Friday, March 05, 2004
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Stream of Consciousness
I got it to work! Remember a while back when I wanted to put one up but couldn't do the HTML and CSS problems? Well, I found a way around it, so now I have a new feature for the blog! It kind of feels out of place for now, but soon it will be just another feature of the blog just like the WeatherPixie and links to the side.
Why I Look At Personal Ads
With nothing better to do since all the homework I brought with me is relatively complete, I found myself bored and looking up personal ads on Yahoo! Why?
That's good question I need to get into right now.
James. You know him, you either hate him or you love him. Me, I love the moose. I really do. Unfortunately, my love for him is not the same kind of (scary) love he has for me. No, as late as I should have admitted this, the romance is really rather gone now. I think what turned me off the most was the fact that of how he has been acting lately, trying to make me his own while he is already in a relationship. Call me old fashion, but I don't need that kind of drama.
So, how does this relate to the fact that I'm looking up personal ads of people I know I will never meet due to the fact that I promised myself I will never meet anyone I meet online, especially someone I meet on a personal site? Simple. I want out.
That's right. I want out of this. I want to move on. I'm sorry, James, I really am. I love you tons, just not in the way you want me to. I hope you understand this. Then again, you will probably want me to explain it just a little bit.
See, I love James more like a friend now if anything at all. I pretty much gave up on having him as a boyfriend when he first started dating (and then ended up staying with) Matt. Through some rather unusual drama (Well, it wasn't that unusual if you were living a TV Soap Opera.), Matt, James, and I pretty much went out ways. You can read some of the other dramas that happened here in the archives (CHEAP POP!). Turn off number two came just recently when James kept doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately for me, James also has this strange power to make me feel so submissive, you couldn't tell me apart from a two cent whore!
Still, James is taken. He may not be happy, like everyone tells me, but, as mean as this sounds, that's his problem. After all, he couldn't wait to get a boyfriend what with everyone around him dating and all that jazz. You know the song and dance.
Good things come to those who wait.
In any event, I'm feeling the need to want to meet cute and interesting people again, hopefully with the result that I want. I just want to be able to do this before James comes down to visits me and does something he should have done last semester. I guess he doesn't realize that what he missed out on was a one shot deal. He doesn't get a repeat even though I feel he deserves one. The reason why is because of the fact that, yes, it is nice to redo and correct past mistakes, but what has happen has happened. He told me himself he got cold feet, and my mind since then hasn't changed much at all about how much he is easily overtaken by fear of something, let alone fear of me!
It's a good thing I'm Leo's type. If I was a gambling man, I bet I'd end up with Leo in one way or another, dramatic or otherwise. Then again, I never was good at betting on anything, so forget I said that.
Still, though, James really needs to get it through his head. As long as he has Matt by his side, who is foolishly but loyally following every single one of James's wishes, I can only be involved as a friend. I do not want whatever romantic affair he has planned in his little brain of his. Not anymore.
Too bad Bill is straight. He and I have been getting rather close, and I feel a mesh between us that I really cannot put my finger on as to why we have one going on. Just thinking about him right now makes me feel some kind of psychic connection. Something tells me he will read this blog shortly after I publish it.
You know, looking back at what I just wrote, this has nothing to do with why I look at personal ads...
...or does it?
That's good question I need to get into right now.
James. You know him, you either hate him or you love him. Me, I love the moose. I really do. Unfortunately, my love for him is not the same kind of (scary) love he has for me. No, as late as I should have admitted this, the romance is really rather gone now. I think what turned me off the most was the fact that of how he has been acting lately, trying to make me his own while he is already in a relationship. Call me old fashion, but I don't need that kind of drama.
So, how does this relate to the fact that I'm looking up personal ads of people I know I will never meet due to the fact that I promised myself I will never meet anyone I meet online, especially someone I meet on a personal site? Simple. I want out.
That's right. I want out of this. I want to move on. I'm sorry, James, I really am. I love you tons, just not in the way you want me to. I hope you understand this. Then again, you will probably want me to explain it just a little bit.
See, I love James more like a friend now if anything at all. I pretty much gave up on having him as a boyfriend when he first started dating (and then ended up staying with) Matt. Through some rather unusual drama (Well, it wasn't that unusual if you were living a TV Soap Opera.), Matt, James, and I pretty much went out ways. You can read some of the other dramas that happened here in the archives (CHEAP POP!). Turn off number two came just recently when James kept doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately for me, James also has this strange power to make me feel so submissive, you couldn't tell me apart from a two cent whore!
Still, James is taken. He may not be happy, like everyone tells me, but, as mean as this sounds, that's his problem. After all, he couldn't wait to get a boyfriend what with everyone around him dating and all that jazz. You know the song and dance.
Good things come to those who wait.
In any event, I'm feeling the need to want to meet cute and interesting people again, hopefully with the result that I want. I just want to be able to do this before James comes down to visits me and does something he should have done last semester. I guess he doesn't realize that what he missed out on was a one shot deal. He doesn't get a repeat even though I feel he deserves one. The reason why is because of the fact that, yes, it is nice to redo and correct past mistakes, but what has happen has happened. He told me himself he got cold feet, and my mind since then hasn't changed much at all about how much he is easily overtaken by fear of something, let alone fear of me!
It's a good thing I'm Leo's type. If I was a gambling man, I bet I'd end up with Leo in one way or another, dramatic or otherwise. Then again, I never was good at betting on anything, so forget I said that.
Still, though, James really needs to get it through his head. As long as he has Matt by his side, who is foolishly but loyally following every single one of James's wishes, I can only be involved as a friend. I do not want whatever romantic affair he has planned in his little brain of his. Not anymore.
Too bad Bill is straight. He and I have been getting rather close, and I feel a mesh between us that I really cannot put my finger on as to why we have one going on. Just thinking about him right now makes me feel some kind of psychic connection. Something tells me he will read this blog shortly after I publish it.
You know, looking back at what I just wrote, this has nothing to do with why I look at personal ads...
...or does it?
I Need A New Family
While riding in the car this morning on the way to school, I felt like I was ignored again. Yes, I know it is partly because I do not really speak or anything in public (even though I do feel sometimes that I talk too much as it is), but still, it would be nice to feel like I am a part of something bigger.
My sister and my mom seem to be growing closer, yet I seem to be growing farther away from the family as a whole. This kind of sucks. Okay, I take that back. This really sucks.
As part of an Asian background, I was told and always believed that the family is, above all else, a unit. The parents and the children, however many there may be of each, are a single identity. Each are involved in one and the others life in one way or another. Each cannot live without the other's support, love, understanding. The family unit, as I see it, is one where no matter how many fights you get in to, you still love each other. Respect should be taken as granted in a family, because, as I've been told too, you don't necessarily have to like the person in order to respect them. Many teenagers and young adults hate their parents for one reason or another, but yet they still respect them. Even though I don't display it the way I should by other standards, I respect my elders. When I say that "respect should be taken as granted," I really mean that it should go without saying. Every family has to have respect for everyone in the unit, or else you can't really function as one homogeneous unit.
Still, as much as I respect everyone in my family, I really wish they made me a part of their lives more growing up. It seems that we have all drifted away from each other since we moved down to Nashville. My aunt is off doing her own thing. My mom is working so hard it makes me want to give her a vacation again, thanks to this new job of hers. My sister has her own social life and has had a boyfriend when I can't even boast that! And my dad pretty much sits there in the kitchen making sure the family has some kind of income thanks to the family owned store. Me, I'm off in my little bubble in my room above the garage making art that no one in my family knew I was capable of producing! Then again, they don't know a lot about me.
I guess it's too late to wish for a new family, but the one I have right now, however great in its own way, just doesn't feel like one. At least, not at the moment.
My sister and my mom seem to be growing closer, yet I seem to be growing farther away from the family as a whole. This kind of sucks. Okay, I take that back. This really sucks.
As part of an Asian background, I was told and always believed that the family is, above all else, a unit. The parents and the children, however many there may be of each, are a single identity. Each are involved in one and the others life in one way or another. Each cannot live without the other's support, love, understanding. The family unit, as I see it, is one where no matter how many fights you get in to, you still love each other. Respect should be taken as granted in a family, because, as I've been told too, you don't necessarily have to like the person in order to respect them. Many teenagers and young adults hate their parents for one reason or another, but yet they still respect them. Even though I don't display it the way I should by other standards, I respect my elders. When I say that "respect should be taken as granted," I really mean that it should go without saying. Every family has to have respect for everyone in the unit, or else you can't really function as one homogeneous unit.
Still, as much as I respect everyone in my family, I really wish they made me a part of their lives more growing up. It seems that we have all drifted away from each other since we moved down to Nashville. My aunt is off doing her own thing. My mom is working so hard it makes me want to give her a vacation again, thanks to this new job of hers. My sister has her own social life and has had a boyfriend when I can't even boast that! And my dad pretty much sits there in the kitchen making sure the family has some kind of income thanks to the family owned store. Me, I'm off in my little bubble in my room above the garage making art that no one in my family knew I was capable of producing! Then again, they don't know a lot about me.
I guess it's too late to wish for a new family, but the one I have right now, however great in its own way, just doesn't feel like one. At least, not at the moment.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Sweet Score!
I am so stoked right now! You cannot know how much! I mean, DAMN! Even though I know this is going to be one of those temporary happy moments, at least I have one!
Today, we got back our Art History Mid-term tests. Before she handed them out, my teacher gave out a little speech saying how the grades broke down and how many there were in the class. There was one F. Everyone got paranoid. As papers were handed out, everyone was pleasantly surprised.
I, myself, got a 91 on the test! That's an A- if I remember correctly!!
History has never been my thing. Never will be. This grade makes me feel so much better about the class and how I study things now. You have no idea how encouraging good grades are to a nerd like me, especially in a subject I've never excelled in!
I hope nothing ruins my day from this point out!
Today, we got back our Art History Mid-term tests. Before she handed them out, my teacher gave out a little speech saying how the grades broke down and how many there were in the class. There was one F. Everyone got paranoid. As papers were handed out, everyone was pleasantly surprised.
I, myself, got a 91 on the test! That's an A- if I remember correctly!!
History has never been my thing. Never will be. This grade makes me feel so much better about the class and how I study things now. You have no idea how encouraging good grades are to a nerd like me, especially in a subject I've never excelled in!
I hope nothing ruins my day from this point out!
Monday, March 01, 2004
That Video I'm Ordering the Library to Get
Comic Book Superheros Unmasked DVD
In case you are wondering as to what my paper is about. Hopefully I can get my hands on this one way or the other. I really need this or else I fail my Art History final!
In case you are wondering as to what my paper is about. Hopefully I can get my hands on this one way or the other. I really need this or else I fail my Art History final!
Please be at Home
While cleaning up just now in 3-D, I noticed that I was missing something from my portfolio. My landscape paintings I did for Color. I don't need them today, but I sure as hell would like to work on the today.
I hate when I misplace things. I never find them! I hope the painting is at home in my room somewhere I can see.
I hate when I misplace things. I never find them! I hope the painting is at home in my room somewhere I can see.
The Numbers Are In
From Yahoo! Movie:
The Passion of The Christ
Distributor: NEWMARKET
Weekend Gross: $76,200,576
Total Gross: $117,538,465
Number of weeks since release: 1
Number of theaters: 3043
Rank for the Feb 27 - 29 weekend: 1
I knew this movie was going to rank in money, but DAMN!
The Passion of The Christ
Distributor: NEWMARKET
Weekend Gross: $76,200,576
Total Gross: $117,538,465
Number of weeks since release: 1
Number of theaters: 3043
Rank for the Feb 27 - 29 weekend: 1
I knew this movie was going to rank in money, but DAMN!
Let the Countdown Begin!
Today starts my birth month. That's right! In four weeks and two days, I will be the big 2-1!
And I'm not looking forward to it.
Yeah, sorry for bring you up and then knocking you down with me.
I'm really not looking forward to turning 21. My family is probably going to give me this stupid speech about I should be doing this, that, and the other. The thing is they do not realize that I do not have the mental maturity to work, drive, or all the other responsibilities that come with becoming "legal again." Hell, I still want to find a way to live IN Walt Disney World!
In any event, for those of you out there that are curious about what I want for my birthday (READS: for those of you out there that know my home address), here's a mock list of what I want in no particular order or specification.
And I'm not looking forward to it.
Yeah, sorry for bring you up and then knocking you down with me.
I'm really not looking forward to turning 21. My family is probably going to give me this stupid speech about I should be doing this, that, and the other. The thing is they do not realize that I do not have the mental maturity to work, drive, or all the other responsibilities that come with becoming "legal again." Hell, I still want to find a way to live IN Walt Disney World!
In any event, for those of you out there that are curious about what I want for my birthday (READS: for those of you out there that know my home address), here's a mock list of what I want in no particular order or specification.
- Porn (Specifically the An American in Prague DVD and/or Lauderdale Strip DVD)
- School Tycoon (because I need a new vice in my life)
- Tickets to a three month stay at Walt Disney World (like that will happen)
- Art supplies (Really good ones too! Not the crappy kind from Wal-Mart!)
- Something Neopets related to decorate my room/add to my stuff toy collection
