Yesterday, someone told me that it looks like I am ready to move out after I was complaining about my Sunday. I told her some excuse that I can't even remember.
After a good night sleep, I finally realized something.
Yes, I am mentally and probably emotionally ready to move out of this so-called home, but I do not have the responsibility to care for myself. That responsibility comes with being able to hold my own, and I can barely do that as it is right now with school work! While I may be able to stand on my own two feet for the most part, I am still going to end up back where I started because of the fact that, like a newborn, I can't stand on my own two feet for long before I hit my ass again. I still have to figure out how to walk in order for me to move out, in other words.
If and when I do move out, I'm leaving that damn piece my mom broke. Something to remind her why I really left.
You can tell I'm still bitter about it, can't you?
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Monday, March 08, 2004
Slowing Down Some
With Spring Break on the horizon, today's classes have been taking it rather slow. For example, in Color just now, I was able to get out at 15:30 instead of 16:00! The reason is because all I had to do in there was make sure that I had my portfolio all ready. I could rework some of my past projects, but I never do that even if I wanted to. What's done is done, and that is that.
So now what is left to do? Well, I was able to color all but two of my drawings due for Drawing 2. I also need to type up my three points for Art History, but seeing as how I don't have my notes with me, I can't do that here in the library, now can I? Too bad the last two drawings I have left to add color to involve the sound of meat cooking on a grill and the sound the gas pump makes when your tank is full. What kind of colors are associated to those sounds anyway?
I was able to get my stresses out though over yesterday. I slammed a really big chunk of clay in 3-D! You have no idea how relieving that is sometimes. Still, in any event, I do not want to be stressed any more.
I really with my little Friend was real... or at least interactive. I'm still waiting to see if any of my 11 creatures are able to survive!
So now what is left to do? Well, I was able to color all but two of my drawings due for Drawing 2. I also need to type up my three points for Art History, but seeing as how I don't have my notes with me, I can't do that here in the library, now can I? Too bad the last two drawings I have left to add color to involve the sound of meat cooking on a grill and the sound the gas pump makes when your tank is full. What kind of colors are associated to those sounds anyway?
I was able to get my stresses out though over yesterday. I slammed a really big chunk of clay in 3-D! You have no idea how relieving that is sometimes. Still, in any event, I do not want to be stressed any more.
I really with my little Friend was real... or at least interactive. I'm still waiting to see if any of my 11 creatures are able to survive!
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Lucky Me
I don't know what I did, but I somehow got the 802.11b 2.4 GHz wireless router to work.
This is me going on record that I have no idea how I got the two computers in the house to wirelessly connect to the internet. I repeat: This blog entry is evidence that I have no clue as to what I did to get the wireless router and adaptor to read and recognize each other.
Now, if someone is able to do a "drive-by" hack job, that tells me that this stupid thing wasn't secured right by my own ignorance. If I am to be blamed for anything, blame me for that and not for the fact that the connection died between here and my sister's computer upstairs.
This is me going on record that I have no idea how I got the two computers in the house to wirelessly connect to the internet. I repeat: This blog entry is evidence that I have no clue as to what I did to get the wireless router and adaptor to read and recognize each other.
Now, if someone is able to do a "drive-by" hack job, that tells me that this stupid thing wasn't secured right by my own ignorance. If I am to be blamed for anything, blame me for that and not for the fact that the connection died between here and my sister's computer upstairs.
Two New Creatures
The Worst Day I Can Remember
My horoscope said not to do anything today. Just keep to myself and concentrate on other things like writing or playing video games.
I should have listened to it.
This morning, my mom and my sister went off to Best Buy to check out a computer deal. I went along to see if they were selling School Tycoon. They weren't.
I should have never went along, though.
Once my quest was over, I was turned into the private family IT again. My mom needed information on this, that, and the other involving computers. Why? Well, I can tell you this much, it wasn't for me.
I was promised a new computer for getting into college. I never got it, and it's mid-terms of the second semester for me. No, this new computer was for my sister. Why did she take priority? Well, she always has. Today, however, is special, because there's a reason. She's going out of state for college. She will need a place to go to type up her papers and all that fun stuff. So, she took priority.
While waiting for all the rebates and receipts to print out, I kept feeling like I got the shaft yet again. Worst still, I didn't realize it until we were at the check-out counter. My sister caught this first, and then my mom eventually got the hint. She told me why my sister was taking priority on getting a new computer and assured me that I'll get one eventually. I took that promise like I take my fries when I cook them, with a grain of salt.
Eventually, after everything was said and done, I became the pack mule. I had to clean out the trunk of the SUV, put the boxes of the new computer in, and take them back out again once we got home.
Thinking that I finally escaped my blight, I retired to my room to spend some time by myself. I then noticed out the corner of my eye that someone put one of my pieces where they shouldn't be. I went over to see what was up. My mom cleaned my room.
That's when I saw something that just made me so mad that I actually told the world to fuck off and leave me alone.
That 3-D assignment that gave me a whole lot of hell, the one that ended up looking like a chair, was broken. Logic told me it was because of my mom when she was gathering the scraps of foam board. I spent too damn long on that project, and it had to get broken by someone other than myself. Normally, if it broke and I was to blame, then I would get over it before the hour was up. However, this is not the case. Someone else broke my art. Someone else broke something I put my blood, sweat, and tears into. Be it accidental or on purpose, someone broke it. Someone touched something that was sacred to me.
I stormed up to my mother and yelled at her. I told her how she broke it, and in her ignorance, she thought that it could be fixed oh-so-easily. She will never understand what that means to me. I knew that the moment she offered to help by taping it back up. I told her to leave and never enter my room ever again. She fired back that this was her house.
This may be "her" house, but I don't go into their room and mess with their things. I don't display her Virgin Mary nesting doll my aunt got her from Russia the way I feel it needs to be displayed. I don't go in there and rearrange her furniture. I don't go in there and mess with her sheets. Hell, at the most, the only reason I go into her room is to use the bathroom since mine doesn't have a shower! How is it that she can get away with touching my things and cleaning up my room with the logic that this is her house and I have no say in what goes on in it?!
Pissed off at how little respect I get for my personal stuff, I turned the stereo in my room louder than I've ever dared to go and put in my Linkin Park CD. The bass alone made my water bottle do that ripple thing that Jurassic Park made famous. With all the angry songs on the CD, nothing was able to absorb the vibe. About three tracks into the CD, I found myself cuddling, actually clenching on to for dear life, with my Rocky the Flying Squirrel plushie. I held it close to my heart for some kind of comfort. I never got it. All that got me was a soggy plushie due to the sweat and tears that ended up falling on it. I then tried to sing and get my frustrations out that way. I sang and belted my voice to the point where it hurts to talk. Still nothing.
I came downstairs to go to take a piss, to which my sister said that she was almost done using the computer. The old one, not the new one. The new one hasn't been connected yet. I didn't respond. I went to the bathroom and took a piss. After which, I then told her that I was not feeling good today. Today has been nothing but shit to me. Then my mom made herself known. She asked me something, but I completely ignored her. I'm still hurt by the fact that she moved my art, and a piece I spent so long on no less, only to break it as well as thinking that it could be fixed just as easily as she broke it.
So here I am, blogging about my day. I don't want anything else to happen to me. I really don't. I don't want to get angry any more. I just want to be alone with someone that knows how to take care of me. Unfortunately, that person is several states away right now. And I'm still not feeling any better. In fact, I'm feeling worst after blogging this. I feel worst because I know that this is the only way I can get people to actually listen to me... and all this is just text with very little emotion behind them.
Damn it, Bill, I need you now more than ever! You don't know how much I need you right now!
I should have listened to it.
This morning, my mom and my sister went off to Best Buy to check out a computer deal. I went along to see if they were selling School Tycoon. They weren't.
I should have never went along, though.
Once my quest was over, I was turned into the private family IT again. My mom needed information on this, that, and the other involving computers. Why? Well, I can tell you this much, it wasn't for me.
I was promised a new computer for getting into college. I never got it, and it's mid-terms of the second semester for me. No, this new computer was for my sister. Why did she take priority? Well, she always has. Today, however, is special, because there's a reason. She's going out of state for college. She will need a place to go to type up her papers and all that fun stuff. So, she took priority.
While waiting for all the rebates and receipts to print out, I kept feeling like I got the shaft yet again. Worst still, I didn't realize it until we were at the check-out counter. My sister caught this first, and then my mom eventually got the hint. She told me why my sister was taking priority on getting a new computer and assured me that I'll get one eventually. I took that promise like I take my fries when I cook them, with a grain of salt.
Eventually, after everything was said and done, I became the pack mule. I had to clean out the trunk of the SUV, put the boxes of the new computer in, and take them back out again once we got home.
Thinking that I finally escaped my blight, I retired to my room to spend some time by myself. I then noticed out the corner of my eye that someone put one of my pieces where they shouldn't be. I went over to see what was up. My mom cleaned my room.
That's when I saw something that just made me so mad that I actually told the world to fuck off and leave me alone.
That 3-D assignment that gave me a whole lot of hell, the one that ended up looking like a chair, was broken. Logic told me it was because of my mom when she was gathering the scraps of foam board. I spent too damn long on that project, and it had to get broken by someone other than myself. Normally, if it broke and I was to blame, then I would get over it before the hour was up. However, this is not the case. Someone else broke my art. Someone else broke something I put my blood, sweat, and tears into. Be it accidental or on purpose, someone broke it. Someone touched something that was sacred to me.
I stormed up to my mother and yelled at her. I told her how she broke it, and in her ignorance, she thought that it could be fixed oh-so-easily. She will never understand what that means to me. I knew that the moment she offered to help by taping it back up. I told her to leave and never enter my room ever again. She fired back that this was her house.
This may be "her" house, but I don't go into their room and mess with their things. I don't display her Virgin Mary nesting doll my aunt got her from Russia the way I feel it needs to be displayed. I don't go in there and rearrange her furniture. I don't go in there and mess with her sheets. Hell, at the most, the only reason I go into her room is to use the bathroom since mine doesn't have a shower! How is it that she can get away with touching my things and cleaning up my room with the logic that this is her house and I have no say in what goes on in it?!
Pissed off at how little respect I get for my personal stuff, I turned the stereo in my room louder than I've ever dared to go and put in my Linkin Park CD. The bass alone made my water bottle do that ripple thing that Jurassic Park made famous. With all the angry songs on the CD, nothing was able to absorb the vibe. About three tracks into the CD, I found myself cuddling, actually clenching on to for dear life, with my Rocky the Flying Squirrel plushie. I held it close to my heart for some kind of comfort. I never got it. All that got me was a soggy plushie due to the sweat and tears that ended up falling on it. I then tried to sing and get my frustrations out that way. I sang and belted my voice to the point where it hurts to talk. Still nothing.
I came downstairs to go to take a piss, to which my sister said that she was almost done using the computer. The old one, not the new one. The new one hasn't been connected yet. I didn't respond. I went to the bathroom and took a piss. After which, I then told her that I was not feeling good today. Today has been nothing but shit to me. Then my mom made herself known. She asked me something, but I completely ignored her. I'm still hurt by the fact that she moved my art, and a piece I spent so long on no less, only to break it as well as thinking that it could be fixed just as easily as she broke it.
So here I am, blogging about my day. I don't want anything else to happen to me. I really don't. I don't want to get angry any more. I just want to be alone with someone that knows how to take care of me. Unfortunately, that person is several states away right now. And I'm still not feeling any better. In fact, I'm feeling worst after blogging this. I feel worst because I know that this is the only way I can get people to actually listen to me... and all this is just text with very little emotion behind them.
Damn it, Bill, I need you now more than ever! You don't know how much I need you right now!
Saturday, March 06, 2004
The Glitch
I finally have something to blame for all those typos I've made at Creaturecology.com now! Click here to see this cute menace.
A Creativity Overflow
Finally, my imagination has somewhere to go with this new Creaturecology thing. Granted that I know this is just some brilliant way of getting people to spam your friends (Thank goodness for my spam e-mail account, huh?), but it is still a nice outlet when I cannot think of a new Neopet plot for the guild that I am in. Hey, writing fan fictions can only let out so much for someone as visual as I am.
Anyway, here is my latest creation, the Whiwon. There's a pun in the description of the creature for those of you that like stupid humor.
Anyway, here is my latest creation, the Whiwon. There's a pun in the description of the creature for those of you that like stupid humor.
More Paint Wasted
Because my Saturday Morning cartoons were all re-runs for the most part, I did my landscape painting for Color. More paint was wasted, but thankfully not enough to warrant me going out to buy more.
One of these days, I'm going to have to rip a page out of Picasso's book and have wine bottles of nothing but paint colors. I may need that much.
In any event, I'm not happy with the painting. It looks really bad, and forced. In a way, it was, due to the fact that this is for a grade and I was trying to beat the clouds before they covered the sun (which I was unable to do, in case you are wondering). Needless to say, I'm not expecting a good grade from that project.
Now all I have to do is read and respond to an article, my sound drawings, and paint some more!
When is Spring Break again?
One of these days, I'm going to have to rip a page out of Picasso's book and have wine bottles of nothing but paint colors. I may need that much.
In any event, I'm not happy with the painting. It looks really bad, and forced. In a way, it was, due to the fact that this is for a grade and I was trying to beat the clouds before they covered the sun (which I was unable to do, in case you are wondering). Needless to say, I'm not expecting a good grade from that project.
Now all I have to do is read and respond to an article, my sound drawings, and paint some more!
When is Spring Break again?
I Have A New Vice
I found Creaturecology on Newgrounds.com. Who knew that Tom Fulp had a monster collector side?
Anyway, this little guy is my first creature that I created. Isn't it cute?
I also created another creature called a Krick-Krick. I think this one will survive better than the Turish I made earlier. Why? Because I actually read the site's game manual and tip page. I didn't with the first creature.
I also made the Salmon Seer. Yes, I know the name is lame, but I'm conducting a few experiments. Of the three I've created, this little guy is the smartest. Let's see how smarts compare to muscle, shall we?
Speeking of muscle, I created the Furifly. It's a cave-dwelling bug with an appetite for meat. It's one of those kind of animals that when you see it, you better run before it sees you.
Finally, I created quite possibly the cutest creature I can make! The Glyphsi. I couldn't fit everything I wanted to into the description, though. I wanted to meantion that the little horn on its head changes color depending on its mood. Oh well. Maybe on the next creature I make.
Now that I have five different creatures, I think I'll see what happens to them and report them here once I get some kind of update. Should be interesting.
Anyway, this little guy is my first creature that I created. Isn't it cute?
I also created another creature called a Krick-Krick. I think this one will survive better than the Turish I made earlier. Why? Because I actually read the site's game manual and tip page. I didn't with the first creature.
I also made the Salmon Seer. Yes, I know the name is lame, but I'm conducting a few experiments. Of the three I've created, this little guy is the smartest. Let's see how smarts compare to muscle, shall we?
Speeking of muscle, I created the Furifly. It's a cave-dwelling bug with an appetite for meat. It's one of those kind of animals that when you see it, you better run before it sees you.
Finally, I created quite possibly the cutest creature I can make! The Glyphsi. I couldn't fit everything I wanted to into the description, though. I wanted to meantion that the little horn on its head changes color depending on its mood. Oh well. Maybe on the next creature I make.
Now that I have five different creatures, I think I'll see what happens to them and report them here once I get some kind of update. Should be interesting.
Friday, March 05, 2004
The Rain
There is just something about the rain, particularly the sound, that makes it so hard for me to wake up after a deep sleep. It is as if the rain is telling me to go back to sleep. Go back to your perfect little dream world. Slip back into that little place you were at where you were on your own enjoying life. Go back to that little bubble you created where people actually like you. Stay where you were before you had to return to reality. You were happier there.
Yeah, that's what the rain was telling me. I guess that's why I like the rain so much.
Yeah, that's what the rain was telling me. I guess that's why I like the rain so much.
