th anniversary fireworks show, I found myself getting more and more excited in the most uncontrollable way. When the track finally started to play, I was in another place. I closed my eyes and saw everything I saw on any of the videos of the attraction at the real Disneyland. I felt this strange sense of pure, magical joy that I don't ever remember having felt before. I found myself smiling just because the track was playing loud than I would ever be able to hear it in my lifetime!
It was heaven. Pure and simple.
When the CD finally ended, I sat there in the stillness of my clean room. I looked around, got up, and then placed the CD back in its proper place. As I left the room to come here, I realized what I had just experienced.
I've never had a more rewarding moment in my life than what just happened no more than 25 minutes ago. And I wanted to share that with you few that read this.
Well, yesterday, I found it. I dropped the $100 I had as a Christmas present on it without thinking. It was the happiest purchase I can remember doing myself.
And like I promised to myself, today I cleaned my room while listening to it. In fact, I cleaned areas that haven't been touched since 1993! Somewhere around the audio track for the Tarzan Treehouse, I had to open the doors to my room to let in some air. At great risk of being told to turn down my music, I opened a window to help the dust flow out. Thankfully, nobody minded that I was literally blaring the audio from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride as if I was watching the movie in full Dobly surround.
I found a lot of treasures in my room. Old address books with no addresses in them, sketch pads that were falling apart with drawings from a time I forgot about, even a fan fiction I was righting once upon a time. I even found, much to my shock, evidence that I had a mullet when I was younger!
When the dust was cleared and everything put back in a more organized space, I realized that I finished three hours before the last track in the box set was to play. So, I tended to my laundry.
As time past on and as the music got closer and closer to the audio track for their 50th anniversary fireworks show, I found myself getting more and more excited in the most uncontrollable way. When the track finally started to play, I was in another place. I closed my eyes and saw everything I saw on any of the videos of the attraction at the real Disneyland. I felt this strange sense of pure, magical joy that I don't ever remember having felt before. I found myself smiling just because the track was playing loud than I would ever be able to hear it in my lifetime!
It was heaven. Pure and simple.
When the CD finally ended, I sat there in the stillness of my clean room. I looked around, got up, and then placed the CD back in its proper place. As I left the room to come here, I realized what I had just experienced.
I've never had a more rewarding moment in my life than what just happened no more than 25 minutes ago. And I wanted to share that with you few that read this.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Something Odd and Unexpected
My sister told me to get on AIM so she could send me something, but I got something I didn't expect as a result of her request.
A short time after getting my sister's IM, another window came up. It was from Josh. My hands ran cold, and I got a knot in my stomach that made the gases inside me feel like poisonous substances. I couldn't feel anything below my hip and found my eyes to be straining as I read the screen name. In short, I was nervous and scared for my life.
This has been the first time in two or three long years that I've talked to them. At that moment, I couldn't help but feel very apprehensive.
The conversation started out innocent enough, but slowly the doubt and my feelings for them came to the foreground. I told them flat out my concerns that I posted here recently. Eventually, I had to stop myself, apologizing at least three times, having lost myself to the doubt. Josh said that he doesn't think there is a way to change my mind, to make me believe they are for real. I know better. I know he is smarter than me and knows how to fix things. He just won't act on it for whatever reasons he may have.
With that out in the open, you would think that would be the end of it. I frustrated the hell out of Josh, and if all goes like it has been, that should have been that. Surprisingly, it wasn't.
I asked Josh one question to prevent me from losing it again: Was I missed? Apparently, I was missed by nearly everyone. In one fashion or another, I would come up in conversation. They wondered what the hell happened to me. They thought that since I've been gone for so long from AIM that the screen name was probably deleted. Same thing for the e-mail address I gave them. Ironically, they didn't check this place, or they would have known what the deal was with me for the last few years.
Even now while I time this, the idea that they actually missed me when I could have sworn the didn't give a damn about me just feels awkward. I like the fact that I made such an impression on them to the point where after this long they miss me, but I've never really been missed by anyone. At least anyone that I put emotion towards. It's a new sensation that my lonely mind is having a hard time grasping. The attention whore, however, loves it and is living it up right now.
The conversation then pretty much came to an end as abruptly as it started. As usual, Josh had business to tend to, but he made sure to tell me to IM one of the others if I see them online. Provided they don't IM me first when they see me. I wished him a Merry Christmas, and with that, he signed out.
In looking back at this, I really wish my emotions and doubt didn't manifest in the way they did. I can't help feel like I insulted him when all he wanted to do was just say hello and catch up. But, this is Josh I was talking to. For someone that used to be so animate about not liking me to say that he has no grudge against me seems out of character to me. Then again, it has been a long time since I talked to him, so who knows what changes may have happened. Maybe that Golden Heart Dan told me about is now being worn on Josh's sleeve.
Now that I think about it, I wish I went about the conversation another way. Confronting Josh like that was completely uncalled for and rude. Stupid emotions, why is it you have to get in the way all the time just because I'm an artist? Where is my common sense when I need it?
A short time after getting my sister's IM, another window came up. It was from Josh. My hands ran cold, and I got a knot in my stomach that made the gases inside me feel like poisonous substances. I couldn't feel anything below my hip and found my eyes to be straining as I read the screen name. In short, I was nervous and scared for my life.
This has been the first time in two or three long years that I've talked to them. At that moment, I couldn't help but feel very apprehensive.
The conversation started out innocent enough, but slowly the doubt and my feelings for them came to the foreground. I told them flat out my concerns that I posted here recently. Eventually, I had to stop myself, apologizing at least three times, having lost myself to the doubt. Josh said that he doesn't think there is a way to change my mind, to make me believe they are for real. I know better. I know he is smarter than me and knows how to fix things. He just won't act on it for whatever reasons he may have.
With that out in the open, you would think that would be the end of it. I frustrated the hell out of Josh, and if all goes like it has been, that should have been that. Surprisingly, it wasn't.
I asked Josh one question to prevent me from losing it again: Was I missed? Apparently, I was missed by nearly everyone. In one fashion or another, I would come up in conversation. They wondered what the hell happened to me. They thought that since I've been gone for so long from AIM that the screen name was probably deleted. Same thing for the e-mail address I gave them. Ironically, they didn't check this place, or they would have known what the deal was with me for the last few years.
Even now while I time this, the idea that they actually missed me when I could have sworn the didn't give a damn about me just feels awkward. I like the fact that I made such an impression on them to the point where after this long they miss me, but I've never really been missed by anyone. At least anyone that I put emotion towards. It's a new sensation that my lonely mind is having a hard time grasping. The attention whore, however, loves it and is living it up right now.
The conversation then pretty much came to an end as abruptly as it started. As usual, Josh had business to tend to, but he made sure to tell me to IM one of the others if I see them online. Provided they don't IM me first when they see me. I wished him a Merry Christmas, and with that, he signed out.
In looking back at this, I really wish my emotions and doubt didn't manifest in the way they did. I can't help feel like I insulted him when all he wanted to do was just say hello and catch up. But, this is Josh I was talking to. For someone that used to be so animate about not liking me to say that he has no grudge against me seems out of character to me. Then again, it has been a long time since I talked to him, so who knows what changes may have happened. Maybe that Golden Heart Dan told me about is now being worn on Josh's sleeve.
Now that I think about it, I wish I went about the conversation another way. Confronting Josh like that was completely uncalled for and rude. Stupid emotions, why is it you have to get in the way all the time just because I'm an artist? Where is my common sense when I need it?
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Christmas Rant
I haven't had a reflective rant in a while, so I might as well let my conciousness flow and see what happens.
For starters, with my sister home, my social inatiquacies are brought more and more into the foreground. Being a dreamer and an imagineer (for lack of a better description), I don't think that I'm very much compatible with the social world. In fact, it's hard enough trying to get it into my head that I'm not selling my soul every time I look for a job when I feel like I am. The lines are clearly marked and run deep as to who is the better of the two of us. While I sit in bed with my eyes closed trying to escape a reality I hate and cannot conform or shape, my sister is becoming what she calls a local celebrity.
I don't know why I can't continue dreaming. Compromise doesn't seem to be much of an option. It's probably why I feel the way I do when the idea of looking for a job hits the forehead of my gray matter. I have yet to see any kind of proof where I dreamer can work in a capitalistic world and still do what they do best. Well, outside of Walt Disney, but even his biography borders on the fantastic more than non-fiction.
And people wonder why nutcases like me spend countless hours on the computer playing games. It isn't because we are lazy; it's because we can't deal with reality.
In the video games, I can actually enjoy the effort it takes to get from one point to another. Hell, in the online games that run on a capitalistic idea, I don't mind doing what is considered work for the money you need. It could be in the form of playing a game, but at least it is enjoyable and I don't have to deal with people that will ultimately make me want to rip their heads off. Well, most of the time. Oh, how I wish life was like a video game, but alas, I have better sense. Life is not a video game, and if it is, you only get one life and there are no save points.
I don't know, maybe I'm being selfish. But then again, how can I be selfish when this past few weeks with little to no thought I bought so many Christmas gifts almost impulsively without thinking about price. I mean, my sister's gift alone costed me $100. When you total up the other gifts I bought for the rest of the family, I spent a total of $200 on just four people. I could have been very cheap on the matter and double up on gifts for my parents or even pay for half like what I did last year. But no, I actually spent money knowing full well that I didn't have enough to begin with. Even my sister said that my gifts blow the ones she got out of the water! At least the ones I told her about. Maybe I'm looking for credit where credit isn't due. After all, I don't like how this holiday brings out the worst in people while bringing out the best in others. So who's to say that my gifts are not selfish?
Oh, what I wouldn't give to just be an artist and nothing but with the ability to create and learn how to create the things I want.
I want to say that it's been four years or more since I last talked to the boys, but I'm no longer sure. The emotions are still there event though the events are getting foggy. And even now, I'm not even sure they were ever real to begin with. For all I know, my naiveity took over and want to make them real. But if they weren't, what did I put so much emotion into? A fantasy? Some kind of sick joke? I'm not bitter so much as I am more careful these days. Just in need of closure that I know I won't get. It's probably why I'm so hesitant now to move on so many of my crushes, why I'm afraid to love. I don't want the same thing to happen again. I don't want to think that there is something there when there may not be anything at all.
Why am I bringing this up again? Of the people that I've talked about this to, the few that I trust to actually drop their real name, everyone has said that they were jerks. Even I know they were jerks towards me. Completely heartless, self-absorbed, egotistical, sheltered, perverted, sex-hungry, ignorant, incestual, foul-mouthed bunch of dicks up a son of a bitch's ass if I wanted to be nice with the insults. Yet the emotion is still there wanting to die and move on. I guess I'm attracted to pretty people that will treat me like shit. Presuming they are real, of course.
I think I just answered why it is so hard for me to act on my crushes. So why is it still a mystery to me?
Since the end of the semester, I've been wanting someone in my bed. Not for sex, but someone to cuddle with. The shallow side of me wants someone beautiful and with a very nice body. The deeper side of me wants someone that is accepting to the fact that I argue about stupid things, have insecurities out the ying-yang, and is overall just a big baby in the body of a 22-year-old college student. I have yet to have a dream about this person, but I know my comfort pillows have lost all their fluff as a result of me constantly waking up in the morning hugging them.
Okay, now I'm getting into trivial stuff.
I don't feel like spell checking. Half of the words I would need a spell check to would just come back as not being found in the dictionary anyway.
For starters, with my sister home, my social inatiquacies are brought more and more into the foreground. Being a dreamer and an imagineer (for lack of a better description), I don't think that I'm very much compatible with the social world. In fact, it's hard enough trying to get it into my head that I'm not selling my soul every time I look for a job when I feel like I am. The lines are clearly marked and run deep as to who is the better of the two of us. While I sit in bed with my eyes closed trying to escape a reality I hate and cannot conform or shape, my sister is becoming what she calls a local celebrity.
I don't know why I can't continue dreaming. Compromise doesn't seem to be much of an option. It's probably why I feel the way I do when the idea of looking for a job hits the forehead of my gray matter. I have yet to see any kind of proof where I dreamer can work in a capitalistic world and still do what they do best. Well, outside of Walt Disney, but even his biography borders on the fantastic more than non-fiction.
And people wonder why nutcases like me spend countless hours on the computer playing games. It isn't because we are lazy; it's because we can't deal with reality.
In the video games, I can actually enjoy the effort it takes to get from one point to another. Hell, in the online games that run on a capitalistic idea, I don't mind doing what is considered work for the money you need. It could be in the form of playing a game, but at least it is enjoyable and I don't have to deal with people that will ultimately make me want to rip their heads off. Well, most of the time. Oh, how I wish life was like a video game, but alas, I have better sense. Life is not a video game, and if it is, you only get one life and there are no save points.
I don't know, maybe I'm being selfish. But then again, how can I be selfish when this past few weeks with little to no thought I bought so many Christmas gifts almost impulsively without thinking about price. I mean, my sister's gift alone costed me $100. When you total up the other gifts I bought for the rest of the family, I spent a total of $200 on just four people. I could have been very cheap on the matter and double up on gifts for my parents or even pay for half like what I did last year. But no, I actually spent money knowing full well that I didn't have enough to begin with. Even my sister said that my gifts blow the ones she got out of the water! At least the ones I told her about. Maybe I'm looking for credit where credit isn't due. After all, I don't like how this holiday brings out the worst in people while bringing out the best in others. So who's to say that my gifts are not selfish?
Oh, what I wouldn't give to just be an artist and nothing but with the ability to create and learn how to create the things I want.
I want to say that it's been four years or more since I last talked to the boys, but I'm no longer sure. The emotions are still there event though the events are getting foggy. And even now, I'm not even sure they were ever real to begin with. For all I know, my naiveity took over and want to make them real. But if they weren't, what did I put so much emotion into? A fantasy? Some kind of sick joke? I'm not bitter so much as I am more careful these days. Just in need of closure that I know I won't get. It's probably why I'm so hesitant now to move on so many of my crushes, why I'm afraid to love. I don't want the same thing to happen again. I don't want to think that there is something there when there may not be anything at all.
Why am I bringing this up again? Of the people that I've talked about this to, the few that I trust to actually drop their real name, everyone has said that they were jerks. Even I know they were jerks towards me. Completely heartless, self-absorbed, egotistical, sheltered, perverted, sex-hungry, ignorant, incestual, foul-mouthed bunch of dicks up a son of a bitch's ass if I wanted to be nice with the insults. Yet the emotion is still there wanting to die and move on. I guess I'm attracted to pretty people that will treat me like shit. Presuming they are real, of course.
I think I just answered why it is so hard for me to act on my crushes. So why is it still a mystery to me?
Since the end of the semester, I've been wanting someone in my bed. Not for sex, but someone to cuddle with. The shallow side of me wants someone beautiful and with a very nice body. The deeper side of me wants someone that is accepting to the fact that I argue about stupid things, have insecurities out the ying-yang, and is overall just a big baby in the body of a 22-year-old college student. I have yet to have a dream about this person, but I know my comfort pillows have lost all their fluff as a result of me constantly waking up in the morning hugging them.
Okay, now I'm getting into trivial stuff.
I don't feel like spell checking. Half of the words I would need a spell check to would just come back as not being found in the dictionary anyway.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
I just realized something.
I didn't claim my T-Square from the school when I was cleaning out my studio space. Oh well, I could never get a decent right-angle from it anyway.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Christian Christmas and Heathen Holidays
Something has been bothering me about this holiday season for a while now, and I feel the need to address the issue... again.
Recently, I posted another entry explaining my distaste for how ignorant some people are about the history of Christmas as a major holiday. To be perfectly honest, I don't care anymore if a person believes whatever they want to believe about the holiday.
I'm just getting sick and tired of people saying that some group of people somewhere are pushing religion out of Christmas because Wal-Mart decided to greet people by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." I'm also not buying into the claim that people are calling Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees."
You have no idea how much this pisses me off. For nearly 11 months out of the year with probably only a weekend to give thanks for being alive, someone somewhere is hating someone else. There is always some group, religious or cultural, that is offended by some other group for some stupid reason. And the only escape used to be this time of year. At least in this country.
But now? No. Every time I turn on the local radio to listen to Christmas music, I hear some religious Public Service Announcement saying that they should boycott this store because they are doing this to take Christ out of Christmas. I know it's a minority, but do you think the people that celebrate Kwanza are this bitchy about the holiday season? Hell, none of the Jewish people are upset about this whole "Christ out of Christmas" crap so far as I have heard!
If I could be a holiday special, my Christmas wish would be for everyone to just get off their high horse and celebrate the season for what it is. A time where people can for one month out of the year can get along with everyone even if they fucking hate their guts because they did something stupid like ran over their puppy. I just want the Christians that celebrate Christmas being about Christ's birth to do that. I want the people that think Christmas is about Santa and presents to do that. I wan the people that celebrate Kwanza to do that. I want people that don't have anything to give or get on Christmas to not feel like complete losers. In other words, I just want people to leave everyone else well enough alone and stop trying to make people celebrate the holiday they way they thing the other people should celebrate it.
I guess that's just asking too much, however, so I guess I'll just stick to asking for a Digital SLR Camera. People are never going to leave others alone when they are offended by something as stupid as how they practice Christmas. It's just human nature to try to conform everyone to their way of thinking an nobody else's. Very few people are as open minded as they claim they are.
Myself? I just have the curiosity of a cat but the attention span of a small rodent.
Recently, I posted another entry explaining my distaste for how ignorant some people are about the history of Christmas as a major holiday. To be perfectly honest, I don't care anymore if a person believes whatever they want to believe about the holiday.
I'm just getting sick and tired of people saying that some group of people somewhere are pushing religion out of Christmas because Wal-Mart decided to greet people by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." I'm also not buying into the claim that people are calling Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees."
You have no idea how much this pisses me off. For nearly 11 months out of the year with probably only a weekend to give thanks for being alive, someone somewhere is hating someone else. There is always some group, religious or cultural, that is offended by some other group for some stupid reason. And the only escape used to be this time of year. At least in this country.
But now? No. Every time I turn on the local radio to listen to Christmas music, I hear some religious Public Service Announcement saying that they should boycott this store because they are doing this to take Christ out of Christmas. I know it's a minority, but do you think the people that celebrate Kwanza are this bitchy about the holiday season? Hell, none of the Jewish people are upset about this whole "Christ out of Christmas" crap so far as I have heard!
If I could be a holiday special, my Christmas wish would be for everyone to just get off their high horse and celebrate the season for what it is. A time where people can for one month out of the year can get along with everyone even if they fucking hate their guts because they did something stupid like ran over their puppy. I just want the Christians that celebrate Christmas being about Christ's birth to do that. I want the people that think Christmas is about Santa and presents to do that. I wan the people that celebrate Kwanza to do that. I want people that don't have anything to give or get on Christmas to not feel like complete losers. In other words, I just want people to leave everyone else well enough alone and stop trying to make people celebrate the holiday they way they thing the other people should celebrate it.
I guess that's just asking too much, however, so I guess I'll just stick to asking for a Digital SLR Camera. People are never going to leave others alone when they are offended by something as stupid as how they practice Christmas. It's just human nature to try to conform everyone to their way of thinking an nobody else's. Very few people are as open minded as they claim they are.
Myself? I just have the curiosity of a cat but the attention span of a small rodent.
